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"My sister wants him and I to walk down the aisle together and have our own dance at the wedding"
A couple dances at a wedding reception late in the evening, for illustrative purposes.
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A couple dances late in the evening, for illustrative purposes.
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A lot of pressures come to the forefront at such events, including family dynamics, status, and other traditional and cultural expectations. Also becoming much more pointed in the fact that it is a “once-in-a-lifetime event" for the bride and groom… even if it's their second or third (or fourth, no judgement here) time having that once-in-a-lifetime event.
Plus, there's a lot of petty “so high-school” relationship dynamics at play. Being a maid of honor or other member of the wedding party is undeniably an honor. But it also does feel a bit like choosing which of your friends were going to be included on your MySpace page.
For a lot of us, it only goes as far as “Oh, they would be so good together” and maybe some subtle hints, but it's also not uncommon for these wanna be match makers to take things a step further and try to orchestrate events that will lead to a spark.
There's a reason why so many common sitcom and romcom storylines involve one character meddling in another's personal relationships in order to try and set them up with someone who they feel would be a “better fit" for them than their current partner. And that's just the thing: we are deciding based on how we feel from our own perspective, ideals, and outlook who we think would be a good fit for them, and not considering their wants or needs or values at all. Or at least that's how the lesson normally goes for these types of plotlines.
Boundary testing becomes a role here too, and not just based on how much that destination wedding is going to cost. When the bride or groom says jump, we say “how high.” Whatever they want, they get; it is, after all, their special day.
But, as with anything, there should be limits here. And I think that limit is somewhere in the realm of “this makes me uncomfortable”. Familial and cultural traditions don't supersede our own obligations to ourselves and our own values, and self-respect, and don't decide for us what we are or aren't comfortable with. If something makes us feel like it's not right, that's a great lesson to listen to, and it's always a great time to step out of the situation, at least for a chance to reevaluate.
That's what this maid of honor found herself needing to do when she excused herself from her bride sister's wedding party, though she was still unable to do so without the self-judgment and questioning whether or not setting a boundary was the right thing to do in light of the importance of the event for her sister.
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