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A picture of a model representing the grieving friend
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How to properly grieve a lost best friend
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A photo depicting a the other friend being active on social media while not talking to his grieving friend
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I’ve come to realize that the trite phrase “This too shall pass” exists for a reason, and that reason is that it is a universal truth. When we’re grieving, angry, or sad, we tend to eternize the feeling. We cling to our position in the narrative, thinking that’s how we are going to feel about it forever, and in the moment, it feels very true. I’ve had a two-year separation with a friend that seemed eternal, and it wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking about him all the time in the two years we were apart; I just randomly remembered stuff, and occasionally reflected on our relationship. After two years had passed, something made me think of him one day, and I realized a process had been cooking on its own inside of me. I understood I got angry at him in the first place because he said something true, which hurt my ego, and later, talking to him, he told me he realized he made that remark because something about me hurt his ego too. It was just that, some random thing that triggered both of us. It might seem strange, but I was happy we didn’t discuss it right away; some things take time and life experience for both parties to understand them.
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A visual representation of the friend's broken heart
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Digital detoxing is fine, ruminating at first is fine, you have to keep in mind that one day it won’t sting as much, and it will happen kinda on its own; you don’t have to force it, you don’t have to generate it. It’s useful to try to force yourself to do activities with other people, and activities you enjoy on your own, because that will eventually bring new experiences, and those will re-signify what happened between you and this friend. Who knows, maybe you reencounter them at another time in your life, or maybe you don’t, and you stop caring because you don’t feel as connected to them anymore. I know it’s awful to hear, but you have to let it go; when the other person doesn’t want to talk, it’s out of your control.
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