Father’s Day visit goes wrong after dad compares it to the effort his daughter made for Mother’s Day: ‘She got up and drove home’

When the relationship between a father and a daughter is a little strained, that tension can come to the surface during a family holiday like Father's Day. You can't expect everything to feel normal if the relationship has been rocky lately. At the same time, this special day comes with expectations. Every father wants to feel appreciated on Father's Day. 

But it is not reasonable to expect the same warmth and celebration if you know your relationship hasn't been in the best place lately. Still, despite this, his daughter showed up, drove an hour to see him, and spent time with her dad. Maybe she was not as warm as he hoped, and maybe she did seem more distant, and that can hurt. But considering their recent arguments about her career, it isn't shocking that she wasn't acting as if everything was fine. Sometimes, as a parent, you have to appreciate what your daughter can give you at the moment and understand what the relationship is going through. His daughter showing up when things had been complicated is really meaningful. She could have skipped the day, but she didn't. 

This also could have been a good opportunity for him to reflect on why things were different, see what had happened, and see what he could change to make things better between them. Instead of taking that approach, this father was so hurt by his daughter's attitude on Father's Day that he had no better idea than to complain to her. He ended up comparing her behavior to what she did for Mother's Day, which, by the way, was completely unrelated to their relationship. That was never going to lead to a productive conversation.

If the dad wants a closer relationship with his daughter, the better approach would be to stop keeping score and start listening. Comparing the celebrations only made the unresolved hurt in their relationship even worse. What parents forget is that, to feel appreciated on important days, they first have to make their children feel supported.