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A group of friends sit around a dinner table decorated for a birthday
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My mom changed my aunt’s birthday dinner to a restaurant she preferred and I called her out. AITAH
Yesterday my mom (62F) invited me (25F) to a Thai restaurant for my aunt’s 73rd birthday. It was my aunt’s actual birthday. When I arrived, there were about 8 other family members there… but my aunt, the birthday girl, was nowhere to be found. We called her and found out she was sitting at a completely different Thai restaurant. She came right over when she realized everyone was waiting at the other place. When she walked in, she looked disappointed and sad, which honestly made me feel bad.
Later that day at my son’s T-ball game, I was talking w my husband , and I was joking that someone was bound to end up at the wrong Thai restaurant because the names were similar. That’s when my mom said, “Well, my sister and I were discussing where to go for her birthday, but she wanted to go to the other Thai restaurant because it’s her favorite. I didn’t want to go there because they switched owners and I don’t think the food is good anymore.”
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A man sits at a table at dinner, glasses in the foreground
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The young woman in this story was trying to be supportive. She saw what her aunt wanted, and she wanted to help make it happen. Unfortunately, in a family with a lot of big personalities, things aren't always that simple. Sometimes people can't put aside their differences, even for important events. The mom in this story was one of those people, who wanted to exert her taste and preferences over everyone else in her life. Even her sister, who should have been celebrating her big day. Keep reading for more.
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A group of people sit around a table for a birthday
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I was shocked and said, “Mom, if Aunt wanted to go to that restaurant and was sitting there waiting for all of us to show up, then that’s on you for telling everyone to go somewhere else just because you don’t like it.” I told her that my aunt looked disappointed and sad when she arrived because she didn’t get to celebrate her birthday at her favorite restaurant. My mom responded, “I don’t care. If I’m paying for a meal, I want to enjoy it. I’m not giving my money to a restaurant I don’t like. I invited you and your cousin, and if you invite someone to dinner, you have to pay for them.”
She also told me that I didn’t really have a right to say anything because she paid for my meal since she invited me. And while I am genuinely grateful that she paid for my dinner, I don’t think that means I have to ignore the fact that my aunt didn’t get to spend her birthday at the restaurant she had chosen and was actually sitting at waiting for everyone. But here’s the thing: she didn’t even pay for my aunt’s meal, despite it being her birthday and despite being the one who organized the dinner. So her argument that she should get to choose because she was paying didn’t really make sense to me.
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Food and wine on a table set for dinner, people waiting to eat
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The mom in this story was being incredibly selfish. She wanted to do things her way, at the expense of who mattered the most. Who invites someone out for their birthday, makes them wait, chooses a restaurant they don't like, and then doesn't pay? This is no way to treat family, especially those that you want to keep close to you. And her daughter knew that, and wanted to make it right. But family isn't ever a simple matter. Family can be tough to deal with. Keep reading to see what happened, and let us know what you thought in the comments.
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She continued defending herself and genuinely believes she did nothing wrong. Eventually, I said, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore because it was making me frustrated.” My husband heard the entire conversation and agreed with me that the birthday person should have gotten to choose the restaurant, especially since my mom knew beforehand which restaurant my aunt wanted.
I think what’s bothering me the most is that my mom still doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did. I’m frustrated because this is a pattern with. She often puts her own preferences first and then acts like everyone else is unreasonable for being upset. I know some people might think I’m overthinking this or making a big deal out of a restaurant, but this is something my husband and I have noticed happens often. It’s not really about the Thai food, it’s about a repeated pattern where my mom puts her own wants first, even during events that are supposed to be about someone else.
So AITA for calling her out and saying she made my aunt’s birthday about herself?
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