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AITA for "ruining a friendship" after my ex-roommate accused me of stealing money that her bank lost?
❝I (24F) had a friend (now ex-friend) who I'll call Tara (28F). I’ve known her for a few years. She has a troubled past, but I’ve never held it against her; in fact, I’ve stood by her through court dates, relapses, and a lot of personal drama.
This past year, she needed a place to stay after losing her housing due to an ex. I let her and her dog move into my house. I only charged her $250 a month for rent—no utilities, no Wi-Fi—even though she and another roommate ended up racking my utility bills up to $500 a month and ruined my washing machine.❞ - 02
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❝Because the bank denied her, she decided that means I must have stolen it. She texted me saying she "hopes the $100 was worth ruining our friendship over," and told me she only wants to speak strictly about work from now on (we work at the same company).
The irony is that she hardly ever paid her rent on time, but we carpooled, so I always let it slide. There was even a time when I was struggling with my own bills and she offered me $100, but I turned it down and told her to keep it because I knew she was in a tough financial spot. Furthermore, during the exact timeframe she claims the money went missing, my friend had just passed away and my other roommate was entirely out of town on vacation.
I sent her screenshots explaining how automated ATM disputes fail all the time and gave her steps on how to escalate it with the CFPB to get her money back from the bank, but she just left me on read.
AITA for "destroying the friendship" over money I didn't even take?❞ - 03
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And let's be honest: most people would have lost their patience long before this point. The original poster gave this person a cheap place to live when she needed one. She overlooked late rent. She helped her through difficult periods of her life. Even after being accused, she responded with information that might actually help her recover the money from the bank. That's a level of patience I personally do not possess.
What I find sad is how common this kind of friendship is. One person is constantly extending grace while the other person keeps taking. Then the moment something goes wrong, all those years of support suddenly disappear from memory. It's almost like kindness creates a weird illusion. The more understanding you are, the more some people assume you'll continue being understanding forever. At a certain point, though, you stop asking whether you're a good friend and start asking whether the friendship is actually good for you. Because friendship isn't supposed to feel like customer service. If someone can accept your help for years, owe you money, move on with their life, and then circle back to accuse you of stealing because their bank gave them an answer they didn't like, the friendship probably wasn't ruined by $100. It was ruined by a complete lack of trust.
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❝A few months ago, a tragedy happened. A roommate I had known for over a decade passed away in the house. Where I live, if someone passes away unattended, it is treated as a criminal investigation until proven otherwise, so the house was a crime scene. A week and a half into my intense grief, Tara suddenly got together with a new partner and moved in with them. She promised she would pay me $250 for her final month of rent, but it’s been months now and she never did. I never even chased her for it.
Today, out of nowhere, she messaged me while I was at my second job. She accused me or my other roommate of stealing $100 from her months ago. Back when she lived with me, she had around $300 saved and pulled it out of an ATM. When she counted it later, she claimed she was $100 short. She filed a dispute with Chime. Now, months later, Chime finally got back to her and denied the claim, stating they found no error with the ATM transaction.❞
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