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A model representing one of the bratty children
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My parents (38F, 38M) favored my siblings over me (18M) and turned them into brats and now they want us to work it out because the rest of the family has stopped talking to them?
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A photo depicting sad Christmas memories
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I was a little reluctant at first to side with the scapegoated child, but when the story got to ‘everyone in the family stopped talking to them because of this’, I was finally convinced. Something about how things went down tells me that the parents don’t really consider the first child a child, but they see him more as a parentified helper-son.
My intuition tells me that spoiling the youngest children serves as a way to atone for the guilt they feel towards how they treated the first child, back when they were poor. Of course, the guilt is misdirected to a place that doesn’t help to repair anything; in fact, it makes the wound even deeper, because the child who actually got misstreated is left out, like they can’t deal with the fact that they themselves could’ve treated him that badly.
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Dynamics like this are very complicated, and this one seems especially rigid because the parents did not soften their behaviour even when other parts of the family started calling them out. The fact that they are now trying to make their oldest son their lawyer only makes it worse. I think he should try to remain on good terms with his parents, but keeping negotiations with the rest of the family out of his hands is a smart move. In situations like this, one has to be very clever not to explain one’s motives in detail, because I’m sure the parents are not really able to understand them; if they did, they would’ve just acted differently. Great opportunity to just play along and not get involved as much. -
Image representing the son playing along with his family's delusions
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