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44-year-old refuses to become legal guardian of friend Beth’s 17-year-old daughter Chloe after raising her for 10 years: ‘I really do want to help her, it’s just not possible for multiple reasons’

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  • Woman sitting with a laptop in a bright kitchen, resting her head on one hand and looking concerned.
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  • AITAH for telling my best friend no to becoming her 17 year old daughter’s legal guardian?

    I (44F) and my best friend Beth (44F) have been friends since 3rd grade. I basically raised her daughter Chloe. Once Beth
  • could go back to work after having Chloe I started babysitting for her. I had just gotten divorced and was on dis ility so I didn't have a job.
  • Also, I did this completely for free. I didn't mind, I really love kids (I have no kids of my own) and was happy I could help. I was a preschool teacher before going on dis lity.
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  • Her husband at the time worked nights so I would watch her until he would wake up. Fast forward 4 years Beth and her husband got divorced. She had
  • to move back home with her parents, and I was also staying with my parents since I couldn't afford to live on my own so we decided to get an apartment
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  • together. I would still look after Chloe while Beth worked. I picked her up from school, made dinner, homework, got
  • Woman sitting with a laptop in a bright kitchen, resting her hand near her temple and looking concerned.
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  • her bathed and in bed. During breaks and summer, I watched her all day. So basically I took care of Chloe for 10 years.
  • In 2016 I met my now boyfriend Mark. We have been together ever since. In 2017 my parents decided to move to a different state to be closer to my
  • younger brother who was newly married and just had a baby. Their first grandchild. After a year of really missing my family and not seeing them much I
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  • decided to make the move as well. Mark decided he wanted to move with me. We found our own apartment, and it was great being close to family again.
  • Here's where things got crazy. After I moved Beth called me constantly asking if I would talk to Chloe on the phone and tell her she needed to mind her mother and do as she's told.
  • Woman sitting on a mustard couch with a laptop in a bright kitchen, looking concerned
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  • Beth was never good at discipline and when she was home Chloe basically did whatever she wanted. Apparently Chloe was starting
  • to have behavioral problems after I left. Beth would call me complaining that Chloe never listens to her, always talks back and refuses to do anything. I
  • finally told her she needed to figure something out because it's going to get worse the older she gets if nothing is done.
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  • I told Beth that I was extremely sorry she was having to go through that and I wished there was a way for me to help, and her response was "you're the one that decided to move". In the moment
  • I thought she was telling me that it was my fault all of this was happening. I'm not sure if that's what she meant but I said nothing. Chloe's behavior from
  • then to now just got worse and worse. Not only that but Beth ended up having a mental breakdown herself last year.
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  • So, this past weekend she called me saying she is at her wits end. Chloe refuses to go to school, (which has actually been happening for 2 years) or take
  • any of her meds for both her diabetes and mental health. Beth says she has called everyone to try to get her daughter some help and no
  • one will help her. I live in a state that has much better mental health resources than where she's from. So she asked if Chloe could move in with me to
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  • get the help she needed. Beth told me that Chloe listens to me and will do what I tell her to and trusts me. I told her I needed to talk to Mark first because this affects both of us.
  • After discussing everything with Mark we decided it wasn't a good idea. Although, he did tell me that if I changed my mind he would support me in my
  • decision. She wasn't very happy being told no and said I could be saving her daughter's life. I really do want to help her, it's just not possible for multiple reasons I won't mention here.
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  • Beth also does not seem to understand the fact that it's not as easy as she thinks to becoming a legal guardian to a
  • child that's not yours due to the circumstances above. I forgot to mention we are neighboring states.
  • So, AITAH for telling her no when I could be possibly saving her daughter's life?

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