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    Brother-in-law stays in family vacation home, refuses to vacate primary bedroom when sister-in-law's parents come to stay: 'I've had to specifically request they vacate'

    Author image for Ally Perry
    Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
    Jun 16, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

    At what point does accepting help become taking advantage?

    Part of being a good family member is offering the right kind of support when a relative falls on hard times. It isn't always the most convenient or easy option, but it is an important lifeline to those whom you supposedly care about. Seeing people through good times and bad is what supportive families do.

    However, when relatives do not offer help or choose to rescind it, they often have very good reasons for doing so. Some individuals can't help but take advantage of the kindness displayed by those closest to them and twist it into something that causes upset and arguments. Generosity is important, but so is gratitude. Acting entitled to a privilege that is borrowed is a sure-fire way to annoy a family member who was being nice.

    Unfortunately, those who take things too far when accepting family help usually aren't willing to take responsibility for their actions when problems inevitably arise. They believe that they are owed certain things just because they're related, or they have no problem in acting that way. It is a frustrating state of mind to have to deal with from the outside.

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    • A representation of a male and female couple sitting in bed, looking at something on a tablet
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      A representation of a male and female couple sitting in bed, looking at something on a tablet

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    • A woman owned a vacation home in a desirable city that had been in the family for several generations after she bought out her parents. Two years previously, she had agreed to let her brother-in-law and his wife stay there while they saved up to find a place of their own.

      This was something she had come to regret, as the couple was unwilling to let the family continue using it for its intended purpose as a vacation home. When her parents arrived with several months' notice for their holiday, they had to book a hotel, as the brother-in-law had guests, which meant there was no suitable place for them to sleep. This was the final straw.

    • Am I wrong for requiring my brother-in-law's family to vacate the primary bedroom when my family visits our vacation house?

      My (36F) parents and I own a property in a tier 1 asian city that has been in our family for now three generations. My parents were considering selling it a while back but I bought them out. Though I paid lower than market price, my parents were happy with the deal and they still having a place to stay
      via techandthecity
    • when they go back. Usually the property is rented out, but my husband's younger brother fell on hard times and we offered to let them temporarily stay at the property rent free so they can save up. They've been there for the past two years.
      via techandthecity
    • Whenever we've gone back to visit (usually once a year for 2 weeks) I've had to specifically requested that they temporarily vacate the primary bedroom. They hemmed and hawed the first time until my husband (38M) reminded them that we were doing them a favor.
      via techandthecity
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    • This year we are not going back, but my parents are. I gave them a half year heads up on the dates my parents were going, all seemed fine. Last week, I got a call from my parents saying they were staying in an hotel. Apparently they arrived and my BIL & SIL said they were hosting friends and the only space
      via techandthecity
    • available was the home office with a pull out couch. My parents are in their 70s and did not want to fight them after a long flight and also did not want to antagonize my relationship with my IL's so decided to move to a hotel.
      via techandthecity
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    • I was furious. Typing this, I am STILL furious. I told my husband that he should be the one to handle this because no one would like the way I handle it. My husband basically told his brother that he's done and he needed
      via techandthecity
    • to move out immediately. My BIL/SIL texted me and left me voice notes calling me a bunch of names. ILs have called me begging me to reconsider and to give them grace.
      via techandthecity
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    • Frankly, I don't really care what happens to BIL & SIL anymore. I haven't responded to any messages and am just letting my husband handle it.
      via techandthecity
    • A man holding a tablet looks at a woman as they sit in bed together
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      A man holding a tablet looks at a woman as they sit in bed together

    • Quiet Jump_6383 NTA but you need to go there to assess damage or avoid damage. Then change the locks and ensure there are cameras everywhere.
      via Quiet_Jump_6383
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    • LobabyChick BIL thinks it's his property now. Bet he hasn't saved a dime either.
      via LobabyChick
    • Patient Sea_3753 2 years of free rent would put any responsible adult in a great position to find, or even buy, a new place. NTA.
      via Patient_Sea_3753
    • Comfortable_Stop_717 NTA. You've been giving them rent free housing for two years with the only stipulation being that a couple of weeks out of the year they give up the master bedroom for you or your family. Seems the least they can do.
      via Comfortable_Stop_717
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    • Accomplished-Two3577 I bet the people they are hosting believe the home is BIL'S.
      via Accomplished-Two3577
    • Gigafive They'd had two years of free rent and grace. They've given attitude in return. You might have to do a formal eviction to get them out. ΝΤΑ
      via Gigafive
    • WavesnMountains NTA they're a bunch of entitled moochers, you gave them the grace of 2 years to save up, good for you for ending the grift
      via WavesnMountains

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