Good, because no normal human being should ever be talking about shareholder value, margins, low-hanging fruit, and workshopping without stirring up a little cringe. For some reason, the corporate world has become a parody of itself. At first, office jobs and managerial positions seemed like the only way to get ahead in life, but in a world that's increasingly rewarding to tradesmen and craftspeople, the paperpushing types are straying farther and farther from reality… in the worst way.
A part of this dissociation from the real world starts with the corporate lingo: aligning, putting a pin, and becoming "thought leaders" was never meant to mean anything. But in the corporate world, being a thought leader or a thought aligner of sorts is like being Eddie V himself (aka: a god amongst mere mortals).
Alas, the perfection behind corpo-speak is that it's become completely devoid of meaning.
As the meaningless words of the workplace mingle, middle management and higher C-level jobs retain their meaning. Because without the managers and bosses to explain away the problems into dissolution, how will they maintain the front that they actually work during the day instead of attending a series of fluff-piece meetings and convention-style "think tanks." What if these "think tanks" did less thinking and actually achieved a function? It's hard to imagine, huh?
Well, while there are many parts of office work that have become menial and feel useless, there is at least a consensus surrounding the futility of corporate jargon. These buzzwords may not make you believe your boss when he says you're a "family" in the workplace, but at least you'll know exactly what he's actually trying to say: Nothing.
So let's all rally together on a TEAMs call and put our heads together on this one, because office workers of Reddit have come together to collect the stupidest, most infuriating corporate buzzwords of our era, and it's almost enough to make us want to leave our resignation letter in the communal printer. Sorry, boss, but I won't be circling back this time; this is the beginning and end of cheap corpo-talk.
Middle-aged model portraying what it's like to be in a boring business meeting.
Female model dressed as a businesswoman in a corporate workplace.
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