- 01
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AIO for giving my girlfriend an ultimatum because her newly single best friend has basically moved into our apartment?
❝Hey guys. Rn I’m getting texts from my gf and we are still fighting but wanted to take time to post this cuz I meant to do this days ago and forgot about it completely
So for some context I (M24) have my girlfriend who we’re gonna call Kelly (F23). I have been renting our first apartment together for about eight months and she has moved in already, and I know some people think we should be married first but I’ve known her for years and I trust her enough, or at least I kinda have until now. Things were great until recently but imo the biggest problem in our relationship has occasionally been her childhood best friend, Jude (M23). Her and Jude have a small history of not respecting boundaries at least I’ve heard from 1 of their mutual friends as well as noticed at times personally, though has never been as bad as it is rn since Jude has had a girlfriend who kept him busy for the longest time.
Around 3 weeks ago or so, Jude and his girlfriend had a breakup. Since then my life has been a nightmare. Jude can't handle being alone so he uses our apartment as his little hangout spot. He comes over every day at 2 then stays through dinner and doesn't leave until late at night.❞
- 02
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Breakups are hard. Nobody is disputing that. The first weeks after a relationship ends can feel genuinely destabilizing and having people around helps, the right people, in reasonable amounts, with some basic awareness of where the support ends and the imposition begins. That last part is doing a lot of work in this story.
There is a version of being a good friend to someone going through a breakup that looks like checking in, showing up for dinner, answering the 2am texts, being present during the hard stretch. That version is beautiful and it costs something real and it matters enormously to the person receiving it.
What happened here is a different version. Every single day for three weeks, 2pm until late at night, on the couch, at the dinner table, in the living room where a couple is supposed to have a life together. Not a few visits. Not a standing weekly dinner. Every day, for three weeks, until the boyfriend who pays half the rent to live in that apartment started feeling like a guest in his own home, which is one of the more specific and suffocating feelings available to a person in a relationship.
- 03
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❝Our routine is ruined. If I want to watch Netflix with my girlfriend Jude is already on the couch. If I try to cook dinner for her then bro is at the table eating our food. I haven't had any alone time with Kelly since he broke up with his girl.
I've tried to be patient because ik Jude is heartbroken and I’ve been through an ex who dumped me but it’s really getting out of hand. I feel like a guest in my home. Last night he was still on our couch at 11 pm scrolling through his exs insta. I hinted to Kelly that it was time for him to go. She ignored me. So I told Jude it was late. I had an early morning.
Jude looked hurt and left. The second he was gone Kelly turned on me and lost her freaking mind. She said I was not being nice or empathetic and didn't care about Judes feelings. I told her there's a difference between supporting a friend and letting him take over our relationship and space. I pay half the rent to live with her not to have a third roommate.❞
- 04
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He didn't throw anyone out. He didn't make a scene. He hinted once, got ignored, and then politely said it was late and he had an early morning, which is the most reasonable possible way to end an 11pm couch session with someone who lives somewhere else. And the response to that single, measured, completely justified moment was a fight, an ultimatum being called toxic, and a group chat roast from people who are hearing one side of a story about someone they already like.
Supporting a friend through a breakup is a good instinct. But it becomes a relationship problem the moment it stops being discussed with your partner and starts being unilaterally decided for them. The apartment belongs to both of them. The routine belongs to both of them. The couch, the dinners, the evenings, all of it exists in shared space that requires shared agreement about how it gets used.
He's not asking Jude to disappear. He's asking his girlfriend to acknowledge that three weeks of daily visits with no end in sight is not a friendship boundary, it's the absence of one.
- 05
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❝The argument got worse. I finally told her she needs to set boundaries with Jude or I won’t let him come over at all. Kelly then decided she was going to call me toxic. This morning I was added to her group chat. Her friends are roasting me saying I am both a horrible partner AND cold hearted. Nobody except my parents and my friends that I don’t share with her is on my side here, but I feel like I’m justified because who wants someone butting into their life for almost a full month the way he has been?
I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't think I'm asking for much. Just some days where my home feels like my home. I can be alone, with my girlfriend. Talk to me guys AIO I gotta know.❞
- 06
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
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Jude definitely sabotaged that relationship on purpose. Not that the ex needed much of a push.
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If Jude was this clingy with his ex then I can see why they broke up.
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Jude was like "well... since my relationship is ruined, yours will be too." But in the end of the day, Kelly is the one to blame.
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Your partner is trash and your marriage is toast
If you can't support your partner when times get tough, then you're not ready for an adult relationship.
Said the newly single guy
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Once upon a time, I also begged a partner for just 5 minutes of quality alone time. Literally just hold my hand for 5 minutes and sit down with me to reconnect after a busy few days. He also chose his friends/the girl he said I didn't need to worry about over me (literally opened the door for them while I was actively upset and crying). I left him and and these friends also started vague booking about me, and a few months after that he went official with aforementioned "just a friend".
Wouldn't surprise me at all if Kelly and Jude started dating. That or they'll continue to drag in poor, unsuspecting third parties into their weird, toxic, co-dependent relationship.
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The way the guy took advantage of this guys relationship makes me think he felt he always had the opportunity to “get the catch” and that is the core of their co-dependent relationship
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You can love someone and still realize the dynamic around them is draining your peace. Dude handled it way calmer than most people would.
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It's easy to blame Jude, but Kelly is just as toxic as him.
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