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Coworker insists every discussion happen on a call, then ghosts meetings and delays project for weeks, forcing manager to step in: ‘She’s withholding the information I need to do my work’

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  • Frustrated coworker struggling to coordinate a meeting with a colleague, represented by a model.
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  • Coworker keeps ghosting me during meetings she asks for

    Honestly, I don't know what to do about this. I'm working a remote, contract role with no schedule. It used to be a chill job for me; just me working independently and sending my finished work/updates primarily though email to my manager.
  • Recently we've had a new team member join. She's in a similar position as me (also remote, on-contract), and we have some overlapping responsibilities that we need to work together on. I was excited about this at first but I'm getting to the point now where I'm getting frustrated by how flaky and avoidant she is.
  • As soon as she joined, I noticed she's very insistent that all of our conversations (even just small updates/check-in's) need to be done through virtual calls.
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  • I'm fine and all with this, but honestly it's a confusing choice because one; we're in different time zones (she's three hours behind where I am), and two; this isn't our only responsibility- we both have either school or another job outside of this role.
  • So because of that all of our conversations needs to be coordinated in advance, which has begun to slow things down for me because I can't get started or advance on my work until these conversations happen.
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  • What's really making this frustrating is it's become a very regular thing for her to never show up and ghost me during these meetings that she requested.
  • It's become a common routine where I'll join the meeting and have to wait up to 30 minutes for her to join. I'll send her a message during it asking if she can make it, only to receive a response either hours or days later with a simple "oh sorry." There's never an excuse or explanation, instead she requests we do it instead on later date. Then when I join that later meeting.. the same thing happens again.
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  • Remote worker waiting for her coworker to join the call after being repeatedly ghosted.
  • I'm not even joking. I've had a request from her for a "quick 5-minute call" to answer something for her while she troubleshoots an issue, continuously get pushed back and rescheduled by almost an entire month because she could never commit to the times she'd request.
  • I got really irritated and eventually asked her to just write what she needs so I can get to it immediately, but no, she'd insist it needs to be done in a call.
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  • Finally, we were able to resolve it during our monthly check-in meeting with the manager. It literally went like this: Her: "are you able to see this thing on your end?" Me: "no" Her: "oh, okay" .. Seriously? That was all it was.
  • I was able to get away with not needing to work closely on anything for a while after that, but recently, I'm now relying on her to get context on a project I need to do, and again I'm dealing with this same routine.
  • I wasn't able to join our check-in meeting at the beginning of the month. It got rescheduled last minute to a time I wasn't able to attend, so I asked her to please fill me in on what gets discussed and what I need to work on.
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  • She scheduled a meeting with me to discuss the project and same thing, she never joins it. A week later my manager sends us both a message asking for progress and I message her again to please fill me in so I can work on it immediately. She responds a week later saying "a call would be suffice."
  • Well for two days now I've given her my availability and asked her to call me whenever works best for her, and I'm getting ghosted again. I'm so over it. It's at the point now she's just withholding the information I need to do my work, and now I'm about to miss the deadline for it.
  • An illustrative image of a colleague finally showing up to a meeting with manager after ghosting her coworker.
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  • I don't understand the logic. She's not old (she appears to be around my age or younger), so I don't understand her reliance on everything needing to be discussed verbally. It's like impossible for her to just write things down.
  • I was trying to theorize why she's like this with my partner - I thought maybe it gives her an excuse to put things off, or maybe that she's just doing everything as a meeting to look more professional, but then get anxious last minute and avoids them. But at this point it's starting to almost feel malicious and deliberate, which is also odd to me since she's relatively nice when I'm able to talk to her.
  • Edit: For more context - I have let my manager know about this. After he requested updates I followed up with a private message letting him know I've been unable to get in contact with this coworker (no direct evidence or screenshots yet). My manager has sent another message directed at the coworker asking them for updates but she hasn't responded to it from what I can tell.
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  • UPDATE: Last night after she failed to call me or give her availability during the time frame I provided (she messaged me the evening before saying she can call during the morning)- I sent her a follow up message telling her I'm no longer available for a call and for her to send me a written overview of the project because the deadline is soon. At the same time I updated my manager letting him know I'm still unable to get in contact with this coworker (if he asks why I'll send him evidence).
  • Last night at 9PM (6PM her time) I received a text message from her saying: "hey this is [coworker], feel free to call me if you have time today (??) or tomorrow." It's starting to get ridiculous at this point. I reiterated that I'm not available and she needs to send me a written overview. I guess I'll just wait and see now.
  • During our check-in meeting my coworker was acting really weird. She joined 7 minutes late with her webcam turned off, said it was because of a technical issue, then left the call again for another 5 minutes to restart her computer. When she rejoined again she ended up still keeping her webcam off and claimed she couldn't figure it out.
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  • Finally, when my manager confronted her and asked why she's been unresponsive she was quiet for a bit and then said, "Oh sorry, you're breaking up. Could you repeat that?" The whole thing was really odd, this was the first time she's ever gotten technical issues and the timing was a little too convenient.
  • When she did get around to responding she just repeated that me and her couldn't find a time to connect. I didn't argue with her (I already shared evidence that she's lying, so there was no point) - but I was really disappointed that my manager didn't press her and just moved on.
  • My manager ended up requesting I cc him in all of our future conversations, but I really lost respect for the role after dealing with this.
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  • I've been searching for a new role for months and finally joined a new role two weeks ago which has been like night and day. I'm just so relieved to be leaving all of that mess behind.
  • Oh - I also did a bit of research into my coworker and realized she's offering professional services on her Linkedin, which explains why she was so difficult to reach. She was likely working with multiple companies at once. It still doesn't explain all the weirdness or her not just being transparent with me that she's busy, but I thought that was interesting.

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