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    20-year-old daughter is expected to babysit her 7-year-old sibling whenever her parents want a weekend away, gets guilt-tripped when she pushes back

    Author image for Cata Holmes
    Cata Holmes • Writer
    Jun 2, 2026 12:00 PM EDT

    At what age are you officially allowed to stop being the backup parent?

    Having a much younger sibling can create a strange family dynamic, especially when one child reaches adulthood while the other is still very young. Many older siblings are happy to help out occasionally, whether that means babysitting for an evening or lending a hand during emergencies. The problem usually starts when helping out stops feeling like a favor and starts feeling like an expectation. Suddenly, weekends, holidays, and personal plans begin disappearing under the assumption that you'll always be available.

    That frustration tends to grow when parents don't seem interested in exploring any alternatives. Being the only person ever asked can leave someone feeling less like a family member and more like unpaid childcare on standby. While family support is important, many people believe it should come with reasonable notice, mutual respect, and the understanding that adult children have their own lives, responsibilities, and limited free time too.

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    • Portrait of a young adult woman in a natural setting.
      via Unsplash+ (via Anika Huizinga)

      Young woman outdoors with a thoughtful expression.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • I am in my early 20's, and I have a sibling who is significantly younger than me (13 years). I have moved out and live on my own at the moment, but there has been a habit I've noticed of my family expecting me to babysit and pet sit for free for the entire weekend. So I can't even bring my sibling and their pet to my apartment, as there's no pets allowed policy.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • I don't mind for a few hours or even a full day day, but they expect me to do it for the full weekend. I work full time, so this is the only time I get. They've asked me to do this twice the past 2 months, on top of other babysitting here and there (like an evening). But the thing is, they refuse to ask any other family. I've suggested it; and they say no they only ask me.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098

    • At first glance, the request might not seem unreasonable. Plenty of older siblings help out with childcare from time to time, especially when family is involved. But the situation starts to feel very different when the expectation becomes automatic. The poster wasn't being asked whether she was available so much as being informed that she would be. What made things even more frustrating was the fact that her parents apparently refused to consider any alternatives. As the requests became more frequent, she started wondering whether she was being treated like a daughter helping out occasionally or a permanent backup parenting plan.

    • They booked a trip already, and then told me they were going away, but I know I have a lot on around that time, so I said I'm not sure if I can as I think I'm going to be very drained and my sibling is very high maintenance. They started saying stuff like "oh we'll just cancel it then." and “we'll have to cancel it if you can't. oh we're so drained". That's not my problem!
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • They've done this for years. When I used to live with them, it was a constant "we're going away this weekend - be free" mindset, which I understood a little more as I lived there (even though I paid rent). Bur they would always do it on longer holiday weekends, so I couldn't go away and see friends or anything.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • Am I right in being frustrated and refusing? I feel guilty and difficult but also I hate that they don't look for an alternative - just assume I can.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • Commenters in r/Advice were overwhelmingly supportive of u/Acrobatic_Tea3098, arguing that occasional babysitting is very different from being treated as permanent on-call childcare. Many felt the real issue wasn't the request itself, but the assumption that her weekends automatically belonged to her parents whenever they wanted time away.

    • FamousSatisfaction68 Be strong and just say you're committed and have plans you can't get out of Whether you have or not doesn't matter But the more you don't stand up for yourself and say no the more you will be used and abused for this
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • Middleton WI It doesn't stop until YOU say 'No.'
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • Child portrait featuring natural light and a minimalist background.
      via Unsplash+ (via Richard Stachmann)

      Young boy sitting indoors with a calm, reflective look.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • Sledgehammer925 They are tired of parenting and are using you as a third parent. You need to learn to say no and stick to it. You don't owe them an explanation.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • No_Interview_2481 Stop letting them walk all over you. Let them know they need to ask you before they make their plans. You have a life also.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • purplechunkymonkey My kids are 14 years apart. We have asked him to watch her like when she was napping and I needed something gfrom the store that couldn't wait. If he said no, then he didn't watch her. He is 30 and she is 16. They regularly schedule sibling day where they go to the mall, get lunch, come home and play video games together.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • BryceKatz "I can't. I have plans." Don't elaborate. Don't explain. And absolutely do not apologize. You are not responsible for caring for your sibling.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • kamikidd Ask them how much they will be paying so you can decide if it benefits you. Dont ever be afraid to ask "what is in it for ME"? Are they paying off your tuition? Did they buy you a nice new car? Is there some other quid pro quo? What can they hold from you in retribution?
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • Negative_Till3888 You have no obligation to say yes. They're just using you for free babysitting. Which would me the h I off and I'm a parent of three young kids. I would never do this to anyone. They are very entitled. Stick to your guns and do what's best for you.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • EAM44 This can be expected in multigenerational homes in different cultures - especially if you are female. Do they pay for your life (apartment, healthcare, school)? Do they pay you to babysit?
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • El_Culero_Magnifico Let them cancel. Ignore their martyr routine. Time to set boundaries. it will set you free!
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • kodamagirl You have to say no and stick with it. Give them reminders they need to clear plans with you in advance and if they don't default to "no." No is a complete sentence. When they do "oh well cancel" say "hmm, that's unfortunate." And DO NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM FOR THEM.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • Childcare and family bonding moment at home
      via Unsplash+ (via Yunus Tuğ)

      Woman playing with a toddler in a cozy living room

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • Neo 1881 Next time, tell them you can't do it because you have to change the air in your tires and that takes 8 hours. LOL
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
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    • robinblackcat Just stop babysitting. Full stop. Refuse each time. Your life is your own. You owe them nothing. They will continue to take advantage of you. Every time you agree, even for a few hours, they know they can continue to guilt and manipulate you. Let them know today that your "job" as their sitter is over. They need to be responsible for the child that THEY created, not you. Tell them if they should start looking for alternatives.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098
    • grambambeebee You have your own life now. Tell them you already have plans for the weekend with friends or tell them to take the kid and dog with.
      via Acrobatic_Tea3098

    • Many readers felt this situation highlighted an important distinction between helping family and being expected to sacrifice personal time indefinitely. Supporting loved ones can be meaningful, but healthy relationships also require boundaries. At some point, adult children are allowed to have their own schedules, priorities, and weekends without feeling guilty for saying no.

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