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    Wife pushes husband to shorten his parents' month-long visits or get an Airbnb after years of handling the hosting alone: '[He] historically does not take PTO while they visit'

    When having your in-laws stay at home, your household routines change, and your privacy can disappear. Imagine dealing with month-long visits every single year and having to host them all on your own. It can easily feel overwhelming over time. 

    Living with in-laws can feel exhausting for some people, even if it is just for a few days. Imagine a whole month in which your husband works 16-hour-long days, and you have to cook, clean, and do house chores while he is away. 

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    • 01
      A frustrated wife after a long day of cleaning, cooking, and hosting her in-laws all by herself.
      via Unsplash+ (Meg Aghamyan)

      A frustrated wife after a long day of cleaning, cooking, and hosting her in-laws all by herself. 

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 02

      AITA for not wanting another month-long visit from in-laws and asking for a different arrangement?

      My husband (40M) and I (38F) live in the US. He is from Germany and his parents still live there. For the last few years they have visited us once a year and stayed for about a month at a time. This year I proposed alternate arrangements and need to know if AITA.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
    • 03
      For context, these visits cost us around $6000+ each time because we pay for their airfare, food, necessities, and outings. They stay in our house the entire time rather than a hotel or Airbnb. I work full time from home, while my husband works long days (16+ hours) and historically
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
    • 04
      does not take PTO while they visit. Because I'm home all day, I spend the bulk of the time with them. There is also a language barrier since they do not speak English and I do not speak German, so communication 100% on handheld translators.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
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    • 05
      The household workload also increases significantly. I do all of the cooking (6 nights a week), so grocery shopping, meal planning, prep, and cleanup basically double. I make full meals while considering everyone's dietary preferences and restrictions. Out of respect, I also prepare
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
    • 06
      and serve their plates and refill them when needed. After dinner, my husband and his parents usually relax and spend time together while I clean the kitchen and handle dishes. My husband will usually bring plates into the kitchen, but the rest falls to me. I still handle the majority of our normal household responsibilities too (kids, errands, laundry, cleaning, etc.) plus my job.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
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    • This wife is not suggesting cutting her husband's parents out of their lives. She is just looking for alternative arrangements. She seems to have tried very hard to make these visits work for years, but now she's understandably overwhelmed. The problem is the arrangement and the pressure it places on her every time her in-laws come to stay. 

    • 07
      Woman serving a meal cooked by herself for her in-laws.
      via Unsplash+ (Karolina Grabowska)

      Woman serving a meal cooked by herself for her in-laws.  

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • 08
      Another issue is that they are heavy smokers and spend most of their waking hours on our screened porch smoking. That space is normally where I work and decompress, so I essentially lose access to it for a month.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
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    • 09
      I want to be clear that I do not dislike his parents. They are nice people and I understand that living in another country makes visits harder and that my husband wants to maximize his time with them. He is very close with them.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
    • 10
      However, I genuinely do not think I can mentally handle another month-long visit under the current arrangement. I'm an only child and a very private person, and having houseguests for a month feels overwhelming and
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
    • 11
      Happy family enjoying time together while receiving an in-laws' visit.
      via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

      Happy family enjoying time together while receiving an in-laws' visit. 

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 12
      stressful. I also feel isolated because of the language barrier and lonely because the limited time I normally get with my husband essentially drops to almost zero while they're here.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745

    • Visits for a month should not become paid vacations for your guests while you carry all the weight. And the burden becomes even heavier when you are the one cooking, cleaning, and running all the errands in a home that has more people in it than usual. What's more, I can't even imagine adding the language barrier there. She can't even communicate easily with them. The situation sounds mentally draining. 

    • 13
      I've expressed my concerns before, but nothing changes. This year I suggested alternatives: •We use that money for a 2-week family trip to Germany instead of paying for his parents vacation to come to the US.
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
    • 14
      They visit for a month but stay in an Airbnb/hotel They stay with us but shorten the visit to 2 weeks
      via Perfect-Owl-9745
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    • On top of everything else, it is also incredibly expensive. Understandably, she starts thinking about whether there could be a healthier and more balanced arrangement for everyone involved. For example, using that money for a trip sounds like a reasonable idea. In fact, any of the solutions she suggested would be better than the current situation. 

    • 15
      My husband did not seem happy with these suggestions and the conversation ended quickly. AITA for not wanting another month-long visit in our home and asking for a different arrangement?
      via Perfect-Owl-9745

    • The arrangement has to change. She shouldn't have to keep sacrificing her peace of mind, comfort, and privacy for an entire month every year. Her husband has to see how overwhelming it is for her and do something. 

    • 16
      LiaCulture NTA. A month is a LONG time for houseguests, especially when you're the one doing most of the cooking, cleaning, hosting, and still working full time. Your suggestions were completely reasonable. Honestly if your husband wants month-long visits, he should be taking PTO and handling way more of the workload.
      via LiaCulture
    • 17
      Jerseygirl2468 That's the best idea. "Sure they can come for a month! I'll be renting an AirBNB or staying with my friend/family, so I can work undisturbed. Have fun!" I FOR SURE would not be doing all that cooking, cleaning, serving, shopping, etc.
      via Jerseygirl2468
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    • 18
      Lmamiru OP I would go visit your own parents or family/friends for a month. If he insists on it happening then he can deal with it.
      via Lmamiru
    • 19
      Green_Yesterday3054 A month is a really really long time for houseguests when they don't speak English and the wife doesn't speak German and the husband works 16 hours a day and the wife works at home and you have to pay for their food and entertainment.
      via Green_Yesterday3054

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