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    54-year-old mom gives her 28-year-old son 90 days to leave the house after years of rejected opportunities

    Somewhere along the way, the idea that kicking out your adult child makes you a bad parent became genuinely mainstream, and it has done a lot of damage to a lot of basements. 

    As a guy in his 30s, I should probably relate to the 28-year-old dude-son here, but, c'mon man, get a grip, get a job, get a room, something, just get something. Because a 54-year-old woman living abroad is now asking for advice on Reddit about navigating the particular guilt that comes from deciding, after years of fully funded opportunities and a house her son has been living in rent-free, that 28 is old enough to figure out a lease.

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    • Concerned woman standing in a kitchen reading her smartphone with a worried expression.
      via DimaBerlin

      Woman standing in a kitchen looking worried while reading something on her smartphone

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • I'm 54F finally kicking out my son 28M

      I 54F, have a son who will soon be 28M. I am separated from his father, I am financially independent and I live much of the time outside of Canada.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • My son, who is technically my stepson, is living in my house in Canada. I have raised him since he was about four as we were the primary household, although his biological mom is also in the picture. When his father and I
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • separated over 6 years ago, he chose to stay in the house with me and his younger sister 18F due to a complicated relationship with their father.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
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    • He had the option to go to college or university, with school fully paid for by me. He chose not to go. He had the option to go travel for a year, supported financially by me. He chose not to do that.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • He spends every day in the basement with his girlfriend drinking alcol, vaping and ordering take out. He works occasionally at a de d-end job, but never full time.... maybe 15 or 20 hours a week. I question if he's worked at all in the last year
      via Glittering_Ride2070
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    • He was given his father's old car at 18 which was in excellent running condition. He never took care of it and now it sits in the driveway rusting away.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • Woman holding a glass of water in a kitchen while checking her smartphone by a bright window.
      via DimaBerlin

      Woman standing in a kitchen holding a glass of water while reading her smartphone.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • He is responsible for paying a couple of bills and his car insurance, which he does otherwise those utilities would be cut off (internet and gas) since I made him put them in his name.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • He is also expected to take care of the yard and cut the grass, which he does only when he absolutely has to maybe once every 6 weeks.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • Recently, I've asked him to move out July 1st giving him almost 90 days notice. I've told him I have $5,000 put away for him to get set up in his own place, that I will pay it to a landlord only though.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
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    • I've been made aware that he might be selling some items out of the house that are not his .. and actually not even mine, but his sister's things. I haven't confirmed that yet, but we have had problems in the past where he assumed things were his just because we weren't there using them.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • Woman standing in a modern kitchen holding a glass of water while looking at her smartphone.
      via DimaBerlin

      Woman holding a glass of water and checking her smartphone in a kitchen.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • The offered alternatives are both impressive and, considering they weren't taken, also infuriating. College, paid in full. A year of travel, financially supported. Neither option was taken. What was taken was the basement, the internet, the gas, the yard maintenance, a minimum of once every six weeks, and apparently some of his sister's belongings, though that part is still being confirmed. The car that came free at 18 is now rusting in the driveway, which is doing a lot of metaphorical work.

    • He isn't talking to me much (again I live in a different country) and I assume he thinks I'm the bad guy for asking him to leave. That kids should be able to live with their parents for
      via Glittering_Ride2070
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    • as long as they want. That things are so tough for their generation , rent is expensive, they can't get jobs etc etc etc. I've heard him say things types of comments previously.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • I feel terrible that he's being put in this situation while he has no independent life skills, but how long am I expected to support him like this?
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • I love him to the moon. He's a gentle sweet soul who loves animals and treats people well. I'm proud of many of his qualities. I'm very concerned about his drinking and mental health.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
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    • There is a version of this story where the housing market and a rough economy are the villains, and that version is real and worth taking seriously. Rent is expensive. Entry-level jobs are not great. The generational headwinds are genuine. None of that explains the 15 hours a week of occasional work, the daily drinking, or the decision to turn down a fully paid university education. At some point, the structural argument and the personal choices stop overlapping.

    • His mother isn't in a position to support him financially, and the situation with his father is ab...ive so I would hate to see him go there. The only thing is I don't want to support him any longer, as he will never be independent if I don't cut the cord. I want to do something else with the house.. either rent it or sell it.
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • His 18 year old sister is happily living independently (with roommates) and working to make her own money (with some financial cushion from me).
      via Glittering_Ride2070
    • Looking for feedback as to how to handle this situation from a young adults perspective. I want to be supportive to him but I can't keep enabling him to be like this. It would k I me to see
      via Glittering_Ride2070
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    • something bad happen to him if I make him leave, but on the other hand watching him drink himself to death in the basement would be no picnic either.
      via Glittering_Ride2070

    • What makes her situation genuinely hard is that she clearly loves him and is clear-eyed about his struggles at the same time. She is not angry, exactly. She is describing a gentle person who treats people well and is also slowly disappearing into a basement with a vape and a takeout habit, and she is trying to figure out how much of that she is responsible for preventing. The $5,000 she is setting aside, payable directly to a landlord so it cannot be spent on other things, is not the move of someone washing their hands of the situation.

    • I'm just looking for some guidance, from a young personas prospective in particular.
      via Glittering_Ride2070

    • Ninety days notice, a financial cushion, and a mother who is clearly losing sleep over it is a soft landing by most standards. The rest is his to figure out.

    • TD;LR Would like feedback from young adults' perspective about making my 28M son to move out of the house.
      via Glittering_Ride2070

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