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Twin brothers going head-to-head.
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AITA for having so much resentment towards my high-earning brother?
I’m an identical twin. Growing up, we were inseparable, but after school we went in very different directions. I studied Ecology, completed a research MSc, and now work as an ecologist in Ireland. My brother studied Computer Science and has worked in software engineering since graduating in 2022. He now works for Microsoft in Dublin and likely earns over €70k, while I earn €32,500.
I know ecology isn’t a high-paying field, and my resentment isn’t really about him earning more. It’s the way he behaves around money despite being so financially comfortable. He constantly complains in the family group chat about how expensive things are, acts broke, and is extremely tight with money while saving huge amounts.
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When someone finds out how much their sibling makes in their job, it's difficult not to start drawing comparisons. As soon as you spend some time together, you will notice how they behave when it comes to their money, and how different it is from your own actions.
This is why it came as a surprise to the sibling to discover just how cheap his twin is, despite knowing exactly how much he makes each month.
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One example: my mom and I visited him in Dublin and paid for a hotel room together that was only a 5-minute walk from his apartment. He showed up with a backpack and stayed in the spare bed for free. Later that night, he bought one round of drinks at the hotel bar (€13 total). A few days later, after staying in the room we paid for, he requested money back from both of us for the drinks.
That same weekend, I borrowed my mom’s car to drive us to a scenic walk while she went shopping. I filled the tank with €60 petrol afterward because I thought it was the decent thing to do. He never offered to contribute.
Another time, while visiting me in Galway, we went to a market with a ferris wheel. Two tickets cost €7. I asked him to pay and said I’d send him the money back immediately, but he publicly berated me for “always expecting him to pay” and said he was sick of paying for me.
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Man holding a wallet.
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There have been plenty of other occasions too. I used to give him lifts from Galway to Kerry, passing through Limerick where he lived at the time, and he never offered petrol money. If he ever bought me a coffee, there’d be a Revolut request afterward.
Most recently, his partner is building a house that’s nearly finished. He told me he won’t even be expected to pay rent there, only contribute to bills, while continuing to work remotely on a high salary. Meanwhile, I pay over €800 a month in rent and bills, around €300 monthly on medical expenses, food, and running a car — all on €32.5k a year. Yet he still complains to me and my mom about money.
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Twin brothers posing to the camera.
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I know I sound petty, but the disparity and his attitude toward money make me deeply resentful. I’ve tried raising it with him multiple times, but it always turns into arguments, and my mom usually defends him. It’s creating a real rift between us, and I find myself getting irritated whenever I think about him.
Am I the a**ole for being so resentful?
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Person typing on laptop.
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It is fair to say that the sibling doesn't resent the brother for being successful or for making twice as much as him, but he resents the brother for his stingy behavior towards money.
No one expects the brother who earns more to spend all his money on his family, but becoming so obsessed with money that he demands they pay him back for a drink is quite extreme, and it makes sense that they grew tired of it so quickly.
Will the brother ever change? It doesn't seem likely, no matter how much money he makes in the future…
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