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AIO: Mother-In-Law wasted our time, hundreds of dollars, and totally ruined our experience.
“2 or 3 times a year my wife, brother, and I rent a pontoon boat for a full day on the lake. It's our favorite part of summer. Generally 1 trip will be early when the water is still too cold to swim, but being eager to get out after a long winter, we spend the day cruising and drifting. The other trip or 2 will be in July and then maybe August when we can anchor and swim. Yesterday was our first trip of the year, and we invited her mom. Huge mistake.
A day before the trip she insisted she be able to take her dog. This is problematic because the dog would need potty breaks, would have to be watched carefully (especially when moving), we would have to pay an additional $50 pet fee, and we would need to give up our luxury deluxe boat for a stripped down, uncomfortable, all metal, stadium bench "pet friendly" boat. Fine. Whatever. We agreed."
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What happened instead was a cascade of accommodations that got nothing in return. The luxury boat went first, swapped for an all-metal, stadium-bench situation because of a last-minute dog request the day before the trip. Then the $50 pet fee. Then the 6:30am wake-up from someone who had agreed to a 5am start and simply decided not to. Then the hour lost at launch, then another hour, until a nine-hour rental became seven hours before the boat even left the dock. Then the announcement at 1pm, two hours in, that she wouldn't be staying until 6. Then the shrieking at 1:30pm to leave immediately, with a rotating list of reasons that materialized out of nowhere.
Eleven to two. Three hours on the water after two hours of driving each way, a full day of planning, time off work, and hundreds of dollars spent on a boat they didn't want for a trip that got cut to a third of what it was supposed to be.
- 03
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"We began the day needing to get up at 5am to leave by 7am to take the 2 hour journey down to the lake to be there at our 9am launch time. Her mom wouldn't get up until 6:30am having known this and agreed. We wouldn't get there until 10am, instantly losing out on an hour (9am to 6pm rent time). She further took her sweet time and we wouldn't load and launch until 11am. Down to 7 hours of our 9 hours."
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The frustration that finally came out in that car on the way home wasn't an overreaction. It was the entirely predictable result of a very patient person hitting the end of a very long rope after years of exactly this — and the specific cruelty of having it happen on one of the few things they genuinely look forward to all year. The pontoon trip isn't just a day out. It's the favorite part of summer. It was earned. It was planned. And it got dismantled piece by piece before it even properly started.
The wife's note that he didn't need to be so mean is fair, delivery matters, and there's always a kinder version of a hard truth. But the truth itself was correct. Some people, when given an inch of accommodation, take the whole day. And the only real mistake here was extending the invitation in the first place.
Some lessons cost three hours and a few hundred dollars. This one was worth learning once.
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"By 1pm (2 hours into the trip) she said we won't be staying until 6pm. I'm fuming at this point, but I'm keeping it together. We could have just rented for half the day for half the cost, although she would have totally ruined that with her untimely behavior. I told her the best I can do is start heading back to the marina at 4pm. She was silent. By 1:30pm she began shrieking that we need to leave and had a hundred different reasons why. I snapped and said she completely ruined the day with her stupid dog, this uncomfortable boat, hours lost, money wasted, a wasted drive, wasted time off work, etc. I took us back to the marina, unloaded, and we left. 11am to 2pm is all we got after every accommodation and all the time and all the money.
On the way home she made a remark that I need to stop giving her cr*p. This was in response to her saying my name and me responding with, "No. Whatever you have to say, whatever you have to do, figure it out. Just no." She mouthed off some more and I snapped again and went on a tirade about how she ruins everything and she's invited to absolutely nothing again. This is a mean old dr*nk I have tolerated for years with extreme patience but today put me over the edge. My wife and I later talked alone and while she understood my point, anger, and frustration, and was equally frustrated, she told me I didn't need to be so mean."
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I would have left her in bed if she wasn’t out the door at 7:00 am
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Stop giving in to her. She’s not the boss of you.
I have to bring my dog. No. The boat we rented doesn’t allow dogs.
I want to leave now. No, the trip ends at 6:00.
Good for you for finally finding your spine AFTER she ruined everyone’s day, but I wish you’d done it sooner. NOR
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I would have said no dog if it meant an uncomfortable boat, & would have left on time without her.
The good thing is you finally reached your limit & said so. Stop inviting the miserable woman. If your wife wants to see her mom, they can get together without you.
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NOR, but with respect, why wasn’t your wife enforcing punctuality and requirements with HER mother? Who even invited her?
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Do not feel bad, and do NOT invite her to things again. You are NOT the problem.
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Send her a bill for the entire cost of the day, plus an AH tax. She won't pay it, but maybe she'll be so offended she won't talk to you for a few years.
That's what I call a win-win!
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Did she even want to go in the first place? Why wait for her. You told her the plan - be ready to leave by 7. She wasn't. Walk out the door as the plan goes, and if she she's still in bed, or putzing around, you just leave.
I can't stand selfish people who are always late. To me it signals that they don't care about other people's time.
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Definitely not overreacting a t all. What a selfish, miserable human being. Never invite her again
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NOR. The way she would never be invited to anything again
Especially after years of putting up with her bullsh*t. Never again.
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No. You were NOR. I wouldn't offer her invites to things like this anymore. I simply would not do it. She would never have reach this age, while acting like this if she was a reasonable person who could be reasoned with, so I wouldnt bother trying to have conversations with her about this. I would just put down boundaries to protect myself and my peace, remembering that your boundaries are about your behaviors and limits, not hers. This means her behavior cannot break your boundary - so, for instance, you dont invite her to events where her tardiness or her wanting to leave early can effect it. You could still invite her to the barbecue at your house, and pay no attention to when she arrives, when she leaves, or what she prefers you to cook. See the difference?
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NOR You snapped because MIL has been awful for years and ruined everything.
Your wife saying you didn't need to be so mean - ask her to tell you in detail what you should have said? What your wife says will be eye opening. The blame is not on you! -
You tried to include her. You made tons of accommodations. And in response you got complaints, a lack of courtesy, and your fun day cut short to a shi*ty outing with no remorse on her part.
Could you have been kinder with your words? Sure. But the fact that your wife didn't think you were overreacting tells you what you need to know.
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Look at it as a positive. You’ve done it with her, she didn’t like it, you didn’t like it. You will never have to do this again.
It could have been bearable and you’d be expected to roll this out again and again.
Small mercies
Smile and wave my friend……
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