- 01
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
-
AITA for refusing to spend my money on my father?
"I’m a minor, and my dad is already 60 years old. Everything started when I received a city scholarship in Grade 8. The scholarship financially helps students with good grades and gives an allowance twice a year. In total, it’s around $158.34 converted from our currency.
That scholarship meant a lot to me because it finally helped lessen the financial burden on my mom. My dad has rarely helped with my school allowance or school expenses. On the rare occasions he gives me money for school, it’s only around $0.81, and he still gets angry whenever he reminds me about it. I’m also the only student left in the family because my siblings are already working."
- 02
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
-
Winning a scholarship as a student means something. It means showing up, doing the work, earning recognition for it, and receiving something in return that is yours, genuinely, completely yours, in a way that very few things are when you're young and financially dependent on the adults around you. For this particular student, it meant something even more specific: finally being able to eat lunch without asking his mom for money. Finally having enough for transportation. Finally not being a burden on the parent who had already been carrying everything alone.
That feeling lasted approximately as long as it took his father to find out about it.
A retired man with savings and a pension has more financial resources than a minor student living on a twice-yearly scholarship allowance. That sentence should not need to be written. It should be so obvious that it requires no discussion. And yet here is a father demanding his son buy him food, food that costs more than his own lunch and transportation combined, demanding Adidas jackets and sports jerseys, and getting angry when he asks if he could cook something at home instead. The same home where he is not allowed to use the kitchen himself.
He has been skipping his own lunch to fund his father's requests. Read that again.
- 03
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
-
"Ever since I started receiving the scholarship, my dad has constantly been asking me to buy things for him. The allowance was the only money I had for myself. Like finally, I could stop asking my mom for money because I knew life had not been easy for her.
I use the allowance for my daily food at school, transportation, and school expenses. My dad gets angry whenever I ask if he could cook lunch for me, and he refuses to teach me how to cook or even let me use the kitchen on my own. I have no choice but to buy overpriced school food."
- 04
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
-
The cultural context here is real and worth acknowledging, in many parts of the world, children are expected to support their parents, and that expectation comes from a genuine place of family loyalty and gratitude. Helping parents, contributing to the household, showing appreciation, none of that is wrong. What is wrong is directing those expectations at a minor child who is surviving on a scholarship, before he has even finished school, while the parent in question has his own income and his own savings and his own pension and is choosing to spend someone else's lunch money instead.
Parenting is not an invoice. Choosing to have children and raising them is not a transaction that matures into a monthly food delivery service the moment they receive their first scholarship check. The guilt he feels about his tone in one frustrated conversation is not the issue. The issue is a grown adult with financial resources who has decided that his teenage son's carefully budgeted allowance is available for his discretionary spending.
He saved for uniforms. He saved for transportation. He said no to an Adidas jacket he couldn't afford.
That's not disrespect. That's exactly what financial responsibility looks like, and he learned it without any help from his father.
- 05
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
-
"Despite knowing that, my dad keeps demanding that I buy him food and other things. He’s retired, has savings, and also receives a pension, so I’ve always been confused about why he expects me to spend so much of my allowance on him. Sometimes, I skip lunch at school just so I can buy him food that costs more than my transportation and lunch combined. I also can’t freely hang out with my friends because he only allows me to go out if I bring him food afterward.
I understand that in our culture, we are expected to give back to our parents and appreciate their sacrifices. I understand helping out or buying gifts on special occasions. But the amount of times my dad expects me to spend money on him feels excessive, especially when he asks for things beyond my budget, like an Adidas jacket or sports jerseys.
Now that a new school year is about to start, I transferred to a private school for Grade 11. I used my scholarship allowance to buy uniforms and school supplies, and I’m saving the rest for transportation and food during the school year. Recently, my dad started demanding expensive food again, and this time I refused because I was budgeting my money carefully. I admit my tone sounded disrespectful because I was already frustrated. He became angry and reminded me of all the sacrifices he made for our family. I felt guilty because I know he worked hard for us.
At the same time, I'm conflicted. In our country, we are expected to support our parents, even after moving out. But personally, if I ever have children, I would never want them to feel like they owe me for simply doing my responsibility as a parent :("
- 06
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
-
Children don't owe their parents anything. They chose to have children and should be responsible for the financial costs of doing so. Your education is important and an investment in yourself and your future. It's smart to hold onto that money. You're NTA.
-
Maybe it's hard for me to relate not being part of your culture but from the outside looking in this sounds terrible. Not just the money part but the fact that he won't teach you to cook or even allow you to use the kitchen? All of it together sounds like he's not doing what a parent should which is supporting you in every way they can to give you a solid start in life. IMO NTA
-
You’re NTA.
And I just want to say this kindly, you’re not doing anything wrong by protecting your school money. That scholarship is for YOU, for food, transport, and school needs, not for buying your dad expensive meals or things you can’t afford.
It’s understandable you feel guilty, because you care about him, but needing to eat and get to school is not disrespectful, it’s basic. You’re not being selfish, you’re just trying to take care of yourself.
You deserve that. Parents should never expect money from their young children.
-
NTA. YOU earned that scholarship by working hard not your father. Keep that scholarship money for your school related expenses, that money is not your dad's!. Your dad should be ashamed he is being a mooch/leech.
-
NTA, expecting your minor child to skip meals and spend their scholarship money on your wants while barely supporting their actual school needs is selfish parenting no matter what culture you grew up in.
-
NTA
I understand that in our culture, we are expected to give back to our parents and appreciate their sacrifices.
Your parents (in this case your father) has to make a sacrifice for it to be appreciated. This money is to enable you to have a proper education, this can include things that are important for a child to experience, like spending time with friends and socializing. It sounds like you're being extremely responsible with the money and that's great. It should not be spent on your father or things that he should be covering. His failure to teach you to cook is a major problem. You should try to get lessons from your mother or siblings, both to help you save money on expensive school food, but also as an important tool for any adult to have.
-
NTA. He chose to have a family. What sacrifices is he making when he’s choosing not to pay for your school or feed you?
-
NTA, u r his child thus his responsibility, u don’t owe him anything and he should make u feel guilty because he is ‘providing’ for u, it’s literally his job.
Is there anyway u can do something about the food cost? Maybe go to the store after school and get the prepared lunches? Idk which country this is but I’m assuming they r cheaper than the school lunches.
Setting boundaries with him might be difficult and dangerous, assuming u r living with him. Is there anyway u can make it seem like the scholarship money can only be used for school expenses? Like say that u need to provide a receipt for every purchase? Or find some other way around it? That way he won’t be able to guilt u into spending your money on him
-
‘Father, I have no spare money to buy you food or gifts. If I spend on you, that means I forgo a meal. That affects my ability to study hard and to get sufficiently good grades. Please stop asking me.’
-
Put Ur money in the bank an use it for Ur needs.ur dad is old enough to look after himself.
-
Eat lunch at school. Do you have physical control of the money? Where do you keep it?
-
It's not a wage, it's an allowance for YOUR expenses that he doesn't bother to cover.
-
NTA.. support him if you want when your a adult. You dont owe him anything now
Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.