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    Stepmom refuses to take her 13 an 11-year-old stepdaughters to Disneyland without their dad because she cant trust they’ll listen to her and won't wander off

    Taking a toddler to Disneyland is already a full-time job. Adding two preteens who have formally declared their independence from adult authority is a different thing entirely.

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    • Woman sitting on a couch with her hand on her forehead, appearing stressed or emotionally exhausted.
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      Woman sitting on a couch holding her head with a stressed expression.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Step parenting sounds fun and easy, it isn’t. I’m kidding, what it does sound like is a process that comes with a powerlessness that nobody prepares you for. You are responsible enough to be blamed if something goes wrong, but not recognized enough to actually stop it from happening. You're not my mom is not just something kids say to be difficult. It is a functional description of the authority structure in the room, and it matters a lot more when you are trying to keep track of two preteens and a three-year-old across 500 acres of organized chaos.

    • AIO for refusing to take my stepkids on vacation without their dad?

      I'm 34F and my husband is 37M. We've been together for about five years and have a three-year-old daughter together. He also has two daughters from a previous relationship who are 13 and 11.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • Every year, my family takes a big vacation together. Sometimes it's Disney World or Disneyland, sometimes a beach trip, a
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • cabin, a cruise, or even trips out of the country. Over the years we've gone to places like Canada, Mexico, and New York.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
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    • I have taken my stepkids on family trips before, but only when my husband is also there. If he can't go, I don't take them.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • The reason is not that I don't care about them. It's that they don't really listen to me or respect me in a parental role, and it becomes stressful in crowded places.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
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    • Woman resting on a couch with a hand on her forehead, looking tired or stressed at home.
      via Getty Images For Unsplash+

      Woman sitting on a couch with her hand on her forehead, appearing tired.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • They tend to wander off in stores, ignore instructions, and say things like "you're not my mom" when I try to correct them. A few weeks
      via Humble-Classroom4235
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    • ago, one of them even wandered off in Walmart without telling me while I was shopping. I didn't know where she went and panicked trying to find her.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • She was just in the makeup aisle, but I had no idea at the time and it really scared me.
      via Humble-Classroom4235

    • The Walmart situation says everything. One kid disappeared in a familiar store in a familiar city with no toddler in the mix, and it was still terrifying. Disneyland is a completely different scale of crowded, loud, and overwhelming, and the stakes of losing someone there are considerably higher than the makeup aisle at Walmart.

    • After that, my husband and their mom both talked to them about safety and listening, and they promised they would do better. But I honestly still feel uneasy about it.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
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    • This year, my nephew is graduating, and my family picked California and Disneyland for our trip. My
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • husband can't go because of work, so I told him I don't feel comfortable taking the girls this year.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • The girls are upset and say they haven't been on a "real" fun trip in about two years. I reminded them that we did take them on a winter cabin trip this year, but they don't really count that the same way.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
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    • After that, my husband and their mom talked to them again. The girls promised they would behave and stay with the group, but I still don't fully trust it.
      via Humble-Classroom4235

    • The part that is genuinely maddening is how the responsibility gets distributed in these conversations. Both the dad and the biological mom think the trip should happen. Both of them have real authority over these kids. Neither of them is going. The person with the least standing in this family is the one being asked to absorb all the risk and just trust that this time the girls will stay with the group because they promised.

    • I told my husband I don't want to be responsible if something happens while we're out of state. I love them, but I also feel like
      via Humble-Classroom4235
    • I'm not their parent, and if they ignore me and something goes wrong, I would be blamed.
      via Humble-Classroom4235
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    • My husband thinks I should give them another chance and let them go. Their mom understands my concerns but also thinks I should just try.
      via Humble-Classroom4235

    • Pre-trip promises from preteens are sweet. They are also not a safety plan.

    • I feel like this isn't about punishment, it's about safety and knowing my limits. I don't feel confident managing them alone in a crowded place while also watching my three-year- old.
      via Humble-Classroom4235

    • Knowing what you can and cannot handle is not a character flaw, and it is definitely not punishment. The girls being upset about missing a fun trip is real and valid, and it also has nothing to do with whether this is actually a good idea. Dad can take time off work, or everyone can wait for a trip where the adults who actually hold authority over these kids are present. Disneyland is not going anywhere.

    • AIO for refusing to take my stepkids on vacation without their dad?
      via Humble-Classroom4235

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