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Parents of child's classmate asked for a $14K loan
So my child goes to an expensive private school in large part because our family started a successful business which allows us to afford tuition and also donate to annual fundraisers. We received a lot of recognition at the last annual fundraiser that took place one month ago.
Yesterday I received a text message from a parent of one of my kid's classmates. We are acquaintances. I used to see her at school events and we'd chat a little, but definitely not what I would consider to be a good friend. Back to the text.
She said that she was embarrassed to ask, but that her husband was waiting for his small business loan to process and they were in desperate need of a loan to cover expenses in the meantime.
She asked if I knew of any "angel investors" that could help them out. I texted her back with a list of contacts we have that help with these loans and situations. I also suggested a few credit companies that can offer quick money with low interest. She thanked me and I thought that was that. Weird, but okay.
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At first, the request seemed awkward but harmless enough. The mom figured the other parent was simply stressed and looking for financial advice during a rough patch. Unfortunately, the situation quickly escalated from “Do you know any investors?” to something that felt much more personal, uncomfortable, and honestly a little suspicious.
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She messages me again today and says that the person handling their loan doesn't want their credit "to take a hit" so that avenue is out of the question. She said that they owe the private school $14K in tuition, and if it is not paid by this Friday, her kids will not be able to take their finals (they have three kids enrolled in this school). She goes on to ask if we know anyone who would loan them $14K.
I respond that I'm sorry she is in this stressful situation, but my husband and I have established a rule of not giving personal loans, even to family members. I suggested asking if the school would work with them because I've heard that they will offer financial assistance under circumstances. She immediately responded that she wasn't meaning to ask me for a loan personally, but if we knew anyone. I don't buy that one bit.
Long story long, I guess I'm here for reassurance that I handled this situation appropriately and that this is extremely out of the ordinary to ask an acquaintance for a loan like that. My spider sense is also telling me that I'm not getting the whole story about what is going on with that family. I have been in similar situations with problem gamblers and addicts in my family, and this exchange felt very familiar.
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Once the messages started sounding less like a request for advice and more like a carefully disguised attempt to borrow money directly, the internet immediately became suspicious. Plenty of commenters pointed out the massive red flags, especially the refusal to use normal lenders while simultaneously dropping extremely urgent tuition deadlines into the conversation.
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Dry-Ad-3826
She came to you because of your past philanthropy. While we don't know if she'd already asked family and closer friends, she wasn't just dialing all acquaintances. There was a method to her call and she absolutely wanted you to volunteer the loan. You handled the first call beautifully.
While it's likely true that her business loan company wouldn't wnat them taking out other loans or having their credit get a hard pull during the process, she put you in the position of having to decline a personal loan. I mean, what else could she want right? You'd already offered her all the options you knew of during the first text exchange. It's not like you had a rabbit in the hat to pull out of "oh yeah the school has a $14K emergency scholarship fund I didn't tell you about in the first call".
It s*cks to be stuck in a financial bind. It's embarrasing. It's panic. But this situation was a long time coming where they had time to maneuver OR it was a giant shock to one of them because the other was doing somthing less than public. Either way you answered her question. She followed up trying to save her own pride (understandable) that she wasn't asking (she kinda was).
The best thing you can do now is to erase it from your memory. Don't mention it to anyone - especially not to your own kids - and act perfectly normal the next time you see her.
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Middle_Degree_1995
Who tf asks anyone for $14k loan or otherwise?? Looks like her children are headed to public school because private school is a luxury they can no longer afford.
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_ChickVicious
Your Spidey senses are phenomenal. Please don’t loan money to acquaintances or acquaintances’ friends or acquaintances’ estranged family. Just no.
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JMarchPineville
NTA. Just because you’re doing ok doesn’t mean you’re the bank.
What’s weird is that they’re even being picky about it… They don’t want help, they want someone to bail them out. Not your problem at all.
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Glass_Nepotism
Dude, you handled this perfectly! That's some seriously bold asking, especially since you're not even close friends. Your spider sense is probably on point; sounds like there's more going on there. Definitely dodged a bullet by sticking to your guns.
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Salty_Badger1931
We once had our son’s coach call and ask for $10k to help them buy their home - so that they didn’t have to use their 401k. My husband said no nicely, I told the wife when she came up to me at practice that he is our son’s coach, we aren’t their bank. Coach was normal after it, she was furious and would go out of her way to ignore me and give me nasty looks.
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seamonstersparkles
Sounds like it’s time for her to enroll the kids in public school! I think your gut is spot on. The lack of shame and desperation in asking you are major red flags and seems just like addict behavior or grifters living beyond their means and relying on others.
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sdriemline
We had a situation like this in an entrepreneur group I was part of (roughly 1,000 members) and turned out the girl had already borrowed a bunch of money from a bunch of other people and nobody had any clue she used the same story to hit up a bunch of us.
Not saying that's happening here but was a big eye opener.
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Most commenters agreed that the mom handled the situation as politely and carefully as possible without getting financially involved. While some people sympathized with the other family’s situation, many felt the repeated messages crossed a major social boundary, especially considering they were barely more than acquaintances from school events. Others also pointed out how strange it was that traditional lending options were suddenly off the table despite the family supposedly waiting on a legitimate business loan. Between the urgency, the guilt-heavy wording, and the timing right after the fundraiser recognition, plenty of readers shared the same instinct: something about the entire story simply did not add up.
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