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    Dad refuses to host sister's 4 kids in 2 bedroom apartment where 5 and 7-year-old already share a room: 'Just let them squish together'

    Are we obliged to let family stay with us no matter what?

    For a lot of people, having relatives visit is simply another part of family life, and babysitting the kids is something that is even more inevitable. If you are related to a parent with whom you are on decent terms, it is highly likely that you have watched their children at least once or twice. It is one of those favors that almost always come up.

    That being said, people often have limits on this form of generosity, both in practice and in principle. Not everyone has the lifestyle and the setup to support multiple individuals, let alone kids, for an extended period of time. They can't be the go-to person for free childcare simply due to proximity; all the other factors have to be considered as well. 

    As a parent in desperate need of a babysitter, this can be one disappointment too far. Still, it is important to be realistic when it comes to whether relatives can cope with the level of childcare that they may be needing. It isn't always fair to dump this responsibility on them, in particular when there are other viable options available.

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    • Two young boys play on a bottom bunk bed, one lying on his back and the other standing up
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      Two young boys play on a bottom bunk bed, one lying on his back and the other standing up

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • A mom was expecting her fifth child with her husband, and was considering who would look after the other four kids when the baby came. She decided that her brother would be the best option to allow her some time alone with her new child and her husband.

      The issue was that the brother lived with his two kids and his wife in a two-bedroom apartment, and he didn't think he had enough space to host his nieces and nephews for two whole days. On top of that, he didn't want to leave his wife with six children while he went to work. He refused her demand, but after her upset reaction, he wasn't sure he had done the right thing.

    • Am I wrong for not wanting to take in my sister's 4 kids?

      129M have a two bedroom apartment. My wife and I have 2 kids (5&7) who already share a bedroom. My sister and I are the only relatives that live close to each other. Our parents live about an hour and a half away. My sister is currently pregnant with her 5th child, and had asked me about taking her kids when she goes to deliver, and then for the next day as well.
      via Intelligent-Fig-5571
    • Her kids are 12, 10, 8 and 2. I told her I really didn't think that would work out space wise, and I work weekdays so it'd be a lot on my wife. She told me take the days off, or just let them squish together that it'd be fine. I told her no, I really didn't see how it would work out. She was upset and said she was getting stressed out because she really needed
      via Intelligent-Fig-5571
    • reliable care. I asked her what about her sitter (because she does have a sitter) and she said she really didn't want to have to pay for it, and she wanted a day with her husband and her and the baby. I told her I was sorry, but no. She argued with me a little bit; which was more her trying to persuade
      via Intelligent-Fig-5571
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    • me, then when she saw she couldn't she got mad and said that I was her only option and family helps family. It's been 2 days, and she hasn't reached out. We typically talk daily. AITA
      via Intelligent-Fig-5571
    • Add: we cannot go to her house because the second day I was referring too, is she wants alone time at home with her husband and the baby.
      via Intelligent-Fig-5571
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    • A young girl wearing pink fairy wings smiles and touches the arm of her father, who is assembling a bed in a bedroom
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      A young girl wearing pink fairy wings smiles and touches the arm of her father, who is assembling a bed in a bedroom

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • AKlife420 NTA, why can't mom and dad drive the 1.5 hours to come watch the kids? Or she can pay the sitter. You said No and that is a complete sentence.
      via AKlife420
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    • and she wanted a day with her husband and her and the baby. That kind of goes out the window when you have 4 other kids you have to take care of.
      via AKlife420
    • lizeken Am I the only one who doesn't think an hour and a half is that far? If the parents lived multiple states over or across the country then sure I can see why she'd ask OP. Having the parents stay at the sister's house or taking the kids to the parents' house seems way more logical
      via lizeken
    • DrTeethPhD NTA If you're having trouble arranging care for your four kids, don't have a fifth.
      via DrTeethPhD
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    • pseudopod_ink NTA. You're not her only option, just the free one.
      via pseudopod_ink
    • Discount_Mithral NTA. Your parents can make the trip out to help, she also has a husband who can take time off work. This isn't a "you" problem. When you decide to have 5 kids, your "time alone" really just drops to zero.
      via Discount_Mithral
    • JCannaday3 They have had MONTHS to prepare for this and a conversation should have occurred long ago. The imposition of 4 extra children is over the top and an unfair ask. You should feel no obligation.
      via JCannaday3
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    • crackerfactorywheel NTA. Your parents are only 1 1/2 hours away and could take them. Or heck, the husband's family could take them.
      via crackerfactorywheel
    • WildMoonChild0129 NTA, thats 6 children in total. I would lose my mind, and with a majority of the child caring falling on your wife isnt fair. That isnt even addressing the lack of space, she can pay for a sitter
      via WildMoonChild0129
    • Ancient_Land4268 NTA ་ to the husband that respected his wife's time and mental load enough to not volunteer her for this
      via Ancient_Land4268
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    • wafflesbananahammock NTA. 5th kid on the way and won't even pay a sitter. Plus demanding a day alone so you can't even stay at her house.
      via wafflesbananahammock

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