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AITA for making my coworker miss his proposal because I wouldn’t cover his shift?
"I (29F) work at a restaurant with this guy we can call him “Mark” (idk,M). A few weeks ago he told everyone he was planning to propose to his girlfriend during a concert they were going to, and he kept hyping it up nonstop. The problem is that he scheduled himself to work that same night and apparently forgot to request it off."
A few days beforehand he started begging people to switch with him. Nobody wanted to because it was a Saturday night shift.He eventually asked me because I technically wasn’t scheduled that day. I had a pretty full week, (personal stuff) and i didn't really feel like it so i told him i can't cover it.”
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She didn't owe him that shift. She wasn't scheduled. She had her own week, her own reasons, and a completely legitimate right to say no to an unplanned obligation on her day off, without having to justify what her plans were or weren't. "I can't cover it" is a complete sentence. It doesn't require an itemized explanation of how she was planning to spend her Saturday to be valid.
Here's the thing about proposing: it is, by definition, one of the most intentional moments a person can plan. You pick the person, you pick the ring, you pick the setting, you pick the song, and then you make sure you are actually there for it. Detail orientation isn't a bonus feature of a good proposal, it's the whole foundation. If you're going to plan something that meaningful, you secure the logistics first. That's not asking too much. That's just basic follow-through.
Unforeseen things happen. Flights get delayed. Weather changes. Plans fall apart despite everyone doing everything right. That's life and it's genuinely nobody's fault. But this wasn't an unforeseen event. This was a foreseeable, preventable, entirely self-created scheduling conflict that got handed to a coworker to solve at the last minute, and when she didn't solve it, the frustration landed on her instead of where it actually belonged.
The parking lot proposal happened because of his planning. Not her answer.
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"He kept asking and was asking me what plans i have but i didn't (if your wondering why he didn't ask the others one of them was flying and the other one had something specific i don't remember. So Mark had to work. Apparently he tried to rush to the concert after his shift, but by the time he got there the moment he planned was ruined because the band had already played their big final song."
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"He ended up proposing afterward in the parking lot and according to him it “wasn’t special anymore.” After he was a little psasive agressive to me and complained a little that i ruined it. But I feel like forgetting to request off for your own proposal is not my responsibility.
AITA?"
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I can't believe he proposed in the parking lot after the concert lol. Dude, just plan something else a different day
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What make actual effort? Like making sure you're actually free. Instead of having other people responsible for making the moment you want to take advantage of?
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NTA. A parking lot proposal perfectly matches the amount of planning he put into requesting the night off.
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My husband proposed to me in a parking garage.
Did I say husband? I meant ex-husband. That was a very big red flag I ignored and can confirm, it matched his efforts in the marriage.
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NTA. What do they say? I think it goes:
Poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part.
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NTA.
HE decided to propose in the parking lot, not you.
HE forgot to ask for time off for the concert, not you.
HE decided his job was more important than getting to the concert on time, not you.
I'm not surprised that he's trying to blame you, but that's because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his own failure to plan.
Good for you not falling into the trap of having to justify your plans, compared to his.
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I don't see how him proposing in a crowded area with thousands of other people screaming would've gone any better.
And... At any point in time he could've played that song while he proposed.
Sounds like he s*cks, he makes everything else s*ck, then he blames everyone else for it sucking.
NTA
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NTA. He ruined his own proposal. Also why is it specifically your fault when everyone else also refused to cover his shift? If he is going to try blaming someone other than himself that blame shouldn’t all fall to you as you weren’t the only person he asked to cover his shift that said no.
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NTA
He's doing that thing a lot of people do where they plan poorly and them blame the person who couldn't/wouldn't come to their rescue. It's not your fault he planned poorly.
Hopefully he takes this as a lesson in life and planning, but... he probably won't. Unfortunately.
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I see a marriage of missed anniversaries in his future
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NTA. His five-inch grand romantic gesture isn't your responsibility. It would have been no-as*holes-here except for the fact that he tried to argue the point with you as if you had to prove to his satisfaction that you had a good enough reason.
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NTA. If it was that important to him, he would have made sure he had the time off.
Him prying about what your plans were was an attempt to make the classic "my time is more valuable than yours" argument that people like him try to use in order to manipulate people into giving them what they want.
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NTA. He can plan a proposal but not schedule PTO? What a doofus.
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NTA, but y'all must really not like the guy lol
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“my coworker scheduled himself to work during his proposal and blamed it on me”
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NTA. It’s pretty dumb to not keep track of your work schedule and then plan a whole concert proposal without making sure you’re actually off that day.
Nothing was stopping him from planning another proposal on a better time. It’s not your fault he decided to do it in the parking lot. What was so important that it had to happen on that specific date so he couldn’t possibly have thought of anything else?
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NTA. If he couldn't be bothered to request off properly, that's on him.
He could've paid any of you to cover the shift. That's such a normal thing to do in hospitality when it's really important to get a shift covered.
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He scheduled himself to work...no one else offered to swap... In what way was this a you problem? NTA
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NTA his poor planning has nothing to do with you
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NTA. It’s never anyone’s business what you are doing on your time off. Now if he had a true emergency (family member in hospital/ passed away) that would be different.
All he had to do was propose another time - maybe at a nice restaurant.
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NTA
Bad planning on his part. Even without the proposal, who doesn't keep the time free if they are going to a concert.
And let's not forget that he could have executed the proposal on a better moment. Just requires a bit of planning and creating the right circumstances. -
NTA If he gives you any more attitude, tell him "Look, this has got to stop. This was all your fault and you have to stop projecting blame. You messed up. No one else. Everyone else had plans including me and none of us have to justify why we should have had to sacrifice for your mistake. You can be annoyed at yourself, but don't hate on me because I, just like everyone else you asked, couldn't be the one to fix your mistake last minute."
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