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"AITAH for telling my close friend I probably cannot do her destination bachelorette after she announced the location and the cost
"I love this friend. we have been close for seven years. I want to celebrate her. I genuinely mean that."
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“she announced the bachelorette last month. four nights, a city neither of us lives in, the kind of trip where the activities alone are going to run several hundred dollars before flights and accommodation. the maid of honor sent a preliminary budget breakdown and my share comes out to somewhere between fourteen and eighteen hundred dollars depending on how some of the shared costs land.”
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“I am not in a position to spend that right now. I had some unexpected expenses earlier this year that wiped out what I had saved and I am still rebuilding. fourteen hundred dollars is not a rounding error for me at this moment.”
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“I told my friend privately, just her, before I said anything to the group. I said I loved her, I wanted to be there, and I was looking at the numbers and did not think I could make it work at that cost. I asked if there was a way to participate in some parts without the full trip or if she wanted me to step back from the planning group so I was not a complication.”
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"she got quiet. then she said she had really counted on me being there and it felt like I was choosing not to prioritize her. I said I was not choosing anything. I do not have the money."
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"her maid of honor texted me the next day saying the group was disappointed and asked if I could maybe put it on a card and deal with it later. I have been dealing with stuff I put on a card and dealt with later for six months. that is why I am in this position.
"AITAH for telling her early instead of just not showing up?"
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NTA. You did the right thing telling her early and privately. Going into debt for a bachelorette party is wild, and suggesting you put it on a card is honestly terrible advice.
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No this Bridezilla stuff is out of control. Expecting people to fork over tons of money to celebrate the fact that you are getting married is so self absorbed. The parents are probably handling most of the costs, the couple is getting celebrated, they'll be getting tons of gifts... and they still want to guilt their friends if they can't afford to play along with their giant production.
Is SHE going to spend $1800 on your bachelorette? No I can tell you right now that when that day comes along she'll be like "I'm so sorry but we just had a kid and I have to stay home with the kid"... And that'll be after her baby shower which you also spent a bunch of money for.,
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Her reaction means she’s not actually your friend and honestly I would start distancing yourself now. A friend would NEVER suggest to spend money on a credit card you can’t afford for this, they would be understanding and gracious and even apologetic for planning something out your budget. I was once maid of honour for someone like this, friends for over 15 years, don’t speak anymore. And these were the kind of red flags I ignored. You are not the AH but I think it’s time to find some friends that arent AHs
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