Bride demands bridesmaids pay over $2k each for her bachelorette party, calls her sister 'disrespectful' for declining

via Unsplash+ (Blake Cheek)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
Advertisement
AITAH for not wanting to spend ~2k on my sister’s bachelorette cruise and not wanting to “work” her wedding?
I (mid-20s F) am supposed to be a bridesmaid in my sister’s upcoming wedding. She recently shared plans for her bachelorette party, and it’s a cruise over a long weekend.

She found a deal and is really excited about it, and I understand why. But realistically, it would cost me a lot more than the ~$550 she quoted once you factor in flights, hotels, and other expenses. With all expenses factored in, including the drinks package that she claims is mandatory for all guests (I’m sober), the cost comes closer to 2k. This would include the cruise, flights to Miami, hotels, etc. On the cruise itself, the plan is also for 4 people to share one room and bathroom, which would be a lot.

For context, my family isn’t wealthy, and this feels like a luxury expense to me. I have no idea what a bachelorette party is “supposed” to be, nor do I know if her demands are realistic.
via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
Weddings are so expensive. The couple in question probably had to save a bunch of money or rely on family to make it happen. But just because your wedding cost you an arm and a leg doesn't mean that you should pass that burden onto your guests. It's a tough world out there, and we're all trying to save money. We probably don't feel like shelling out for every little thing that comes our way. That's what the sister in this story was feeling, but she knew that it probably wasn't going to end well with the bride. She knew what she was in for.
I work full time, and I’ve worked really hard to save about $6,000 this year because my car has 246k miles on it and will likely need to be replaced soon. On top of that, someone at my work was just laid off, and I only have about a year of funding guaranteed in my position. So financially, this doesn’t feel like a responsible decision for me.

I haven’t told my older sister (the bride) yet, but I did talk to my younger sister about it. She said it would be “disrespectful” not to go and that it could strain my relationship with our sister. She also described the trip as a “once in a lifetime” experience and said that’s why I should go.

The bride (my sister) has also implied that as a bridesmaid, I should be there, and everyone in her bridal party is expected to be there.

There’s also another layer: the wedding venue they plan to book doesn’t have staff, so she said everyone in the bridal party will have tasks to do the day of the wedding (set-up, setting tables, decorations, etc.) My dad even offered to pay me if I’d help, which honestly made me more upset. I don’t want to be working at my sister’s wedding. I want to be there as her sister, not doing event logistics.
via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
Working someone's wedding is a whole lot different than attending it. You don't want to feel like staff at your own sister's wedding, and that's a reasonable feeling. Sure, you might be willing to pitch in here and there to make the day go a little smoother, but not if you're also in the hole financially because of the event. We have different saving priorities, and don't want to blow all of our cash on someone else's celebration. But when the woman in this story wanted to express that, her sister wasn't so willing to hear it. Keep scrolling for the full story.
via Unsplash+ (Valeriia Miller)

_{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}
I feel really torn. I love my sister and want to support her, but I also feel like I’m being asked to spend a large amount of money and take on responsibilities that don’t sit right with me. When I think about saying no, I feel guilty and worried I’ll damage our relationship. But when I think about going, I feel stressed and resentful.
So, AITA if I don’t go on the cruise and push back on being expected to work the wedding?
Also, what are realistic expectations for bridesmaids when it comes to things like bachelorette parties and helping on the wedding day?

EDIT: To clarify the “help on her wedding day” part, a few things:
The venue has no staff. You pay for the space itself, nothing else.
I am absolutely not opposed to helping with her wedding day, but there is a fine line between “helping” and “staff.” As there is no staff, each of her bridesmaids will be assigned a job, including set up, take down, serving/bartending (I’m serious), among other jobs.
-u/Salt-Appointment-222