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    Woman refuses to take a coworker's potluck dish after he hands it to her, assuming she’s the help

    A workplace potluck is supposed to be the low-stakes part of the job, but one coworker managed to turn the simple act of bringing store-bought cheese and crackers into a masterclass in assumptions.

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    • Woman with braided hair using a smartphone while standing outdoors in a park.
      via Krakenimages.com

      Woman checking her smartphone while standing in a green public park on a sunny day.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Walking into a potluck and handing your dish to a coworker you've worked with before, instead of putting it on the table yourself like every other person in the room, is a choice that communicates something, whether it was meant to or not.

    • AITAH for refusing to take a co-workers dish after him assuming i’m the help?

      First I must start off with some context. I (22 F) am a POC in a career field that is predominantly white men.
      via starfish_babe
    • My job has regular potlucks for different holidays throughout the year. This one was the St. Patrick's Day I brought chips and a dip.
      via starfish_babe
    • At the start of the potluck, I brought out my dish with the others on the table. another coworker walks in through the
      via starfish_babe
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    • front door and and says, what I thought was for everyone "here *coworkers name* told me to bring this." I laugh awkwardly and continue to
      via starfish_babe
    • unwrap my dish. I turn and see he's staring directly at me holding something store- bought I look at him and asked "*insert co-worker
      via starfish_babe
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    • name* told you to bring that to me?" he looks at me confused and said something about setting up the potluck honestly, I don't remember exactly what he said.
      via starfish_babe
    • Woman sitting alone in a coffee shop beside a window, looking thoughtful during a quiet moment.
      via Joel Mott

      Woman sitting alone at a cafe table beside a large window in an urban coffee shop.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Workplace potlucks have a pretty simple social contract. You bring something, you find a spot on the table, you put it down. Nobody needs to be directed, nobody needs to be handed anything, the table is right there. The moment someone breaks that contract by looking around a room full of people and deciding one specific person is the logical recipient of their store-bought cheese and crackers, a question gets raised that doesn't have a comfortable answer.

    • I respond with saying, "do you mean *insert receptionist name*?" he still has a blank stare, so I motion him to put it on the table himself he does and walks away.
      via starfish_babe
    • There is a female receptionist, maybe he got us confused? But we look nothing alike... she is not a POC. I even
      via starfish_babe
    • worked with him on a couple of tasks. He knows I am not one of the receptionist and I do not set up for the parties.
      via starfish_babe
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    • I just felt like it was a bit misogynistic because there were women setting up for the party but whoever brought their own dish men,
      via starfish_babe

    • The gender dimension is already interesting on its own. Men and women both brought dishes, and men and women both put their dishes on the table themselves. Somehow this particular dish needed to be handed off, and somehow the person it got handed to was a woman. That's a pattern worth noticing even before anything else gets layered on top of it.

    • women, etc they put it on the table themselves. I just don't understand why he expected me to put his things down. it's not that serious, but I thought it was a bit peculiar.
      via starfish_babe
    • AITAH for not taking his platter and putting it down? I know the title might be a bit extreme but as a black women in this field that's what it felt like.
      via starfish_babe
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    • The having worked together on actual tasks detail is what makes the confusion argument hard to sustain. This wasn't a stranger making a snap judgment in an unfamiliar environment. It was someone who had professional context, who had interacted with her in a work capacity, defaulting to an assumption that she was there to handle logistics rather than participate. That kind of assumption tends to run on autopilot, which is partly what makes it so frustrating. It doesn't require bad intentions to land badly.

    • EDIT: Some people are confused in the comments, I will say no harm for defending him but here is some more context.
      via starfish_babe

    • Not taking the dish and redirecting him to the table was a completely proportionate response. Nobody made a scene, nothing escalated, he put it down and walked away. The interaction was small and the response was small.

    • It was a store bought item (cheese and crackers)!! After he announced that he brought something he was handing it to me. There was
      via starfish_babe

    • What isn't small is noticing a pattern and being able to name it clearly. Being the only person in a room who gets treated like the help, in a field where you're already in the minority, is not a paranoid read of the situation. It's just paying attention.

    • another one of its kind already in the table along with an empty space near it. That was the perfect place to put it to me right?
      via starfish_babe
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    • No harm to him I just wish that he took a second to look around and figure out what to do instead of assuming and immediately handing it off.
      via starfish_babe
    • Professional_Hair995 I don't understand what he wanted? Like dude just put it down...
      via starfish_babe
    • Wakemeup3000 NTA. Dude can put his food on the table all by himself like a big boy.
      via starfish_babe
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    • Cute-Asparagus-305 No-he's a moron. It might not even be because you're a POC but because you're a young woman. But whatever his reasoning-you were fine not to help him.
      via starfish_babe
    • Worth-Park-1612 NTA. The saddest thing about this post is you're asking if you're the AH when you should be proud of yourself. It also reminds me of an experiment a woman did where she
      via starfish_babe
    • didn't change course every time she was walking in public and was about to collide with a man. She bumped into dozens of men. They, and she, didn't know it, but it's automatic that the woman moves. This s 't, *ALL* of this s. t, needs to stop. This isn't
      via starfish_babe
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    • Thanksgiving, where he gets to play with himself all day while the womenfolk prepare the meal. This is work, where you both brought a dish and he assumed the women were setting up.
      via starfish_babe

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