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    26-year-old boyfriend who earns considerably more than his 24-year-old girlfriend grows wary of her increasing demands for his money: 'I earn $95k working in corporate finance'

    She's looking for a man in finance, and he's just trying to save his money. What's mine is yours, and yours is mine... right?

    When you're in a healthy relationship, there's this camaraderie and team dynamic, you both are working towards the same thing, and share the highs and the lows together. But what is shared in a relationship doesn't happen over time. You don't just go on one dinner date and suddenly have an entitlement to half of their earnings. Maybe they pick up the bill, but even then… Where does being accommodating end and obligation begin?

    Where the growth of the relationship, the closeness, and the time spent in it lead to a closer bond and common goals. Issues with fiscal responsibility and a lack of common goals will unravel things just as quickly as they were built.

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    • 01

      AITAH for telling my girlfriend that my money isn't "our money"?

      I've been dating my gf for over 2 years. I earn $95k working in corporate finance and she's a final year law student working part time earning around $40k I think. I'm not a baller obviously but I live with my parents and have minimal expenses, live frugally so I save a big chuck of my income. She on the other hand, is really bad with money. She doesn't or g ing and it away on d stuff but she'll buy expensive gifts for her friends or me, she'll treat people a lot to food, drinks, ubers and stuff
      via Open_Address_2805

      Image is representative, not actual subjects.c

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    • 02
      Cheezburger Image 10628502528
      via Kateryna Hliznitsova

      Image is representative, not actual subjects.

    • It can, of course, also get tricky when there is a great disparity in the amount earned by each person in the relationship. The one who earns more typically will tend to have a much greater appetite for eating out and have their sights set on big vacations, whereas the one earning less just wants to save and make it through their most immediate future. This can, of course, go the other direction, where the person earning less feels entitled to either spend the other person's money or have it spent on them, in their mind bridging the gap and averaging the income to be closer to one another, because we're a team, right?

      Especially in early stages of the relationship when there are no kids, and no mortgage, and even before you're living together, assumptions or too much pressure in either direction, to spend or be spent on, becomes a bold assumption. And the more the behavior becomes a habit, the more presumption occurs. And either party can become increasingly uncomfortable before seeking to end the whole thing altogether. Of course, like always, the answer really is to have open and honest conversations and to seek to reach a common understanding where, from there, you can branch out and be a team.

      But if people were any good at that, I wouldn't be here writing these posts, and you wouldn't be reading them.

      This 26-year-old boyfriend, who earns a considerably higher income than his 24-year-old girlfriend, prefers to save and invest his money rather than spend it freely. His girlfriend has a more generous, "live in the moment" approach, often spends on gifts, outings, and treating friends. The employee becomes concerned about her financial habits and insists that his money is not to be shared. This leads to developing tensions, as she accuses him of being stingy and overly focused on saving instead of enjoying life, escalating into a broader conflict about values and responsibility.

      This is a pretty typical conversation to see in this age range, where developing maturity and different paths lead to wildly different opinions on what is important for now and for the future.

    • 03
      That's all nice things to do obviously, within reason. You have to think about yourself and your own finances too. She's a very giving and selfless person and has this "it's just money, I'll make more, it's all about the memories" attitude but, you need money. You have to be smart and responsible with it which I've told her but she seems to think I'm just being 'cheap' and not 'living in the moment'. She says dumb things like "what good is your stock portfolio/savings if you di tmr" etc.
      via Open_Address_2805
    • 04
      She was complaining yesterday about how she barely has any savings and I was like no sh! Of course you don't have any savings! How would you? You're literally spending every dollar you get, how would anyone save doing that? Then she said well it's not the end of the world if I run out because you've got some, right? I don't want to use your money but if I don't have any, you've got enough for the both of us, don't you?
      via Open_Address_2805
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    • 05
      I said woah okay, I don't have money for us. I have money for me. Granted, I'll spend my money on you like I'll pick up every 2 or 3 dinners for every one that you get, I'll buy us more snacks and pay for more dates etc. Because I earn more, I'll pay more proportionally but this isn't our money. It's my money and you can't expect to basically use my money because you can't handle your own money.
      via Open_Address_2805
    • 06
      I told her that financial incompatibility is the biggest reason for divorce and currently, we are financially incompatible and this needs to be fixed if we want to have a good relationship. I'm very good with my money but I'm not 'cheap'. I spend it and have fun but do it in a smart way that doesn't leave me broke. You need to start being smart with your money and stop seeing my money as yours.
      via Open_Address_2805
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    • 07
      She got really mad and started calling me a selfish a hle and all this nonsense but I'm just speaking facts here. If she views my money as also hers, that is basically going to enable her to continue her money away and rely on me to be her personal ATM. Edit: She is also living at home with her parents, pays no bills/rent or living expenses. I'm 26 years old 2 years out of uni, she's 24.
      via Open_Address_2805
    • 08
      ON
      via Brooke Balentine

      Image is representative, not actual subjects.

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    • EclecticEvergreen

      She’s a live-in-the-moment person, and you’re a live-in-the-future person; you’re incompatible people with different perspectives on life. You should be breaking things off to find more compatible partners because this is not sustainable longterm. NTA.

    • 09
      A young couple during a night out
      via Brooke Balentine

      Image is representative, not actual subjects.

    • Independent-Moose113

      NTA. Your girl wouldn't blow all her money if she didn't think you were her safety net. Good thing you set her straight. I realize she's going to be a lawyer someday, but bad money habits don't go away with increased income. They just become more extravagant. 

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