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    Couple announces engagement during her parents' 60th anniversary trip and gets stonewalled for 14 months: 'You had to one-up mom and dad on their special week'

    A quiet proposal, a round of celebration, and 14 months of silence they never deserved.

    A man proposed to his girlfriend of five years on a beach in Maui, privately, just the two of them, humpback whales breaching in the background. She said yes. Later that day she asked her mom if they should share the news with the family. Mom smiled. That night, over champagne and charcuterie in her parents' condo, surrounded by everyone they love, they announced their engagement. The night went beautifully. 

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    • 01
      Man on one knee proposing to a woman wearing a red dress at the beach with a big cliff behind them.
      via Nele Viaene

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 02
      I (M57) and my bride (F53) met 5 years ago and have talked about "someday" getting married for awhile. We are both well employed, long done with previous marriages,
      via HistorianSafe6506

    • Then fourteen months of silence.

      Here's the honest take: could they have waited? Maybe. If they had any reason to believe the family might take it personally, a conversation beforehand, or choosing a different moment, might have avoided all of this. That's worth acknowledging. Timing matters, especially during milestone celebrations, and it's fair to be thoughtful about it.

      But here's what actually happened. He didn't propose at the anniversary dinner. He didn't stand up mid-toast and redirect the spotlight. He took her away privately, proposed on a beach, and then, at her initiative, with her family's implicit blessing, shared the news in the most natural, low-key way possible. He bought champagne. They told everyone together. Her mom already knew and was smiling. The night was described as beautiful by everyone present.

      That is not stealing a moment. That is sharing one.

      The reaction that followed is where this gets hard to defend. Stonewalling for fourteen months. Skipping the wedding. Leaving the reception after a few hours. Excluding them from Christmas dinner without a word. Whatever the initial feeling was, and feelings are valid, even complicated ones, the response was so disproportionate to what actually happened that it stopped being about the proposal a long time ago.

    • 03
      and all of our kids are off in college. We've been living together for a couple years. She's amazing, and I have a better life because she's in it. She feels the same.
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 04
      Her family has an annual get together, usually camping related but last year it was in Maui. Her mom and dad, her two brothers, and everyone's spouses. Eight of us in all, there in a couple condos for a week.
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 05
      A big family family wearing swimsuits at the beach with cleat turquoise water.
      via Andrew Valdivia

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • 06
      Her mom and dad were celebrating their 50th 60th anniversary that year,
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 07
      and they wanted all the kids around as they celebrated their life together. So instead of camping in June, beachside condos on Maui in Feb. very nice....
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 08
      Anyway, I'd been planning to propose for some time. Already had a ring picked out. 4 days into the trip, two nights left, I arranged for the two of us to have some time away. We had a
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 09
      great lunch, then during a stroll on the beach, with humpback whales breaching just off shore, I dropped to one knee and proposed. She said yes! (Loved the ring, too. Whew!)
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 10
      An engagement silver ring in a tiny blue box.
      via Korie Cull

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • 11
      I asked if she wanted to keep the engagement private, or if we should tell them. I was fine either way but it's her family, so.... A
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 12
      little later we met up with her mom to give her a ride somewhere. Stopped at a restaurant, I bought a round of wines for the table. My bride shared the news, and her mom was all smiles.
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 13
      That night there was a family snack (charcuterie, wine, snacks, leftovers) planned in her parents' condo. I bought some
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 14
      champagne, and together we told her family of our engagement. The night, and went on beautifully. Bride was delighted to be surrounded by family on the occasion.
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 15
      A charcuterie board placed in a well set table with wine, cheese and snacks.
      via Curated Lifestyle

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • 16
      Then things got weird. One brother started ghosting us. Mom got distant. We got married in October last year, bride is now wife, but her family
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 17
      stayed only for a few hours. At the reception her older brother barely spoke to us. Then a family Christmas dinner we weren't invited to, found out as it was happening.
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 18
      No responses to usual family texts, no returned phone calls.
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 19
      Upset woman with her hands in her hand wearing a grey sweater.
      via engin akyurt

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • 20
      Yesterday wife found out, her whole family feels some version of "how could you be sow low?" or "you had to one upped mom mom and dad on their special week". These
      via HistorianSafe6506
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    • 21
      past 14 months, they've been stonewalling wife as a result. Driving her away.
      via HistorianSafe6506
    • 22
      Wife and I are dumbfounded. Was there some unwritten rule we broke, sharing our engagement during the "family week"? Bad enough to drive a wedge into family dynamics?
      via HistorianSafe6506

    • Here's what fourteen months of silence actually costs: the relationship itself. Not just with him, but with their own daughter. A conversation in the early days, even an uncomfortable one, would have been infinitely kinder than a year and a half of exclusion. Feelings could have been heard. Explanations could have been given. Repair could have happened.

      Instead, the people who deserved a front row seat at that wedding barely showed up.

      Disagreements happen in families. Hurt feelings happen. But the silent treatment is never the answer, and it's especially not the answer at someone's wedding. They deserved better than that. So did she.

    • 23
      Bride wearing a white dress throwing a bouquet of flowers at her wedding with husband by her side.
      via Curated Lifestyle

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 24
      zgrssd This get-together was a serious piece of work to plan and organize for everyone involved. Announcing your engagement during a big thing like this can easily be interpreted as "trying to steal the show".
      via Zgrssd
    • 25
      moondweller44 Oh come on. You know they're not mad about "family week", you know they're mad that it was their 50th anniversary celebration. Don't try to twist it.
      via moondweller44
    • 26
      ChickenScratchCoffeen YTA. Common sense that the week was to celebrate their 50th. You don't bring your own celebration into someone else's. It's ride and tacky. However, they should have just said that instead of ghosting or not inviting to Christmas.
      via ChickenScratchCoffen
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    • 27
      AwkwardSpicy77 Yes, you broke an unwritten rule. You shouldn't use someone else's occasion as your occasion. That being said, I don't know anyone who would be upset about this if it went down exactly as you described it. They should
      via AwkwardSpicy77
    • 28
      Fit_Faithlessness157 There must be something else at play here, or this is an overreaction.
      via Fit_Faithlessness157
    • 29
      Turbulent_Guest402 ESH you don't propose at someone else's anniversary or you keep it to yourself, at least. But if you have a complain, you discuss it like the adults you're supposed to be, you don't wait 14 months because that breaks a family
      via Turbulent_Guest402
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    • 30
      HnevitableWaste6088 I think they are being a bit dramatic, but you are too old to be this dumb.
      via HnevitableWaste6088
    • 31
      IOld_Blue_Haired_Lady ESH You had 51 other weeks to propose this year. This is like proposing or announcing a pregnancy at someone else's wedding. Rode. The in-laws' extreme
      via Old_Blue_Haired_Lady
    • 32
      SeaWitch4639 I kind of disagree with everybody here, it was a low-key engagement and he asked her if she wanted to share the news with her family. Which sounds like that was her decision and they really didn't even need to tell them. So it wouldn't
      via SeaWitch4639
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    • 33
      Necessary_Dark_672020 They're taking it too far but it's never a good look to propose at an event someone else planned and paid for. ESH
      via Necessary_Dark_6720
    • 34
      Consuela_no_no. It wasn't just family week, it was their 50th anniversary celebration. You guys made it about yourself but they are ridiculous for not addressing this like adults and for ostracising you. ESH.
      via Consuela_no_no
    • 35
      BadgerNo4726 ESH. You for proposing at someone else's event they funded, wifey for wanting to tell her family right away and steal their thunder when you could've waited no problem, and In Laws for acting like children and ghosting you instead of using their big kid words to
      via BadgerNo4726

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