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    Conflicted mom of a 6-month-old plans essential work trips after handling all night care, but husband refuses to take over and says she shouldn’t travel at all: ‘He thinks it’s unfair’

    When "teamwork" suddenly means one person never leaves the house.

    The conflict started with two upcoming work trips that the mom says are important for her career. After months of barely traveling and being the primary caregiver at night, she felt it was reasonable to take them. She even arranged daytime childcare well in advance, making sure the baby would be cared for during the day while she was away.

    But the issue quickly shifted to what happens after dark. Their six-month-old still wakes multiple times a night, and until now, she has been the one handling every single wake-up. While her partner helps occasionally, the responsibility has largely fallen on her, night after night, with almost no breaks since the baby was born.

    Her partner, however, is not on board. He argues that it is unfair for him to suddenly take over both kids overnight, especially with the baby's sleep schedule. He feels she should not be traveling at all during the baby's first year, framing the trips as her leaving him to deal with everything alone.

    Now the situation feels less about logistics and more about expectations. She sees it as finally getting a break and maintaining her career, while he sees it as being left with responsibilities he is not used to handling. The tension is building, and neither side seems ready to back down, leaving the question of fairness wide open.

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    • A tired mom sits on the bed holding her baby, looking overwhelmed as she balances caregiving and daily responsibilities.
      via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • I (39F) and my partner (37M) have a 6- month-old baby together, and he also has a 9-year-old son who lives with us and who I help parent.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • I now have two upcoming work trips: one for 3 nights/4 days and one for 8 nights/9 days. I can sometimes turn down work travel, but these trips are important for my career.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • For additional context, since I was 6 months pregnant, I haven't traveled at all except for one overnight alone. I also don't have any other work trips without the baby planned until at least after the baby's first birthday.
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • After months of putting travel on hold and focusing on family life, these upcoming trips feel like a rare and important opportunity for her to prioritize her career, making the decision far more complicated than it might seem at first glance.

    • My partner is upset and says it's unfair that I'm leaving him with both kids. He feels like I'm abandoning him, especially because our baby is still young and not sleeping through the night.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • I arranged daytime childcare while I'm gone. His parents agreed months ago to watch the baby from about 8am– 7pm each day. I also offered to pay for additional childcare, but they declined and said they were happy to help.
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • The main issue is nighttime care. Our baby still wakes up 3-4 times a night for feedings. Since the baby was born, I have been exclusively responsible for nighttime care and I've only taken one night off total since he was born. My partner occasionally helps by getting a bottle or changing a diaper, but then he goes back to sleep and I remain responsible for the rest of the night.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • During the day, he usually takes a morning shift with the baby so I can sleep or get things done, but if he has work, I cover both night and day.
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • I feel like, since I arranged daytime childcare, have handled the overnight care until now, and regularly cover his baby-shifts when he needs to work it's reasonable for me to take these work trips, especially since they matter for my career.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • He feels I shouldn't travel at all during the first year of our baby's life and that it's unfair to leave him responsible for overnight care while I'm gone. AITA?
      via DeepSpace-69
    • A peaceful moment as a mother gently holds her baby close, bathed in soft natural light.
      via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Now that the situation has been shared online, people are weighing in from all angles. Some sympathize with the exhaustion on both sides, while others question the expectations around parenting and work. The comments quickly turn into a debate about fairness, support, and what partnership really looks like in practice.

    • Dittoheadforever You're NTA He feels I shouldn't travel at all during the first year of our baby's life and that it's unfair to leave him responsible for overnight care while I'm gone. Bless his heart. You do it all even when he is there.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • Quick_Ad630 Info: if husband were the one being offered these work trips, would he be equally offended at "how unfair" it is that his employer is asking you to stay home alone with both kids? NTA, and your husband can grow a pair. Signed, a mom who worked overnights immediately post mat leave and her husband dealt with LO on his own just fine
      via DeepSpace-69
    • rat-bastard69 NTA, he is pushing all of the parenting onto you. Did he ever consider is was unfair to you to leave nighttime duty solely on you?
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • ConflictGullible392 NTA. It's ok for you to be solely responsible for overnight care 354 nights a year but it's not OK for him to be responsible for it for these short trips, which it's not like you're taking for pleasure?
      via DeepSpace-69
    • neoncactusfields You've been doing all the nights practically alone. Forget a work trip, you deserve a whole vacation by yourself Your husband is being selfish, and he needs to step up and stop whining. ΝΤΑ
      via DeepSpace-69
    • r0s3g1rl nta. so let me get this straight... you've done pretty much every single night wake up since the baby was born, you arranged daycare, his own parents are helping, and he's mad about handling a few nights alone???
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • bampeanutbutternjam NTA - he is a parent, just as you are. You've made arrangements for daytime care and your partner can't checks notes put in time for night shift for a few days?! good grief
      via DeepSpace-69
    • Sea_Roof3637 - NTA sounds like your coparent needs to parent his own children. The horror.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • mickbogart Sounds like you have two babies
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • A working mom multitasks with her baby in one arm while reviewing documents at her desk.
      via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • HowlPen NTA and this would be a good time to revisit the division of duty. He should know how to take care of his own child at night.
      via DeepSpace-69
    • Gloomy_Tie_1997 NTA but he sure is. Assuming you're not breastfeeding, he needs to be helping at night when you're home, too.
      via DeepSpace-69
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    • Autumn_Falls0131 Wow, so unfair! He has to look after his own child for a handful of nights. But somehow it's not unfair that you not only do that but day and night care for a whole year? I just can't even...no words suffice.
      via DeepSpace-69

    • In the end, this situation highlights how quickly imbalance can build when responsibilities are not shared equally. What feels like a reasonable step for one person can feel overwhelming for the other. Finding a middle ground will likely come down to honest communication, shared effort, and a clearer understanding of what partnership should actually look like day to day.

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    baby working mom wife parenting husband work trips entitled people
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