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“AITA for ruining my daughter in laws birth plan”
"I need some opinions on this situation.
My son and DIL are staying with me at the moment. Their house is being fixed due to a flooding issue that happened about a week ago. A fire hydrant broke and flooded the houses near it. Due to this there home needs some of the floors replaced, and it is not safe for them to be there while contractors deal with the damage."
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"My DIL is supposed to give birth to her first kid at the beginning of next month, and their home will not be fixed in time. They have been staying with me and set up a little nursery in the guest bedroom.
My home is not big. I downsized years ago, so I live in a 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom home. I learned this weekend that she was planning on having a water home birth and a midwife during it. I thought she was going to the hospital, but that apparently wasn't the plan."
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"She plans to have the kid in a basically a blown up pool that goes in the house. The only two places it will fit are the living room or if I move my bed in the master bedroom.
I thought about it, and I am not comfortable with that happening in my home. I told her this today, and she was pi**ed.
We got into an argument, and she is mad that I ruined her birth plan. My son wants me to apologize and have it here. Again, I am against it. I don't want her giving birth in my living room."
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When living in someone else's home, you have to adapt to the household dynamics set by the owner. But beyond that, respecting the space you are being offered is as important as feeling supported during a major life event. The daughter-in-law's desire for a specific birth experience is valid, but it cannot override the homeowner's consent.
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Feeling uncomfortable with that request doesn't necessarily mean the mother-in-law is unsupportive. Hosting a water birth, with all the risks and logistics it involves, is a huge responsibility. And it isn't easy, because it's not just a family moment. It means opening your home to a major medical event, with a level of responsibility that goes far beyond offering a place to stay, and with real health and safety considerations. And she's not refusing medical care or emotional support; she is setting a limit inside her own living space.
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Just picture an inflatable pool taking up most of your small living room. For many people, that could feel overwhelming, intrusive, and stressful. There should be other places where the mom-to-be could have her water birth the way she wants. That's not the mother-in-law's responsibility. Women often feel extremely vulnerable in these birth situations, so it's easy to take things personally, but the daughter-in-law should realize she needs to respect her partner's mother's place.
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epi_introvert
"Also, there's is a strong possibility that OPs floors are not weight rated for a birthing pool. The only way to know for sure is to have an engineering assessment done.
What if the pool leaks? Is OPs insurance still going to cover it?
I was a trained doula (still trained but not practicing). This can go very badly in many different ways.
OPs house, OPs rules."
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bornbylightning
“It’s not that OP is against waterbirth. Just not in her bedroom or living room. I can understand why she’d prefer they utilize a birthing center.”
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BigSkyUser_40k
"NTA, it is your property and home.Also, it would be good for your DIL to note that her birth plan was not ruined by you, rather by whomever failed to maintain the fire hydrant and forced them out of their home."
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TheSussyWaffle
“They cant have a home birth because the water broke, ironic.”
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