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    College friend plans DC trip for group, gets treated like a third wheel and iced out after setting boundaries: ‘They’ve been hanging out without me’

    "I wasn't even mad, I just asked for basic boundaries… and somehow I'm the one who got cut off"

    Planning a group trip sounds fun in theory, but the moment a couple dynamic enters the chat, things can go from "cute itinerary" to "why am I the third wheel in my own plan?" real fast. You've got one person who actually organized everything, checked in, made reservations in their head like a responsible human… and then the others show up four hours late like it's a casual suggestion. At that point, it's not even about the schedule anymore: it's about the audacity. And somehow, you're expected to just roll with it as if nothing happened.

    And then comes the classic twist: you calmly communicate like an adult, set very reasonable boundaries, and suddenly you're the problem. Not the lateness, not the couple taking over every plan, not the last-minute changes… no, no. The real issue is that you dared to say something. Next thing you know, you're being soft-launched out of the friend group, watching them hang out without you, like you imagined the whole thing. Honestly, it's less "AITA" and more "congrats, you discovered who respects your time and who doesn't." Painful? A little. Clarifying? Absolutely.

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    • Three friends in a car using a map, smiling and planning their road trip adventure
      via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

      Three friends in a car using a map, smiling and planning their road trip adventure

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    • I'm in college and became friends with two girls, Rachel and Kat. Rachel has a boyfriend, Peter, and they tend to act like a unit. I planned a DC trip for us and spent hours making an itinerary, checking with them beforehand. Kat contributed, and Rachel said she was fine with anything.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • During the trip, things didn't go as planned. They were 4 hours late because Rachel and Peter were "play fighting," and when we finally went out, Rachel suddenly didn't want the food we had planned. The day felt unorganized and frustrating, especially since I had put in a lot of effort.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • Later, Rachel told Peter to take me home early, and Kat also changed plans and didn't stay at my place like originally planned. They all went back together without me, which upset me since I felt like my effort wasn't respected.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • At that point, it stopped feeling like a group trip and started feeling like you were just… there. You put in the time, the planning, the effort, and somehow ended up as the extra in your own itinerary. Between the last-minute changes, the couple taking over the vibe, and being sent home early like an afterthought, it’s hard not to feel a little sidelined. It’s not even about everything going perfectly, it’s about feeling like your time and effort actually mattered, and in this case, it really didn’t seem like it did.

       

    • Afterward, Kat told me privately she also felt like a third wheel around Rachel and Peter. When Rachel later mentioned planning a NYC trip, I calmly told her I wasn't mad but wanted boundaries going forward, like separating couple time and better communication so the same issues wouldn't happen again.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • After that, Rachel stopped initiating conversation with me. Kat also became distant. They've been hanging out without me and didn't invite me to things. I even asked Kat to hang out one day and she said no, but then posted herself with mutual friends doing the same activity the next day.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • I was recently removed from a group chat for a future NYC trip that I had originally been added to before I brought up my concerns. Now I feel like I'm being excluded instead of them communicating with me. I didn't think I was wrong for bringing up what happened and setting boundaries, especially since Kat had the same issues privately.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • cat-lover76 You are NTA for expressing your feelings. But there are friendships that last a lifetime, and friendships that last a season, and it sounds as though this friendship has run its course.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • mg_f05 NTA. If that's how they act after you politely express your feelings and set boundaries, it's time to get some new friends girl! Removing you from the gc over that is wild!
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • Group of friends laughing and enjoying a sunny road trip together in a car
      via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

      Group of friends laughing and enjoying a sunny road trip together in a car

    • RocketteP They don't sound like they're actually your friends. You're NTA for telling them how you felt as it sounds incredibly frustrating to deal with. You can talk to them about how you're feeling but I don't expect there would be a productive response if this is how they're acting.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • SuburbanDemographic NTA but take this as them telling you they don't want to spend time with you if you're going to have a backbone. (Something you should have.) They've made it clear what kind of people they are. Believe them. Seek out people who are going to engage with you in being friends with you.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • RafaelSirah NTA I think you need to accept that some people have much different travel styles though. What's unorganized to you might be spontaneous and fun for another person who doesn't like a rigid itinerary. Cutting you off for this doesn't make sense though.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • verminiusrex NTA, but why would you want to travel with these people? They sound like a night mare to deal with.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • pizza-lovah NTA. You planned everything and they didn't respect your time at all. Setting boundaries after that is completely reasonable.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • Electrical_Emu8386 NAH y'all have way different travel styles.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • keesouth I'm not sure about a judgment here. It sounds like you all don't travel the same way. Some people don't like an itenerary, or they like a loose itenerary.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • hmartin430 It's important to remember that boundaries are not limits on the behaviors of others. It's about your actions. It would be something like, "I'm going to stick to the itinerary, even if that means leaving you behind." Or "we made reservations at this restaurant, if you change your mind, you can figure out your own meal."
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • Thoughtful young woman sitting by train tracks, looking pensive and distant
      via Unsplash+ (via Kyle Broad)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

      Thoughtful young woman sitting by train tracks, looking pensive and distant

    • BigBirdsBrain NTA. You weren't wrong for speaking up after putting in real effort, they just didn't like being held accountable and chose distance instead of communication.
      via ScaredPersimmon
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    • urban_r00ts ΝΤΑ, But they also are NTA, fir choosing to not hang with you when they dont like your boundaries.
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • Stopdraggingmyheart Forget about them. Its obvious the relationship has an expiration date and it's already past. Its ok. They are just not your people. Thank them and move on. You need to find new people. Better far better people!
      via ScaredPersimmon
    • OkQuantity6782 NTA - but I feel like there's more to it Friends for a season Friends for a reason Have you figured where they fall yet?
      via ScaredPersimmon

    • In the end, it’s less about the trip and more about what it revealed. When the effort isn’t matched and communication falls apart, things start to feel one-sided pretty quickly. It’s a tough realization, but also a useful one. Sometimes a messy situation just shows you where you stand, and who’s actually willing to meet you halfway.

       

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