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    22-year-old bride and friend clash over money, even after the bride offers to pay for all 3 of the friend's children's flights to the wedding and childcare during the ceremony, but refuses to pay her the cost of childcare for the entire week

    The combination of kids and weddings is one of those debates that has raged endlessly. Usually, this boils down to a pretty simple answer: It's the bride and groom's wedding, and they should be able to celebrate how they want. 

    Some couples dream of having an elegant, precise, and adult-only affair where the ceremony and speeches can go uninterrupted and the reception doesn't become a playground. For these couples, that probably means that they don't want kids, and the possible disruptive and unpredictable element that they represent, to be present.

    However, if the bride and groom decide they don't want kids present and are willing to have parents who are unable to find alternative child care possibly not attend, that is also their choice, no matter how brutal that may seem. This doesn't stop the arguments and the conflict that arise when family members and friends are struggling to find child care because, well, all their usual babysitters are going to the event too.

    Availability and finding child care aside, there is also the cost of child care to consider if you're seeking to attend a wedding where the kids are not invited.

    It's no secret that weddings are a costly affair, especially for the bride and groom, but for everyone involved (a wedding… in this economy?) That's even if the wedding is being held locally where the majority of guests will be able to attend without booking flights and accomodation. 

    But what if the bride and groom are willing to pay not only for the childcare during the event, but are also willing to pay to fly your kids to the event as well? Surely then there would be no cause to complain.

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    • 01
      A family at a beach wedding
      via Curated Lifestyle

      The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 02

      AITA for not paying my friend to have money for a babysitter to come to our wedding?

      1 (F22) am getting married to my husband (M23) in three months. We have a wedding planned relatively close by our family and friends. But my friend, I will call her Alyssa (F24) moved to the other side of the country to live with her husband, I will call him, Mike (M26) they have three kids (M4) (F3) (M1). We are relatively good off moneywise so we have paid for everything ourselves.
      via weddingbabysitter
    • 03
      A bride and groom at a destination wedding
      via Curated Lifestyle

      The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • The alternatives here are “destination weddings,” where the bride and groom decide that all of their family and friends should pay for flights to and accommodation at expensive tourist destinations for their dream wedding.

      I, frankly, don't understand how these ever caught on and who could afford to attend these weddings, but maybe I'm just thinking in the wrong tax bracket.

      It's not uncommon for families to pitch in for part, or all, of the cost of the wedding, as this couple's family did. It may have even been the norm at some point until some point in recent history. In this case, this couple was fortunate enough to have had a family “gift” that also allowed them to cover the costs of some of their family's attendance.

      But when part of the wedding is paid for, and some of the guests' costs are covered, an invitation can turn into a negotiation. Who pays for what? How much is reasonable to expect? And where is the line in the sand where guests are “close” enough to qualify to have their costs covered?

      There's a line in the sand there somewhere, but it's not immediately clear where it should be, and it became a difficult topic of conversation for these friends when the friend sought to have the bride cover the cost of child care for her young children. It's actually even more complicated than that, as the bride actually offered to cover the costs of the children's flights and childcare on the day of the wedding itself, stopping short only at a refusal to fund an entire week's worth of child care. 

      There's definitely something to be said here about gift horses and looking in their mouth, if I was the friend I would have been overjoyed at the chance to bring my entire family along and still be rid of the kids on the night of the affair. But, hey, some people are never happy.

    • 04
      A family at a beach wedding
      via Getty Images For Unsplash+

      The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 05
      We both come from big families so there will be a lot of kids and the wedding won't be child free or under any age restrictions there will be a lot of kids under the age of five.
      via weddingbabysitter
    • 06
      We also got a gift in form of money from family. We are willing to pay family and friends who live further away to come to our wedding. So they won't have to worry about spending money to come to our wedding.
      via weddingbabysitter
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    • 07
      Other friends and family we have offered this to have accepted this because otherwise they wouldn't have been able to come. But my friend Alyssa isn't willing to have her kids come to the wedding with her and Mike. We have repeatedly said that we were also willing to pay the kids
      via weddingbabysitter
    • 08
      airplane tickets because we love the kids. But we aren't willing to pay for childcare because other friends and family have arranged childcare themselves because they weren't willing to have the kids with them at the wedding (child free night ) and we aren't in the position to pay for everyone. so we want to keep it fair.
      via weddingbabysitter
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    • 09
      And she is the demanding we pay for childcare for the entire week (because that is how long we have this whole thing planned) we were willing to pay for childcare for the wedding itself, but not for the entire week that they had wanted to come over. And now she's blowing up my phone saying i am not a good friend because friends are willing to give everything to each other.
      via weddingbabysitter
    • 10

      Is the bride wrong for not offering to pay for the ENTIRE cost of childcare?

      So AITA not willing to pay for my friend's childcare so she can come to our wedding child free?
      via weddingbabysitter

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    Tags

    friendship drama navigating relationships drama best friends wedding drama friends relationships friendship issues wedding weddings
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