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    Mother-in-law steals back gift she bought with grandson's money, husband protests at not leaving her unsupervised in family home: 'This is a serious boundary issue'

    Should somebody have free rein over their belongings just because they gave them to you?

    For something that is supposed to be a nice gesture, gift giving can be a practice that comes with a lot of strings attached. Some do it to send a message, or conveniently turn something that was supposed to be a present into a loan. Not everybody gives out gifts simply because it is a nice gesture.

    This can be particularly annoying when family members display these kinds of behaviors. More often than not, it is representative of a larger pattern of entitlement that they use to annoy you, or even truly make your life miserable. A simple gift can say a lot about how they feel, and the lore around it even more so.

    Most people would agree that once you give someone a present, you are likely not going to be taking it back. This isn't what everybody thinks, though, and some individuals believe that they are allowed to engage in this unorthodox practice just because they are family. When it was something that was technically theirs in the first place, it can feel difficult to establish a boundary. It has to be done nonetheless.

     

     

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    • In this story, a woman was flabbergasted when her mother-in-law decided to take back a household item that she had gifted them using money her son had given her to buy gifts with her grandsons. Initially unsure of why it went missing, the woman eventually texted her husband's mom and learned that she had taken it back because she didn't think it was getting enough use.

      This was just the latest in a series of incidents where the mother-in-law had disrespected the boundaries of their family home, rearranging things and opening mail without asking. The woman told her husband she should not be left in the house unsupervised anymore, but he thought she was overreacting. 

    • Am I wrong for asking my husband to tell his mother she's no longer allowed in our house unsupervised?

      My mother-in-law has a long history of crossing boundaries in my home. Examples include opening my mail/packages when I'm not there, rearranging my garage without asking, and moving around my makeup, skincare, and kitchen items while she's
      via Much-Clothes-7999
    • visiting. She usually does these things when I'm not home. For context, this is not something my own parents do, and we've never set an expectation that family members can just do whatever they want in our house.
      via Much-Clothes-7999
    • Last Christmas, my husband gave her money to take our two young sons shopping so they could pick out gifts for us. She helped my youngest son choose a dish drying rack/drying mat for me. So while she was involved in picking it out,
      via Much-Clothes-7999
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    • it was paid for with my husband's money and given to me as a gift from my son. (For comparison, the actual gift she personally gave me was an old bag of potpourri and a ChapStick.)
      via Much-Clothes-7999
    • Recently, she was at our house watching the kids while I was at work and my husband was out. When I got home, I noticed things in the pantry had been moved. Then I realized the dish drying rack/mat was gone. I had seen it earlier that day, so I knew it had been there.
      via Much-Clothes-7999
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    • I asked my kids and my husband if they moved it. No one knew anything about it. At that point I strongly suspected my MIL, because she has taken gifts back from people before.
      via Much-Clothes-7999
    • My husband texted her and asked if she took it. She admitted she did, saying we "don't use it enough," so she took it with her.
      via Much-Clothes-7999
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    • I was shocked and angry. To me, this is stealing something from my house because she decided I didn't deserve to keep my own property. My husband thinks I should just let it go and sweep it under the rug.
      via Much-Clothes-7999
    • I told him this is a serious boundary issue and I don't trust her in our home anymore. I requested she no longer be alone in our house unsupervised, but my husband thinks that what she did wasn't "stealing" and I'm making a big deal over nothing.
      via Much-Clothes-7999
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    • Puzzleheaded-Fly7632 Your husband is an a_and covering for his stealing mother. You are not overreacting and if anything you might be under reacting. They are gaslighting you and this is a hill to di on. Don't suggest she not come over on her
      via Puzzleheaded-Fly7632
    • own. Demand it. She has zero reason to be in your house without one of you there. NTA but they sure are.
      via Puzzleheaded-Fly7632
    • kmactane I know it's common in cases like this for people to say "You don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem," but in this case, I'm sorry to say you have both a MIL problem (she's a utter horror) and a husband problem (he cares more about her feelings than yours, or about basic sanity and decency).
      via kmactane
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    • NTA, but you have a bad situation to deal with. I wish you luck.
      via kmactane
    • Forward_Role5334 Sounds like your dad needs to come over and take some of your husband's stuff since it isn't a big deal.
      via Forward_Role5334
    • MsFoxArt NTA. He'd be humming a different tune if it were your parents and his things. Perhaps he needs a reminder of roles being reversed.
      via MsFoxArt
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    • malorthotdogs NTA. I'm concerned for your children if their father doesn't know what stealing is.
      via malorhotdogs
    • Elisacriann You don't just have a mother-in- law problem, you have a husband problem. He has no spine.
      via Elisacriann
    • Pure-Double5941 As a married man he needs to decide who he is married too.... He needs to go a set and tell his mother she is being destructive not constructive.... But she already knows that!
      via Pure-Double5941

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