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"B-List" birthday guest leaves party after realizing she's expected to watch the party via live-stream

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  • Birthday girl celebrates her big day at large venue while holding cake and smiling.
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  • Am I wrong for leaving my best friend's birthday party early because I was a B List guest?

    Throwaway for privacy, though this is a pretty specific incident and anyone who knows the situation will probably be able to identify me anyway.
  • I (29f) have been good friends with "Sally" (30f) since we were 8 years old. We were inseparable throughout school, but we went to different colleges.
  • Guest takes a selfie with other guests and the birthday girl at her lavish event, with a cake with lit candles is on the table in front of them.
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  • I visited her a few times each year, she'd visit me, and we'd always meet up at Christmas and summer breaks.
  • After we graduated I moved about a 3 hour drive from where she moved to. We still caught up often.
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  • As normally happens, we established our new professional and social lives, drifted apart, but whenever we caught up it was like no time had passed.
  • We were there for each other whenever we needed it. When she got married at 25, I was a bridesmaid (I declined maid of honor because I was concerned with the long commute I couldn't do all the MOH duties required/expected).
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  • She drove to my place to support me when my father had a stroke. I stayed with her when she found out her ex- husband cheated and she filed for divorce.
  • I always figured that even though life is taking us in different directions, we're always there for each other.
  • Now to her birthday. She turned 30 last week and had a huge party this past weekend.
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  • Since it was a milestone birthday, she had it at a banquet hall, all catered, DJ, etc.
  • It was at night, so I booked a hotel, drove up, and would drive back home the next day.
  • When I arrived, I was ushered into a small room with 4 tables and about 10 other people.
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  • There was a portable TV on a trolley with a stream of the party in the bigger room.
  • One of the guests told me Sally invited more than the main hall could accommodate and she hoped after a few people RSVP'ed no, we'd all fit in.
  • But only 1 or 2 people RSVP'ed no, so the venue opened a second room for the excess guests.
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  • I saw in the stream new people arriving after I did, so I knew I was clearly relegated to the B-lister room and wasn't brought there because the main room was already filled up.
  • So I left after 15 minutes and took my gift with me. The next day as I was preparing to check out of the hotel, Sally called and asked why I didn't show.
  • Apparently, she came to the leftovers room to mingle about 30 minutes after I left and noticed I wasn't there.
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  • I told her I did attend, but I didn't realize I'd be watching a stream of her party instead of attending it, which I could have done at home.
  • She asked if I wanted to catch up for lunch and I can give her my gift then, but I told her I needed to get back home because I had plans for the afternoon.
  • Cue the instagram story about how people who claim to love her don't show up and she can't help that so many people wanted to celebrate her.
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  • During my drive home, her mother left a voicemail that she was very disappointed in me.
  • But I'm here like, "I'm supposed to be one of your best friends and I got the leftover experience." Did I overreact?
  • Am I the AH here?
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  • Lavish birthday party with guests clapping for the birthday girl.
  • People though this was odd, but there was a good explaination

    msthatsall Im sorry - yall are THIRTY and the MOM is calling to shame you?! Beyond nope.
  • Kinda makes sense, but still, why wouldn't the bday diva call instead?

    RemoveLivid7421 Original Poster's Reply Her mom is like a second mom to me. I think it was more like her wanting a heart-to-heart with me.
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  • JadieJang NTA. You don't overbook a party. You book a venue that can accommodate everyone. ?
  • RemoveLivid 7421 Original Poster's Reply Yeah, that's a weird and risky approach to take. If the venue didn't have the extra room, do you just turn friends and family away??
  • This is very true

    skldjhfksjhdfklj You had a friend. Not no mo
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  • RemoveLivid7421 Original Poster's Reply Yeah, pretty much.
  • Adventurous-Emu-755 NTA here, she had the nerve to ask to go to lunch so you could give her your gift? Seriously? Has she always treated you like this, or is this the first time you truly noticed? Then for her mother to get involved? OP, sometimes people grow, sometimes they don't. As we grow, we see that some relationships are not worth our time here on earth, you just realized this. Best response, block them, treasure the people who do invite you and don't usher you into a "side room" of the m
  • RemoveLivid7421 Original Poster's Reply Honestly, this is the first time she's acted like this. It's so far out of her normal behavior.
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  • ablaut-reduplication NTA. You don't need people like that in your life. You absolutely have the right to feel hurt and diminished. I would, too. I'm sorry you had to endure all that. Not just the hurt, but I'm sure also the feeling of deep disappointment in your 'friend'. She sounds like quite a narcissist.
  • alleecmo We planned our wedding in our backyard. I made a graph paper map of our yard to scale with cut out scale tables that had tabs for how far the chairs pulled out. I did the math after rearranging my little models every kind of way, and had to reduce my guest list, as 75 people max could fit in my yard. I wanted my guests to enjoy celebrating WITH us, not just give us gifts. We wanted their presence; any presents were just a nice bonus. OP, you former friend has turned ridiculous.

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