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    Stepdad tells stepdaughter she's not allowed to drink workout drink with 350mg of caffeine, mom tells him he's not allowed to parent her daughter

    Author image for Emmy Pratt
    Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
    Apr 7, 2026 11:45 AM EDT

    It's reasonable for him to want to make some parenting decisions after all of these years.

    When is it okay for a parent's boyfriend or girlfriend to discipline their child? In many cases, the answer is "never." Some stepparents have been part of their stepchildren's lives for years, but still don't feel they have the right to scold or enforce rules as their parents do. Honestly, that might be the way to do it. It's better to be safe than sorry, and unless your stepchild considers you their mom or dad, acting in a parental role could lead to resentment. 

    Not all stepparents feel like they can't enforce rules with their stepchildren. After all, they are one of the adults who are around them the most. It would be confusing if one of the adults in your home ignored your bad behavior while the other did not. The most important thing is that stepparents don't make new rules without the stepchild's parents' input. That can cause confusion and resentment, especially if the rules are too strict or contradict existing rules. It's important to give the kids in your life structure, but if there are so many different rules coming at them from their parents, grandparents, school, and stepparents, you can't expect them to keep them all straight without becoming a nervous wreck. Household rules need the parents' stamp of approval before they take effect.

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    • Woman sipping on purple tumbler
      via Eir Health

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • The stepdad in this story wants to enforce an incredibly reasonable rule on his 16-year-old stepdaughter. He doesn't want her drinking a pre-workout drink with more caffeine than 2 liters of Diet Coke, but his wife and stepdaughter are both opposed to his banning it. He just wants to protect his stepdaughter and help her make healthier choices, but clearly that's not going to fly in his wife's world. She only wants him to be a parent to her daughter whenever it's convienient for her, which is not how parenting or marriage should work. 

    • Am I the bad guy for refusing to let my 16yo step-daughter drink caffeinated pre-workout?

      So my wife and I had a disagreement and I need some input. We've been married for 3 years now, my wife doesn't work(says she'd rather be a sahm) and have no kids besides my 16yo step-daughter.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
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    • I've been in her life since she was 10 and we've been to therapy before because I feel like my wife only wants me to be a father for certain things and feels like I have no say, or less say than her in certain things.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
    • For example, in the past we had an argument because she started buying her caffeinated starbucks at 12yo and I disagreed with that.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
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    • Anyway, recently our 16yo daughter started going to the gym and I found a bottle of ring- pop pre-workout in the kitchen and asked my wife if it was hers and she said no, that it was our daughter's.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
    • Our daughter overheard and came out of her room, and I said I wasn't comfortable with her drinking that and they both got mad, saying it's "no big deal".
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
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    • Personally, I drank preworkout as a teen because I had uninvolved parents and worked at 15 and had my own car, but I later started to get heart palpitations and anxiety because of all the stimulants and caffeine.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
    • My wife is saying it's hypocritical of me to tell her not to drink it if I did myself and my stepdaughter went to her room rolling her eyes and slammed her door.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
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    • I'm just trying to be a good parent and do what I wish someone would have to me, but now they are both mad that I threw it out in the garbage.
      via u/ ZealousidealTune941
    • VegetableBusiness897 What, exactly, are you getting out of this relationship? It doesn't sound like she or her daughter respects you
      via u/VegetableBusiness897
    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply I've thought about that as well and even left the house at one point for over a month, but eventually wife called me crying and apologizing saying she'd change, and it didn't last long.
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
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    • MadCow113 You and your wife need to have a serious conversation. You not parenting her daughter is absolutely fair if that's what she prefers but then you shouldn't be paying for everything for her. NTA
      via u/MadCow113
    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply I agree. I pay for 100% of everything. Her bio father is a that doesn't contribute a dime, and never has. Now college is coming soon, and I mentioned I would pay only if certain conditions were met, and she said she "rather not go to college"
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
    • bostonfenwaybark NTA! This drink has 325-350mg of caffeine. This is equivalent to the caffeine in 4 cups of coffee! There are documented cases of children/teens ingesting highly caffeinated drinks prior to working out/practicing, going into cardiac arrest, and dong. Your stepdaughter and her mother are literally putting her life at risk! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK202224/ Edited to add link.
      via u/bostonfenwaybark
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    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply Wish I could upvote this 1000X!
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
    • MadCow113 I hope it is with your wife you are having these conversations? Your issue isn't with the 16 year old child, it is with your wife
      via u/MadCow113
    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply Yes, with my wife, but they are tight-knit so they tell each other everything.
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
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    • GamblinGambit NTAH. However, I think in your situation you may want to have a conversation with your wife about things involving the daughter before bringing it up to both of them and getting tag teamed by them immediately. You may be able to better articulate your concerns with your wife without the input of your daughter.
      via u/GamblinGambit
    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply I've tried, that's why we did therapy, but our daughter overhears anything about her and she comes out of her room and I get tag-teamed like you said. Our therapist even agreed my wife and I need to be on the same page as parents, but also said it was HER daughter so ultimately HER. decision. Idk I kind of regret getting involved with a single mom tbh, although I do love her, it's just too much sometimes.
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
    • Harpgirl07 Adding to everyone else's concerns here... a SAHM is a mother caring for the children, generally also keeping the household running. What is your wife doing? Honestly, with only a 16 yo it sounds more like wife is a kept woman and NOT a SAHM mom. Seriously, what is she doing through the day? And NTAH. Your role in your stepdaughter's life is quite muddled but my guess is your parenting in not desired - period.
      via u/Harpgirl07
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    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply She says she's a sahm, yet wants me to do 50% of household duties. And I get that feeling too sometimes, even gave her an ultimatum and said look, if you don't want me to parent I will leave, and she said no that I can parent, yet continues to undermine my decisions as a parent.
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
    • Background_Lion_1389 I'm not so sure that the problem here is that she was a single mum but maybe more that she doesn't love you as much as you love her? From your post and comments it seems more like she was after someone to foot the bill for her life. It's worth considering, are you always expected to just keep giving and not be treated as an equal or is it more even in other parts of your relationship? You said she's not working because she wants to be a sahm, but at 16 her daughter is almost
      via u/Background_Lion_1389
    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply No, I never agreed to her staying home, especially because I do 50% of the house chores AND pay 100% of the bills on top of finances, lawn care, car and house maintenance, etc.
      via u/ZealousidealTune941
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    • jaaackattackk Ultimately it is her daughter, but not fair to you. If she trusts and loves to enough to be married to you, she should trust you enough to help parent her daughter. Seems like she wants to be her daughter's friends more than a parent.
      via u/jaaackattackk
    • ZealousidealTune941 Original Poster's Reply BINGO! I've noticed that too. She wants to be her friend more than her parent, and they even act like friends, gossiping and everything.
      via u/ZealousidealTune941

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    drink caffeine gym workout teenagers parenting stepdaughter stepdad daughter mom
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