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Aunt finds 19-year-old niece's bank statements, demands niece give her a monthly loan after discovering her savings account, niece refuses: ‘I'm tired of helping you out’

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  • Woman sitting at a desk with a calculator and a laptop.
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  • AITA for lying to my family about how much money I have?

    For context: I'm 19F, and grew up in an extremely poor family, with my mom, aunt, and grandma.
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  • We are a very small family, and although things have moderately improved, everyone is still lower class.
  • I went to uni at 17, and started receiving student loans, my aunt start asking me for loans regularly.
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  • While I lived with my mom, i paid around $400 a month for rent and helped out with things like car insurance.
  • I had to move out at 18 due to constant arguing and strains on my mental health, and since then she has also occasionally been asking for loans.
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  • After I moved out, I got a part time minimum wage job to help with the rent and my car, and while i'm not great at saving, I've been trying to put away small amounts each month with the hopes of saving for a deposit on a house.
  • At one point, my mom confessed to me she had maxed out her credit cards, and I ended up emptying my savings both helping her and giving my aunt loans of $200+ at a time, some of which I never saw back.
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  • After this, I told them I wouldn't be able to help them so much anymore. Except recently, they ended up back in exact same situation.
  • Woman using a calculator with papers on the table.
  • I've replenished a good amount of my saving, but after a long talk with my grandma, who has also been giving them loans, she urged me to keep my savings private.
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  • So for the last 6 months, I've still given them smaller amounts, telling them that's all I can afford.
  • Last week, my aunt was helping me with something on my laptop, and I had left open a statement from my savings account.
  • She blew up at me over lying, and when my mom found out, she did the same, saying if I can afford things like my tattoos, the club, and other nonessentials, then I should be able to afford helping my family out.
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  • Neither of them have talked to me for over a week, saying that I've turned my back on the family, so they can do the same.
  • I feel so guilty, but I'm so tired of helping them out of a situation that they keep returning to.
  • Am I supposed to never enjoy myself because they can't get out of debt? Am I just being selfish here?
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  • Less-Assistance-7575 Imagine how embarrassed you'd be, at their age, relying on a 19 year old to get you by in life. They should be ashamed.
  • unwantedtrazh Original Poster's Reply The silver lining at least is that I'm very motivated to never end up in that situation. Its great motivation for exam season, hopefully I can be the one to start a better life and be a good example for any future children.
  • limagineU Keep bailing them out. They will never learn. You will be broke. They don't give AF about you. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
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  • Prudent_Border5060 Its time for you to grow up. Your family is leaching off you. And your letting them. Stop with the loans. Stop being the family piggy bank. Because they will never help you when you end up on the streets. And I am going to say something harsher. But because you have no fall back with family you have to watch yoir spending even more. Protect yourself and build a true savings. Yta to yourself.
  • unwantedtrazh Original Poster's Reply I very honestly appreciate the harshness. I was the first in my family to even attend uni, so I've never had any advice from anyone but friends (who are all from much better financial situations than I am). This post has gotten so many comments already it's crazy, but I've definitely resolved to be much more smart with my money from now on. It's time for someone to end this cycle.
  • A_Dog_Chasing_Cars INFO: What are the origins of your family's debts? Do they run out of money because of reasonable stuff (bills, bad economy, medical expenses etc.) or do they waste it on bad choices and stuff they can't afford? And how badly did they need the money, when they blew up at you? Also, what did they say to you, when they blew up?
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  • unwantedtrazh Original Poster's Reply Bad decisions on both sides. I feel horrible criticising my family, but for my mom she has this obsession with buying machines (like ice cream makers, expensive slushie machines, etc) on her credit card and never using them. My aunt is more of a mix, she struggles to get a well paying job, but any money she does have is usually wasted on gambling. The money my mom needs is because the period to pay back her credit cards without more interest is ending, while
  • CaptKeemau THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED!! NTA! You're putting away a few bucks in case you have an emergency !! Being responsible doesn't make you obligated to bail out the irresponsible !
  • Kooky-Whereas-2493 Neither of them have talked to me for over a week," sounds like a win to me its never anybodys business how much money you have NTA
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  • ShapeShiftingCats NTA look up financial/economic ab_e It doesn't matter if their ask is reasonable, you are not responsible for them. In fact, you are starting your life, if anything they should help you. It's selfish of them to expect help from someone who is merely starting in life.

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