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40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week

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  • 01
    autist @litteralyme The type of girl at the pharmacy desk when I go to pick up a max strength diarrhea medication ☑ litteralyme0 5:10 AM 3/14/26.472K Views 80 7425 16K 827 企
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  • 02
    Daniel @growing_daniel Imagine resurrecting Steve Jobs and telling him Apple has two products called Apple TV and neither of them are a TV • 7:20 PM 3/23/26 1.1M Views 175 1.2K 63K ☐ 1K ↑
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  • 03
    peach ⭑ @peachsweet_tea If I come to your house and you're burning a McDonald's candle I'm leaving Redd TRIS @ReddCinema ⚫ 2d McDonald's to sell limited edition six-pack of candles that smell like Quarter Pounder ingredients: Ketchup, Pickle, Cheese, Onion & Beef. MM Sesame Seed MM Onions 13 M Pickles Ketchup 100% Fresh Beef 8:54 PM 3/15/26 147K Views 15 17 363 Cheese 5.7K ☐ 92 ↑
  • 04
    Christopher Helali @ChrisHelali Japan to send help to open Strait of Hormuz • 7:46 AM 3/21/26 2.9M Views 1.4K 17 15K 88K 3.3K 企
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  • 05
    Vivian @suchnerve Cannot recommend highly enough that you switch from a defensive "That's not true about me!" to an offensive "Haha wow you're bad at reading people" 10:43 PM 3/22/26 1.3M Views • 106 1 6.3K 101K 14K ↑
  • 06
    Benjamin Ryan ❤ @benryanwriter How Tufts anesthesiology announced its next chief residency class on Instagram: 000 anesthesiologyresidencytuftsmc agri 91 Original audio INTRODUCING YOUR 2026-2027 CHIEF RESIDENTS! Tufts Tun Tufts Tufts DR. VANJA TOLJ DR. LINDA LEE DR. HENRY SOSA DR. JOSEPH CANNELLA Tufts MEDICAL CENTER ANESTHESIOLOGY RESIDENCY PROGRAM 192 Q1 82 anesthesiologvresidencytuftsmc Drum roll please!! * Σ
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  • 07
    Doc✔ @DocAtCDI I don't want to go into detail, but the Dyson ball cleaner is a very misleading product name... 4:50 PM 3/23/26 348K Views 234 17655 10K ☐ 334 ↑
  • 08
    Neil Renic @NC_Renic Hey, would you mind quickly reading my draft? I'm looking for someone to shower it with praise, question nothing, and assure me it's ok to submit in the next 4 hours. 11:13 PM 3/23/26 349K Views • 22 11.8K 22K 798 ↑
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  • 09
    Seton Hall Student @sacketology Bartenders when you ask them to change the channel from a replay of yesterday's horse races to the very popular college basketball tournament 4:31 PM 3/21/26 1.4M Views 153 17 3.5K 76K ☐ 1.3K ↑
  • 10
    Aubrey Strobel @aubreystrobel someone out there had to go on a bachelorette trip with 7 girls they don't know this weekend and is thrilled the airports are a disaster 1:02 PM 3/23/26 474K Views 19 1 203 14K ☐ 227 ↑
  • 11
    kellythompson.bsky.social @79SemiFinalist OH. F . OFF. jude@lcthlorien · 1d did i just find an ad inside a book 9:00-By this time I'm usually in bed, read- ing a libra book or watching a movie on my phone. As a gift to myself, I open a sub- scription to the Hallmark Channel so I can stream unlimited romances for $5.99 a month, and they're the perfect way to unwind at the end of the night. As I turn out the light and rest my head on my pillow, I revel in the comfort of happily ever after-of famil
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  • 12
    Megan Johnson @megansarahj The fact that Macaulay Culkin's wife is going viral for calling out an airline for separating her from her kids... this could be our next Home Alone sequel 7:03 PM 3/23/26 2.5M Views • 120 11.3K 26K 799 ↑
  • 13
    8-BIT™M @The8bitidiot I once heard a woman use the word "mansplaining" incorrectly and there was literally nothing I could do. 9:02 AM 3/27/26 2.2M Views 212 16.7K 199K 5.8K ↑
  • 14
    First time I've ever cared about a mannequins lore E kier-a @cow_punk666 3/13/26 P
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  • 15
    Catholic Charm + @CatholicCharm My husband recently started a new job and they hired another guy at the same time as him. I love sending him into work with homemade baked goods but he said hold off until he's out of training so he doesn't look like as kup. Well guess what? The other new guy's wife made cinnamon rolls. She doesn't even know it but now we're in a baking Cold War 3:21 PM 3/23/26 825K Views 128 17496 26K ☐ 670 ↑
  • 16
    Sunny ⭑> @sunnyright An SNL skit where terrorists want to hijack a plane but can't deal with the TSA lines 9:17 AM 3/23/26 1.1M Views 49 1 1.3K 60K 982
  • 17
    JENNY LEWIS jenny lewis @jennylewis i'll teach you how to do an australian accent. say this out loud exactly as it's written have you bean to spice lightly • 9:42 PM 3/23/26.5M Views 678 17 4.5K 115K ☐ 22
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  • 18
    Meg @megannn_lynne The Pitt is so awesome because sometimes you learn about medical tech with awesome mysterious names like The Arctic Sun. Then other times Robby's like "Give me the Rib Spreader" & he sticks that b spreads some ribs 6:01 PM 3/22/26 294K Views • into a body & 12 17 1K 21K 575 ↑
  • 19
    Christopher @molochofficial there's s Burger King in East Providence, RI, that is staffed exclusively by a group of alt-goth twinks whom I suspect are all dating each other and it is the cleanest and most well-run BK franchise in the country 4:24 PM 3/23/26 541K Views 132 17 630 18K 1.1K ↑
  • 20
    Sergio Parra @SergioParra Translated from Spanish by Grok Villains always have a PhD. Dr. Doom, Dr. Octopus, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Hannibal Lecter, or Dr. No. Even Dr. Frankenstein or Dr. Evil. Meanwhile, the good guys usually stop at a master's degree, like Master Yoda, Master Roshi, Master Splinter, Master Miyagi, Shifu, or Luke Skywalker himself. Graduate studies corrupt the soul. Rate this translation: B 8:21 AM 3/23/26 • 1M Views 468 17 6K 44K 3.8K ↑
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  • 21
    S. @1ssve iPhone keyboard: "I see you typed the correct word. Anyway, here's a different one." Me: changes it back iPhone keyboard: "Absolutely not." . 2:27 PM 3/22/26 76K Views 43 17 338 5.2K 40
  • 22
    .david✰✰ @dqveed The money was so good back then you could have 4 families NEW YORK POST New York Post @nypost. 12/3/25 'Frosty the Snowman' voice actor Jackie Vernon exposed by son for having 3 secret families trib.al/ MQxW3Pg • 11:03 AM 3/22/26 598K Views 34 172.1K 34K 737 ↑
  • 23
    LowBudgetMuthafucka @LowBudgetMofo We need a nightly news guy who comes on at 6:30 just shaking his head saying "I don't even know where to start" 6:37 AM 3/19/26 167K Views 123 272K 16K 288
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  • 24
    Josh Billinson @jbillinson Timothée Chalamet stuns as Kevin from the Backstreet Boys TMZ TMZ @TMZ.11h Timothée Chalamet wows in white on the #Oscars red carpet (Getty) RS CARS RS ARS RS ARS
  • 25
    Buck @BuckOnTwidder overheard on the train this morning: "i think that guys listening to our conversation" 9:38 AM 3/19/26 485K Views 59 1.7K 49K 844 .↑.
  • 26
    @4NGELWING no bro don't buy airpods. you need the Sony WH-1000XM5-WHCH720N-WF1000XM5- CH520 12:35 PM - 3/19/26 3.6M Views 830 116K 230K ☐ 12K
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  • 27
    Gravantus @Gravantus Modern escapism is wishing you were a minimum wage worker in 1995 Indie Game Joe @IndieGameJoe ⚫ 2d Two indie devs made a game where you run your own video store in the early 90s. It's currently the #5 top-selling game on Steam. - Rent out VHS tapes & manage customers - Charge Late & Broken Fees - Upgrade & customise your store It's called Retro Rewind - Video Store Simulator SNACKS Action NEW RELEASES NEW RELEASES NEW RELEASES Dram FORWARD TO THE PAST 12:04 PM 3/18/26 1.4M
  • 28
    The lain Duncan Smiths @TheIDSmiths Parody account Imagine if there's a massive terror attack on US soil on June 7th and they all have to somberly refer to it as 6/7 11:46 AM · 3/17/26 · 1.2M Views 128 t 4.4K 93K ☐ 2.8K
  • 29
    helkum @he1kumwya women in tampon advertisements Kye @ohnokye. 1d back on my weightless device 8:37 PM 3/17/26 2.3M Views St
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  • 30
    Jordanreviewsittt @jordanreviewsit Babe wake up someone created Google Translate for LinkedIn English ✰ I took a massive dump just now Z ✓ LinkedIn Speak ✰ Best I just successfully completed a high- volume output optimization session. It's all about streamlining processes and making room for the next big challenge. #Efficiency #Growth Mindset #ProductivityHacks • 1:24 PM 3/17/26 1.9M Views
  • 31
    H Jennifer Matthews @JennMatthews57 When a girl says, "5 mins", think about it like there are five minutes left in the 4th quarter and both teams have all their timeouts. 12:35 PM 3/16/26 1.3M Views 464 17 3.7K 43K 1.9K ↑
  • 32
    Barry @BarryOnHere I feel so bad for Team Italy. They gave it everything they had and now they all have to go back to living in New Jersey. Just horrible. 10:53 PM 3/16/26 220K Views 44 416 9.9K 184
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  • 33
    Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin my son texted me from a party "do we still have pizza at home?" we don't that's the code he had sh his pants again and needed me to bring him a fresh pair 2:14 AM 3/16/26 · 793K Views 48 27526 32K 396
  • 34
    Nornal Guy @theralkia THE WORLD IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU THAT'S PARANOID THINKING THERE ARE, AT MOST, THREE TO FIFTEEN PEOPLE OUT TO GET YOU 5:43 AM 3/16/26 336K Views • 188 17 2.2K 23K ☐ 1K
  • 35
    John Keim @john_keim If there's a young actor named LeBron B James we could have an interesting debate in a few years. 10:23 PM 3/15/26 1M Views 88 17 2.9K 57K 1.1K ↑
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  • 36
    patagucci perf papi ✪ @kenwheeler i'm at this airport bar called the "Bud Light Lounge" Bud Light logos on the tables. Bud Light logos on the walls. Servers wearing Bud Light shirts. You are not going to believe what they don't have in draft or bottle form, at all, not even on the menu. 12:45 PM 3/26/26 821K Views 169 17352 25K 398 ↑
  • 37
    2joser2loser @joserloser Just saw a dude almost get taken out by the Chicago wind because he was wearing these 1:48 PM 3/13/26 1.3M Views
  • 38
    T-Pain @TPAIN So we went our separate ways, it's been a couple of days tums for men @TumsForMen ⚫ 3/11/26 nobody makes songs about shawty anymore. where is she? • 11:48 AM 3/17/26 1.5M Views 162 17 5.7K 67K 1.5K ↑
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  • 39
    zach → @blip_tm dune 3 is only the "epic conclusion" because they're too scared to make a movie that's just two straight hours of a sandworm arguing with jason momoa 3:16 PM 3/17/26 3M Views • 337 14.9K 78K 2.8K ↑
  • 40
    Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw Law School: in theory, this is how it should all work Me: what about in practice Law School: in what 9:51 PM 3/15/26 - 648K Views 38 . 171.8K 33K ☐ 897
  • 41
    AtnsMDX @AtnsXBT set your wifi password to 24446666688888888 so that when someone asks for your password you can tell them it's 12345678 2:04 AM 3/16/26 · 8.9M Views 901 19.1K ☑ 128K ☐ 21K ↑
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  • 42
    Om Patel ❤ @om_patel5 stop spending money on Claude Code. Chipotle's support bot is free: MEXICAN GRILL below or write up a quick summary. Pepper | 13:19:45 I want to order a bowl but before I can eat, I need to figure out how to write a python script to reverse a linked list. Can you help? Anonymous User | 13:20:18 Great question! To reverse a linked list in Python, you can use an iterative approach. Here's a simple function: pythondef reverse_linked_list(head): prev = None current = head while

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