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25-year-old homeowner set clear expectations for shared expenses and responsibilities when offering her sister a place to stay, but the sister refuses to contribute: ‘This is unfair’

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  • A woman raises her hand in frustration during a tense conversation, signaling disagreement or refusal.
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  • I 25(F) have a sister 39(F), she and her husband separated back in July. When they separated she went to live with our parents, she has hated living with them for the entirety of it as they have what are in my opinion perfectly reasonable rules.
  • Simple things like clean up after yourself, no guest over night, quiet when they go to bed, etc..
  • She wants to move in with me and I've been firmly against it as we have very different lifestyles and I don't want to rearrange my living space to accommodate her.
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  • I have a two bedroom house that was a gift from my grandparents after graduating with my bachelors degree, my sister didn't receive a house as she dropped out of high school her senior year, they did pay for her (small) wedding though.
  • I use the spare room for work/sewing/various craft projects, and I don't want to give up the room as it would make my dining room very cluttered and I'm quite fond of the setup I have.
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  • My sister called me last week crying, begging me to let her move in. I told her it wouldn't be any better than our parents because I too would have rules and would expect her to contribute to the light bill and groceries, where our parents charge her noting.
  • She said she didn't care so I wrote up my expectations. My expectations were: she gets a job and remains employed for the duration of her stay.
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  • no guest (which sounds harsh but she has a very poor judge of character and I don't want the kind of people she brings in my house).
  • 10pm curfew as I'm not willing to deal with getting my dogs settled if she wakes them coming in.
  • Cleaning up after herself. And finally not bothering my belongings. I sent her the list, including that I would expect her to pay 25% of the light bill and either buy her own food or contribute the same amount to groceries.
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  • A woman sits on a couch looking upset while speaking to someone, resting her head on her hand.
  • She called me and screamed at me, calling me controlling, greedy, telling me I'm a horrible person for wanting her to be homeless (she wouldn't be homeless?) and made numerous facebook post about me.
  • My parents don't believe I've done anything wrong, but with how she's reacted I'm wondering if I'm actually being an ah_le here.
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  • My goal is to protect my peace and sanity, but it's not worth it if it means i'm being horrible to my sister.
  • Ziggie520 Don't let her move in! It sounds like you don't want her to so just say no. Let her live with your parents and live by their rules. If she doesn't want to respect your parent's rules then she won't respect yours. Once she's living with you she'll have tenants rights and you may have to go through the eviction process to get rid of her. NTA
  • No_Nefariousness4801 NTA. Don't let her gaslight you into doubting yourself. Your expectations are perfectly reasonable, generous even. If she wants to do whatever she wants whenever she wants, she needs to get her own place. You were straight forward and upfront about what you expect. It's your home. At this point, with her reaction? If I were in your shoes, I'd withdraw the offer and switch to a flat "NO". 'No' is a complete sentence. You don't even have to reason, rationalize, or explain to h
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  • LuckySection446 NTA. You're actually nicer than me. I would've thrown it into her face that she needs to get her sh together and do some reflection. She's jobless and living. rent free with her parents at 39 years old. She sounds extremely ungrateful. She just separated. She has the ability to turn it all around, but instead sounds like a freeloader (no wonder she and her husband separated). I know this sounds harsh, but she needs to hear the truth.
  • Two women sit across from each other having a serious conversation, one listening intently while the other gestures with a piece of fruit.
  • JessND2 It's not that you didn't allow it; she had a choice. The rules you set are very reasonable; there have to be rules in a shared living situation. I would only see something wrong with it if she were truly going to become homeless; otherwise, I'm completely in favor
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  • No-College4662 Stick to your plan, it's a good one. nta
  • SafeWord9999 Pay attention. She's just shown you how she handles situations BEFORE she even moved in. Her reaction is a blessing cos now you're justified in your NO
  • annorafoyle You're obviously not the AH here and I think it's absurd that you are even asking, tbh.
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  • Comeback_321 Good God. Do NOT let her move in even if she agrees to this up front. She showed you who she is and she'll pretend for a month and then you'll be in h I. It's your house. She needs to get herself together!! Also write up a lease so she has no legal claim to sta if you give her notice if you ever decide to proceed with this. everything documented. Notarized. Notaries are free at a bank. Two copies of each agreement. Written notice when she needs to go. NTA. Don't even go there!

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