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Fluent Spanish-speaker calls out his brother's girlfriend for insulting his mom's cooking in Spanish: 'My brother is furious at ME for causing a scene.'

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  • A man and woman sitting at a table with a plate of food
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  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to pretend I don’t speak Spanish at my own family dinner?

    My brother has been dating someone new for about four months. She's great. I genuinely like her.
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  • The problem is her mother who came to our family dinner last Sunday for the first time and spent the entire evening saying incredibly r de things about our home, our food and our family in Spanish under her breath assuming absolutely nobody at the table understood her.
  • A woman standing in front of a table holding a plate of food
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  • Nobody except me. I have been fluent in Spanish since college. Twelve years. It has never come up with my brother's girlfriend because it genuinely never came up.
  • Not a big deal either way. So I sat there for about forty five minutes listening to this woman quietly critique everything from my mom's cooking to the size of our living room to what she apparently considers my brother's disappointing career choices.
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  • A man and a woman sitting at a dinner table
  • All with a smile on her face pointed at the people she was talking about. Finally she said something about my mother specifically that I cannot repeat here but that crossed a very clear line.
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  • And I just. Responded. In Spanish. Calmly. Directly. Addressed everything she'd said for the past forty five minutes in one very collected and very specific response and then smiled and went back to my dinner.
  • The table went completely silent. Her daughter looked mortified. My brother is furious at ME for causing a scene.
  • My mom who doesn't speak Spanish is still confused about what happened and I cannot decide if I should
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  • wornwhisky nah you're good
  • After-Party-8860 Original Poster's Reply Honestly? Three words and somehow that's exactly the energy I needed today.
  • AffectionateZone7291 Nah this is wild. She was comfortable disrespecting your whole family because she thought no one understood her that's on her. You didn't cause a scene, you just removed her safety net. If anything you showed restraint because a lot of people would've called it out way earlier.
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  • After-Party-8860 Original Poster's Reply This is exactly the reframe I needed because my brother has been calling it causing a scene since Sunday and those two descriptions cannot coexist.
  • RememberNichelle You were a classy person who attempted to ignore the situation and not cause her any embarrassment, but she just kept digging that hole. And honestly... without understanding a language, there comes a time when a person realizes the other person is talking trash. Micro-expressions and micro-tones of voice are a thing, and nobody is that good of an actor. She wanted everyone to understand her superiority and disdain for your family.
  • After-Party-8860 Original Poster's Reply That actually makes everything SO much worse and so much more important simultaneously.
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  • Aggressive_Comb6161 I don't get how you're the problem here. She spent almost an hour criticizing your family in your own home. You responded once calmly in the same language. That's not causing a scene that's addressing it.
  • After-Party-8860 Original Poster's Reply Right?! Like I've been sitting with this since Sunday trying to find the angle where I'm actually the villain and I genuinely cannot locate it no matter how hard I try.
  • love_92 NTJ Does your brother know Spanish? Did he understand what that woman said? And his girlfriend? She should have put a stop to it the first time her mother opened her mouth.
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  • After-Party-8860 Original Poster's Reply My brother does not speak Spanish. Not a word. So he experienced the whole dinner completely differently than I did. From his perspective a quiet evening suddenly shifted when I said something he didn't understand to a woman he's trying to impress and the table went silent. Without context I can almost see why he landed on me as the source of the disruption. Almost.
  • pancetta9 Have you told your brother what the mother was saying? I mean, she's clearly being disrespectful even to those that don't speak Spanish. NTJ I would've called her out on it too, and probably one thousand times more dramatically lol.
  • After-Party-8860 Original Poster's Reply My brother knows I responded in Spanish. He knows it made things uncomfortable. He knows the girlfriend's mother left earlier than planned and that the energy at the table shifted completely. What he does NOT know is the actual content of what she was saying for forty five minutes before I said anything.
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  • pookapotomus2 Ntj. My ex was Mexican. His family assumed I, not being Hispanic, didn't speak Spanish. I'm not fluent but I'm pretty close. At dinner his dad started talking sh about how I might be good for "fun" but he needed to marry a Mexican girl. I calmly looked up at said "no me casaria con el, asi que eso no es un problema" His dad got realllll quiet and my ex was mad I embarrassed him. Like dude, you weren't saying sh sol had to.
  • Otherwise_Yak_3744 Her daughter does not speak Spanish? Actually, she should have told her mother to speak respectfully in English. There are going to be serious problems if your brother marries his gf.

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