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    Mom calls out other mom for not keeping track of her 14-year-old daughter despite telling her she'd be in touch

    Author image for JR Atkinson
    JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
    Mar 14, 2026 10:00 PM EDT

    When you're taking care of someone else's teen, are you responsible for keeping in touch with their parents? 

    Every parent has a different approach to parenting. There are as many different ways to parent as there are parents in the world. And one of the hard parts about it is negotiating each other's take on it. You don't want to step on anyone's toes, but you also sometimes have to make decisions independently and ask for forgiveness later. When your kid is hanging out with another kid, you probably feel some sort of responsibility for them. And you should. You're the nearest responsible adult, so you're on the hook if anything goes awry. But after a certain age, shouldn't that responsibility diminish at least a little bit? 

    Every child is different and takes maturity at a different pace. Some parents might trust their kids to go on errands by themselves at an early age, while others might take longer to come around. It's all up to the dynamic between parent and child, and what level of trust is in play. And this can be a larger discussion, but it's important to take it at its own pace. But this can get easily complicated when other parents start to get involved. Do they have a say over their whereabouts and in making sure they're keeping up communication? Or is that up to the kids to do for themselves? 

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    • A mother looks over her teenage daughter who is upset on the couch
      via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Those are the questions that came up in this story, where a simple outing with a friend turned into a difficult situation for all. The mom caught in between wasn't quite sure what to do, and didn't want to end up harming her daughter's relationship with her friend. Friendship is so important (at all ages, but especially that age), and she didn't want to jeopardize something that key. But she also trusted her own parenting instincts in the moment. When things started to go wrong, she wasn't sure who to blame for it. So she reached out to the internet for other opinions. Keep scrolling to read what transpired between them and see what you think about it.

    • Am I in the wrong for not double checking a plan my teen daughter and her friend made?

      Relevant Info: my daughter (15) is EXTREMELY good at communicating her plans and whereabouts to me. I mean, if we are in the same store but in different departments she tells me if she is going to the bathroom kinda stuff. This is mutual as I tell her my plans and whereabouts when it pertains to her as well. It stems from when we lived in a very busy urban city and her intense fear of being kidnapped and harmed. We no
      via u/Wintery_Pearls17
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    • longer live there and currently live in a very rural and extremely safe area. Lots of her friends grew up in this area and rarely leave. Current Issue: my daughter and her best friend (14) had a day off school and were hanging out at our home. They asked if I could drive them to the city closest to us for some mall hopping and holiday gift card spending. I agreed and the friend apparently communicated this plan with her
      via u/Wintery_Pearls17
    • Mom. Unknown to me, the friend's Mom set a specific pickup time at our house. We had a great day shopping about and having lunch. My daughter's friend then received a very angry phone-call from her mom, who apparently had gone to our house and found us not home at the pickup time. Evidently the mom had texted that she was on her way a few times with no reply from her daughter. The mom does have location sharing
      via u/Wintery_Pearls17
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    • capabilities. My daughter's friend was supposed to go on a trip with us this weekend and that has been taken away as has her phone access. Not my place to judge parenting choices, nor do I know the full picture so I am pretty neutral on that. My daughter is fully panicking that she wont be able to ever hang out with her best friend again as this Mom is generally pretty restrictive and has very firm expectations of her daughter academically. My daughter is
      via u/Wintery_Pearls17
    • worried that somehow she will be viewed as problematic and will lose her best friend. I have assured her this likely is not the case, but also that reaction could be in the wheelhouse of potential outcomes given when I have recently gathered from this experience. Why I feel like I might be the Ahle: I feel like I should have double checked the plans to make sure I had all the info directly from my daughter's
      via u/Wintery_Pearls17
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    • friend's Mom. I just kind of assumed that I had been told the relevant information. I did communicate my apology via text and in person when we dropped off my daughter's friend for the hassle or worry that us not being back when expected may have caused. I also did take accountability for passing an assumption about the clarity of communication. I just still feel terrible about my role in this situation and will feel awful if my daughter loses a friend.
      via u/Wintery_Pearls17
    • A mom has a difficult discussion with her teenage daughter
      via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Commenters wondered if there might be more going on here.

      Astute_Primate There's something bigger at play here. The friend and the mom are at odds over her independence. She deliberately did not tell you about the pickup time because she wanted more time to hang out with your daughter. You were collateral damage
      via u/Astute_Primate
    • GnomieOk4136 Nope, this is on the friend. She absolutely knew when her mother wanted to pick her up, and she knew how her mother would react when she ignored texts. NTA
      via u/GnomieOk4136
    • ConflictGullible3... NTA. This is between the friend and her mom. You didn't do anything wrong.
      via u/ConflictGullible3
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    • Dangerous_Cow... NTA this was a lesson for the friend and the situation is between her and her mom. At a certain age you kinda expect kids to handle that basic level of responsibility. I think you and the mom should've had each other's numbers though in case of an emergency or situation like this where the mom needed to get ahold of the daughter but couldn't.
      via u/Dangerous_Cow7372
    • jessiemagill NAH - you should be able to trust teenagers to communicate their plans. The other mom's punishment seems reasonable to me. If my kid wasn't where the were supposed to be *and* didn't respond to my texts, I'd be ped too. Why didn't the friend tell you that she had a pick up time?
      via u/jessiemagill
    • KaliTheBlaze NAH. I think most teenagers end up having to learn this lesson via being punished. It really is a very common thing. Back in the days before everyone had cellphones, I lost my driving privileges for a week because I didn't tell my parents I was headed out with a friend for the afternoon.
      via u/KaliTheBlaze
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    • You learned to double- check with your daughter's friends when their parents expect them home (or ready to pick up), and your daughter's friend is learning that she needs to either be where she says she'll be when she promised or check in and update. If that mom
      via u/KaliTheBlaze
    • demands the end of this friendship over this one incident, she'll be an overreacting AH, but if the punishment is limited to what you've described (and probably a lecture), it will be proportional to the "crime."
      via u/KaliTheBlaze
    • Familiar_Shock_... NTA This was solely on your kid's friend. No reason for you to feel guilty about her bad behavior. Hopefully, she learned her lesson.
      via u/Familiar_Shock_1542
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    • HowlPen NTA You did nothing wrong. Sounds like growing pains- Mom trusted daughter to share info with you, and she didn't. Since you are concerned, you could set the tone of "moving forward, let's text directly until the kids get a little older."
      via u/HowlPen
    • No_fizzy_drink_t... NTA. 14 is old enough to know what they are doing. You shouldn't have to double back every single time.
      via u/No_fizzy_drink_today
    • OutlandishnessF... Most 14 year olds are quite competent when it comes to communication. Your daughter's friend chose to not communicate with her mother in regard to pertinent information.
      via u/OutlandishnessFew773
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    • The issue at hand is not your role in this fiasco, but the relationship between the friend and her mother. There are other problems here and I would not be overly concerned with the loss of your daughter's friend. I would be more concerned with the friend's attitude towards her mother - You wouldn't want the
      via u/OutlandishnessFew773
    • relationship between yourself and daughter, which sounds very healthy, to be adversely affected by this example of a mother/daughter relationship. NTA
      via u/OutlandishnessFew773
    • Inevitable-Coach... NTA. Just a learning experience from the regular difficulty of life for your daughter.
      via u/Inevitable-Coach9552
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    • RuGirlBeth NTA. The mom should have discussed pick up expectations when she dropped her off. Especially if time was an issue.
      via u/RuGirlBeth
    • Zookeepergame... NTA, the friends mom should have checked with you if she had a hard deadline. The 14 yr old wasn't driving and seems not as mature as your daughter. In the future, you should pester the mom.
      via u/ZookeepergameOk1833
    • 40Degree Days The daughter was with a responsible adult, not like off on her own late at night partying, so seems like a massive overreaction on her mother's part. NTA
      via u/40DegreeDays
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    • nakedreader_ga ESH. You should have confirmed with the other adult the plans and expectations. Our kids can make all the plans they like, but until they can move around independently, parents should know what's going on. As a mom to a 15yo, I absolutely make sure
      via u/nakedreader_ga
    • the other parent involved knows what's going on and what the plan is. My kid hates it, but if she's spending the night or going to another city with someone, I want to be certain the other adult knows what's going on.
      via u/nakedreader_ga

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    childcare teens kids teenagers moms parenting raising kids Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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