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    Boyfriend's mom calls 28-year-old's workplace, asks manager for a reference: 'His mom has always been a lot'

    Overly protective parents do not get any less overbearing when their kids grow up. In fact, they often become even more insecure as their adult children get comfortable with their independence and begin achieving life milestones.

    These kinds of parents often can't bear the idea of their kids living a life that is beyond their control. They want to be the one who dictates everything about their existence and the person who has the final say.

    It is no shock that being in a relationship with somebody who has a controlling parent can prove to be a miserable experience. There is every chance that no matter what kind of partner they pick, they won't live up to this family member's high standards. It is quite common for these people to be punished for this without any good reason behind it.

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    • Two female employees sit across from one another at a table, with one holding a pen on the clipboard in front of her
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      Two female employees sit across from one another at a table, with one holding a pen on the clipboard in front of her

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    • The lengths that overbearing parents will go to in an attempt to control their child's choice of partner can often be truly deranged. One woman felt like she was being put in a difficult position when the mom of her boyfriend of three years decided to call her workplace to ask for a reference. Despite the fact that she had been living with her partner for over a year, her mother-in-law felt that she needed a professional opinion on her character.

       

    • My boyfriend's mom called my workplace to "check on my character" before deciding if i was good enough for her son. I'm 28.

      So i need to preface this by saying my boyfriend Jake and i have been together for almost three years.
      via IlyMalee
    • We live together, we have a dog together, we are very much functioning adults. Jake is 31.
      via IlyMalee
    • I am 28. We met at work, different departments, no conflict of interest, we've been living together in my apartment for about a year and a half.
      via IlyMalee
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    • His mom, i'll call her Roberta, has always been a lot. Very involved, very opinionated, the kind of person who will cc herself into conversations that have nothing to do with her.
      via IlyMalee
    • Jake is her only child and i think she genuinely believes that means she has permanent veto power over his life decisions.
      via IlyMalee
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    • I've been polite. I've had dinners with her, i remembered her birthday, i ask about her garden.
      via IlyMalee
    • An older woman sitting in an armchair smiles as she calls somebody on her cellphone
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      An older woman sitting in an armchair smiles as she calls somebody on her cellphone

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    • I thought we had a kind of strained but workable dynamic. Then last month my manager pulled me aside and told me that a woman had called the main office line asking to speak to someone about my "professional conduct and personal reputation." She said she was a family member of someone i was in a relationship with and wanted to make sure i was "a person of good character." My manager, to her credit, told the woman this was not something she would discuss and ended the call.
      via IlyMalee
    • But she told me because she thought i deserved to know. I was so stunned i just kind of nodded and went back to my desk.
      via IlyMalee
    • I called Jake that evening and told him what happened. He went very quiet. He said he would talk to her.
      via IlyMalee
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    • He did talk to her. Roberta's defense was that she "just wanted to make sure i was serious about her son" and that she "didn't say anything bad." She genuinely could not understand why either of us were upset.
      via IlyMalee
    • She thought this was a normal and reasonable thing to do. Like calling someone's place of employment to ask about their dating suitability is just a thing people do aparently.
      via IlyMalee
    • Jake apologized on her behalf and told her she needed to apologize to me directly. She sent me a text that said "i hope you understand i was coming from a place of love for my son." That was the apology.
      via IlyMalee
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    • I haven't responded and i'm honestly not sure i'm going to.
      via IlyMalee

    • It is one thing to embarrass somebody in their place of work by making an inappropriate phone call, but defending it and refusing to give a proper apology is quite another. Unfortunately, parents with relationships like this with their children are not the kind who are likely to back off just because they have caused an upset.

    • A woman looks down as she is sitting across a table from another woman
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      A woman looks down as she is sitting across a table from another woman

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

    • garbagewithnames Show him her non apology and get him to push her for a Real apology out of it. Not good enough. H I, I'd even consider calling HER place of work and asking the same sorts of embarrassing questions demanding her boss tells you if they'd consider her a good mother if they think she wants to still be a mom her son talks to, or whatever invasive and r de questions. Make her realize just how of a feeling it is because she clearly seems the type to never understand just how bad someth
      via garbagewithnames
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    • whyaremypantssoshort You should also come from a place of love for her son and tell right off out of your her to f relationship....
      via whyaremypantssoshort
    • Dog_Concierge Can you picture a lifetime with this woman? It won't get any better.
      via Dog_Concierge
    • PilotEnvironmental46 Definitely keep some distance here. I hope Jake demands she does apologize. Cause right now it seems like nothing is going to deter her from doing this again. I'm not saying he has to cut her out of his life, but he does need to make her understand that the consequences of stepping over the line will not be insignificant. And going LC until she offers a sincere apology, one where she clearly annunciates why what she did was inappropriate, is called for. She simply cannot beh
      via PilotEnvironmental46
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    • classicicedtea Is he willing to go no contact?
      via classicicedtea
    • mcchillz That was not an apology. Don't demand a do-over apology bc it won't be authentic. Instead, mute her number and don't respond. Live your best life.
      via mcchillz
    • knottyvar Sit her down woman to woman and tell her she had no business sticking her nose in your affairs. Then you tell your boyfriend (emphasis on "boy") that if his mother interferes in your private life again, you will end the relationship. If this is not nipped in the bud now, it will get much, much worse.
      via knottyvar
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    • Icy-Reputation 180 OP needs to tell BF that he has a decision to make, her or his mommy. If he doesn't set boundaries, it will only get worse.
      via Icy-Reputation180

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