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    21-year-old sharing a bank account with controlling guardian worries she freeze his funds when he tries to move out and become financially independent

    Sharing a bank account with someone close is like sharing a bathroom with strangers. It sounds practical at first until you realize privacy is an illusion and every move is monitored. When you're 17, having an adult help you open an account makes sense. But once you're 21 and still getting email alerts because your guardian wants to know why you bought a sandwich after 8 pm, it starts to feel less like guidance and more like surveillance with better branding

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    • Close-up portrait of a young man in a black and white shirt looking off to the side in warm evening light against a clear sky background.
      via Denis

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    • I share a bank account with my guardian (She helped me make it when I was 17) and I want to move out, am I entitled to withdraw my money as an adult?

      Location: WI I'm 21 years old and am trying to move out. I've had my bank account since I was 17, my guardian helped me make it and is the co-owner of said account.
      via FlattLinere
    • We have an unwritten agreement where she doesn't touch my money aside from withdrawing roughly $300 a month for rent, so I'm curious if I'd be able to legally withdraw my money?
      via FlattLinere
    • All of the money in the account is money I've worked for over the course of a year and I'd like to become financially independent.
      via FlattLinere
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    • There’s a familiar theme in stories like this one. Control disguised as care. It always starts with the noble reasons. We just want to make sure you’re saving money or Don’t worry, we’ll just help you get started. Then somewhere along the way that safety net turns into a leash. Suddenly, you’re paying rent out of your own paycheck while still needing permission to buy socks.  

    • (She works as well and is not financially dependent on anyone so she would be ok.) She's a bit of a control freak as well so she receives an email every time I use my card for anything, and she doesn't want me using my money on things I want as well so I'm also afraid of the thought of her freezing my account if I try leaving to make me come back.
      via FlattLinere

    • If anything, this proves that financial freedom isn’t about income, it’s about access. Sometimes the hardest part of growing up isn’t saving money. It’s reminding the person who raised you that you’re allowed to spend it without their approval.

    • Side profile of a young man wearing glasses and a light sweatshirt, looking into the distance at sunset with soft city lights blurred in the background.
      via Viktor Ritsvall

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • I'm curious if she can legally withhold my money? I'm way out of the loop on legal things so I apologize if this all sounds ridiculous and is a no-brainer kinda question, I just feel stuck with this feeling and thought I'd ask.
      via FlattLinere

    • Technically, as an adult, you can walk into the bank, show your ID, and handle your own money. But this isn’t really about legality. It’s about the invisible politics of dependence. The account itself became a symbol of control, a way for this guardian to keep a sense of authority even after it stopped being necessary. Some people don’t need financial support to feel powerful, they just need access.  

    • DiabloConQueso Assuming you're not under some kind of legal guardianship, you're an adult and can do anything you want (including withdrawing all your money) and go anywhere you want, any time. You would then be responsible for yourself -- clothing, food, shelter, insurance, job, transportation, etc. If you have lots of money, things might be easy. But if you only have a few hundred dollars, and no source of income, that's going to be gone in a week or two, without considerable help from others.
      via FlattLinere
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    • The deeper problem is emotional, not procedural. Leaving a situation like that feels wrong because it’s framed like betrayal. People who micromanage tend to make independence sound selfish. But money earned by your own hands shouldn’t come with strings attached. The measuring stick for adulthood isn’t age, it’s the ability to pay for your own mistakes without permission. 

    • nerd_is_a_verb It sounds like this is a joint account. Anyone listed as the account holder on a joint account can freely walk into the bank and withdraw all the money in it in cash. You have the right to do this. Then go to a new bank and open a new checking account solely in your name. Don't give anyone the passwords for online banking with the new account. Ask your job to shift your payroll deposits to the new account. Write your guardian a $300 check every month for rent. Please be realistic
      via FlattLinere
    • Ok_Ad7867 Wait until you're ready for whatever the fallout will be.
      via FlattLinere
    • Whole-Dust-7689 Talk to the bank and ask them how to remove a co-owner/guardian from the account. Or, go to the bank and open a new account using the money in the original account and therefore closing the old account. If the bank won't close the old account, leave $1 in it. You are legally an adult and the "owner" of that bank account. You should be able to remove the co- owner on your own, but opening a new account might be the best way to go. Just remember to change the banking information on
      via FlattLinere
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    • ResortNo113 It's your money. You can have the guardian removed because of your age.
      via FlattLinere
    • ResortNo113 True, but I have opened accounts with my kids and when they turned 18 or 18 plus my name was taken off because they were considered adults. Of course it was the child's choice.
      via FlattLinere

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