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39-year-old wife excludes husband's 32-year-old coworker from his surprise 40th birthday party: 'I feel what she did was immature and petty'

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  • 01
    Man confronts wife during birthday party.
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  • 02
    Last week my wife threw me a big surprise birthday for my 40th birthday. She invited all my closest friends, family members, and coworkers.
  • 03
    I work in a small office of 6 people, and 5 out of the 6 were there, so in my mind I assumed she invited all 6.
  • 04
    I noticed one coworker wasn't there and I casually asked another coworker where she was. This coworker said, "Yeah, she couldn't make it!" and that was it.
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  • 05
    Husband and wife celebrate husbands' 40th birthday with coworkers.
  • 06
    We moved on. The next Monday at work, I saw this coworker (32F) and we started with our usual morning small talk which includes a weekend recap.
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  • 07
    She asked me how my party was. I said, "It was great, sks you couldn't make it!".
  • 08

    This is the exact moment that he should've mentioned that it was a surprise

    This coworker just looked at me very flatly and said, "I uh, wasn't invited". I paused, and apologized and I felt mortified.
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  • 09
    I'm assuming she knew because she had seem the pictures on Facebook, but she said she had heard people around the office talking about it and she just never got invited.
  • 10
    I was not only extremely embarrassed for her, but I also took it very personally. I went right to my wife later that day and asked why she excluded this coworker.
  • 11
    She then went to "No, she was invited, she was busy blah blah". I said I had just talked to Coworker who confirmed she wasn't invited.
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  • 12
    My wife then said, "I couldn't do it. She's younger than all of us, I've seen you looking at her.
  • 13

    Hmmm.....

    I've seen how she looks at you". I then just asked if my wife. didn't invite her because she thinks I'm attracted to her and all she said was, "I didn't say that".
  • 14
    I asked why she also had another coworker cover for her and say she couldn't make it and she asked why I was so concerned that she wasn't there.
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  • 15
    I told her how it was to do that because of her own insecurity and we just haven't talked about it since.
  • 16
    I genuinely do not have anything for this coworker, so my wife has nothing to worry about.
  • 17

    She knows, dude

    I don't think anything we have done has ever given her that impression and all she could say was how we look at each other.
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  • 18
    There's so much nothing going on I don't even have the motivation to prove it to her because I know she won't believe it.
  • 19

    Let's unpack this in a therapy session, ok?

    It's been a few days an I feel kind of disgusted and embarrassed when I look at my wife.
  • 20

    Projecting onto the coworker!

    When I see this coworker, I feel mortified, I can only imagine what it must have been like for her, but I'm also conflicted because I don't want to seem I care about her only because I found out she wasn't invited.
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  • 21
    I'm struggling most with my wife because I feel what she did was immature and petty and she's never treated anyone like this before.
  • 22

    It's a shame that he feels this way

    My wife hasn't brought it up, and it's affecting my productivity at work. It's only been a few days but I'm having trouble seeing my wife as anything but a mean girl not inviting everyone but the weird kid to her birthday party at school.
  • 23
    Husband, wife, and party guests gather around grazing table.
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  • 24

    He is MAJORLY overthinking this

    Strict Research_1... - It was a surprise party, I am sure your co-worker would realize that you did not no about it and had nothing to do with her not being invited. You already said to her you were sorry that she couldn't make it not realizing she wasn't invited. I would not bring it up with your co- worker again.
  • 25

    This is an interesting point, too

    Coalecsence I think you should be more concerned about how your wife is feeling than either how your co-worker feels or that dynamic.
  • 26
    Sassrepublic and she's never treated anyone like this before. Then perhaps a little introspection is in order.
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  • 27
    sirkseelago I don't want to seem I care about her only because I found out she wasn't invited Uh, do you... care about this coworker? Maybe your wife can tell...
  • 28

    Does his wife have a 6th sense about this girl?

    Proud_Cookie Wow, you've a LOT of feelings about someone that is NOT your wife.... at the minimum, you are allowing this other woman to cause problems for you. Maybe your wife was right... YTA.
  • 29

    Focus, man, focus!

    FriendShaped Stra... You're tripping all over yourself because of this coworker. It's affecting your productivity at work?? Get a grip, dude. Your wife acted poorly, but by your own description of your unhinged response, she's onto something.

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