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    Woman asks to be set up with coworker's brother, he gives her a harsh dose of reality: 'She thinks I'm shaming her for her appearance and personality'

    Should you ever mix your dating life with your professional life?

    People meet people at work. It's a fact of life. It's one of the most popular ways to meet someone in this day and age. And you can't help it, that's who you spend your time around. You're bound to pick up some interest in somebody at some point. Or maybe work simply expands your world, and you meet the love of your life because they happen to be tangentially related to your job. This is not a bad thing, or something to be ashamed of. It's normal and natural, but it does need to be handled delicately. When things go wrong, they might go wrong very badly, and you'll end up out of luck in both the love and work departments. This is why some people want to avoid this mix entirely. 

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    Author image for JR Atkinson JR Atkinson
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    • 01
      A woman works a cash register giving a man a cup of coffee
      via Patrick Tomasso

      A woman at work flirts with a man she's giving coffee to.

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • What's truly difficult is when you get embroiled in something you didn't mean to. You weren't trying to kick up drama, but you ended up in it somehow. This can happen to be the best of us. Maybe you have a coworker who is constantly implicating you in their schemes despite you doing your best to avoid them. This can be hard to finagle because you don't want to upset your coworker, but you also don't want to create unnecessary strife in the workplace. But that's what happened to this man, whose coworker put him in a difficult spot.

    • It's not against the law to be asked to be set up with someone. It's your right to do. But you have to know that the second they get cagey about it, you have to bow out. If they're not immediately enthusiastic about the idea, it's probably for good reason, and you should back off if you can help it at all. They're probably trying to spare you an awkward conversation, and it's better if you heed their advice. But the woman in this story wouldn't take no for an answer and put everyone in a weird place because of it. Read on for the full details and see what commenters had to say about it.

    • 02

      Am I in the wrong for shaming my coworker for her looks and personality?

      My brother comes to visit me at work sometimes and take advantage of the family discount. I can say objectively that my brother is a good-looking guy. One of my coworkers has developed a crush on him. She asked me if I could suggest to him that they go out on a date, phrasing it like I'm going to ask her for him as a favor.
      via u/ApricotRealistic1523
    • 03
      I told her no, and she asked why not. I said she isn't my brother's type. She asked me what I meant by that. I said he's pretty consistent with the women he dates, outdoorsy types that don't wear much makeup or fancy clothes. He also can't stand picky eaters (literally gives me sh
      via u/ApricotRealistic1523
    • 04
      constantly for not liking mushrooms) or people who use their phone while talking to someone. If he is talking to you and you look at your phone for any reason other than to check the time, he'll refuse to finish the conversation.
      via u/ApricotRealistic1523
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    • 05
      She thinks I'm shaming her for her appearance and personality. I'm not. If anything I'm shaming him. She thinks she'll like him because she's only ever seen him as a customer, and he's always nice to service people. However as a boyfriend he's judgemental as h_l. I don't think she would actually enjoy a date with him, and I know he wouldn't like her, so why should I set them up?
      via u/ApricotRealistic1523
    • 06
      She can ask him out if she wants, but I refuse to get involved. I don't think I'm an a h le for that, but am I an a hole for bringing up that she isn't in shape and is a picky eater as reasons for why I don't think setting them up is a good idea? She was very offended that I mentioned those things.
      via u/ApricotRealistic1523
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    • 07
      people order at a cafe counter with a menu board
      via Vincent Leyva

      A customer checks out at a counter service cafe

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • 08

      Commenters gave their takes on the situation.

      Exotic-Rooster4427 I think the best phrase would have been 'i don't want to mix my professional and personal lives.'
      via u/Exotic-Rooster4427
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    • 09
      trekgirl75 I told a friend, who thought my brother was cute, that he cheated on his first wife. Didn't even give her a chance to inquire about the possibility of a setup. Sometimes you have to stop the madness before it begins.
      via u/trekgirl75
    • 10
      GeomEunTulip "Set us up." "No." "Why not?" "You're not his type." "What's his type?" Explains his type, which happens to not fit coworker. "How dare you insult me!"
      via u/GeomEunTulip
    • 11
      I fail to see how you were in the wrong, unless this person has a lot of insecurities and anxiety. And even in that case, she should have just taken your word for it when you said she wasn't his type. She was looking for a reason to be mad. Just because you aren't what someone is attracted to doesn't make you bad. NTA
      via u/GeomEunTulip
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    • 12
      No_Cockroach_27... She questioned you, and you gave her your reasons. NTA
      via u/No_Cockroach_2744
    • 13
      autisticNerd13 You sound blunt which a lot of people will say makes you the a. But, you said no, she asked why. If she didn't want to know she wouldn't have asked. Yes you could have sugar coated it but I
      via u/autisticNerd13
    • 14
      don't think you're a j saying what he tends to like. for She didn't just ask why one time you said no she asked why said she isn't his type then asked why again then got a more specific response. NTA
      via u/autisticNerd13
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    • 15
      Wonderful_Horror... NTA She was inappropriate to ask you to set her up in the first place, especially the deceitful way she wanted you to do it. You said no, she asked why and you told her. Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to hear an answer to or ask for a "favor" if the answer could be no.
      via u/Wonderful_Horror7315
    • 16
      You know your brother and know that he would either say no or they would go out and then you would have to hear about what an a he is. My brother is tall and good looking and women moon over him, but he's a conceited cheater and I wouldn't facilitate anyone to date him unless I didn't like her.
      via u/Wonderful_Horror7315
    • 17
      Mammoth-Glove3... NTA, everyone is acting like you bodyshamed her but I'm not seeing any words that's say that
      via u/Mammoth-Glove3273
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    • 18
      schec1 NTA, co-worker asked a question and received an answer. The answer wasn't r de, only an honest description of what type woman her brother prefers.
      via u/schec1
    • 19
      supermegathrowa... NTA. At all. She asked why not. Then she asked again to clarify. If you ask a question, you need to be able to handle the answer.
      via u/supermegathrowawayXL
    • 20
      TwixMerlin512 NTA she asked why and you answered to the best of you knowledge based on what you have seen. Don't ask questions if you don't want a truthful answer
      via u/TwixMerlin512
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    • 21
      red_bird85 NTA. The coworker is the AH for dragging OP into her insecurity and causing drama. The coworker could have left it at "no." But instead chose violence (not literally) and asked for clarification on what she
      via u/red_bird85
    • 22
      didn't want hear and then didn't have the good sense or emotional maturity to leave it at that by then escalating their inability to receive information they don't want to hear back on to OP.
      via u/red_bird85
    • 23
      Parking-Complain... I think that you should like her find out for herself instead of rejecting people for him. Instead of picking out her personality and telling her why they wouldn't work out, how about you tell her to talk to him herself. You might not have the worst intentions and just tryna save her before she find out for herself but it can look weird
      via u/Parking-Complaint248
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    • 24
      meandyesu Wait...did you say "he only dates outdoorsy types" or did you bring up that she is not in shape? Or both? Those are two kind of different things.
      via u/meandyesu
    • 25
      CSILalaAnn I was prepared to say YTA based on the title. However, absolutely NTA!! | would tell her I don't arrange dates for/with my brother. And just because she's sure she would like him, that's not the issue. He probably wouldn't like her. How vapid is this girl that she doesn't grasp this?
      via u/CSILalaAnn
    • 26
      crafty_and_kind "It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth," the great Benoit Blanc once said.
      via u/crafty_and_kind
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    • 27
      Machine98 YTA - you should have just said your not getting involved in your brothers dating life but she can ask him herself. You did NOT need to roast her.
      via u/Machine98

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