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Hardworking 28-year-old helps her single mother put 3 siblings through college, but pulls her financial support when her younger siblings refuse to get jobs: ‘I’m done being the backup plan''

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  • Oldest sister getting tired of being a second parent to her siblings.
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  • I (28F) am the oldest of four. We grew up working class. When I was 17, my dad left my mom for another woman and pretty much vanished. No real child support, no stepping up. It was just my mom trying to hold everything together and me stepping in wherever I could. I started
  • working part time in high school and full time right after graduation. I enrolled in community college but dropped out after a year because we couldn't afford it and my family
  • needed the income more than I needed classes. So I worked. Retail. Serving. Office admin. Whatever paid consistently. A big part of my paycheck went to rent, groceries, utilities, car repairs, random emergencies. If
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  • my siblings needed money for books or fees, I covered it. I told myself it was temporary. Just until they got on their feet. Now they're all adults. All college graduates. I was honestly so proud. I thought this was the
  • part where things would finally shift. Where I could go back to school, build savings, maybe move out and actually have my own life. I told my mom I want to focus on myself now, maybe finish my degree, start investing in my future. She was
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  • supportive. My siblings? Not so much. None of them have stable jobs yet. They say they're "applying" or "figuring things out." Meanwhile they're still living at home, barely contributing, and when money is
  • tight, I'm still the one getting the call. Then my youngest brother got his girlfriend pregnant. He doesn't have a job. No savings. And suddenly there's this expectation in the air that I'll help because I always have.
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  • Lazy guy on the couch flipping channels.
  • I'm tired. I'm almost 30 with no degree and minimal savings because I spent a decade making sure everyone else had opportunities. And now when I say I'm done being the backup plan, I'm being called selfish and cold. Extended family keeps
  • saying, "That's what family does." But I feel like I've already done more than my share. AITJ for stepping back and finally choosing my own future instead of continuing to carry everyone?
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  • Two sisters having a casual conversation in the living room.
  • Positive_Scallion237 The fact that they all have degrees partly because you sacrificed yours?? That's huge. You already paid it forward. Them calling you cold now just feels like panic because the safety net is walking away. That doesn't make you wrong.
  • OP Equal_Individual1135 yeah i feel like I did my part for over a decade, and I'm finally breathing, but I'm not gonna dump all the pressure on my mom either. She's too old for that kind of stress
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  • NTJ mistyyeovania You've already done more than your part. They're adults nowit's not your job to keep saving everyone. Choosing yourself isn't selfish. It's fair
  • OP Equal_Individual 1135 thanks. i really needed to know that someone understand me
  • Vast-Wrongdoer-7557 People always do and say whatever to try and keep the status quo, and that has nothing to do with you. Go change your number and live your life
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  • OP Equal_Individual 1135 Thanks for this. Actually now I'm thinking to change my number as well
  • Ok_Builder8052 Big yikes on the "family does that" guilt trip. You've been doing everything, it's 100% reasonable to step back.
  • OP Equal_Individual 1135 yeah little by little I'm stepping back
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  • Tiger_Dense NTJ. Save up and go back to school. They're adults. They can figure it out. The complaining family can help them.
  • OP Equal_Individual 1135 Actually I'm planning to have a vacation abroad. I think I deserve that after long years of working for them and then plan to enroll online classes
  • Wild-Orange-219 Leave. Run fast and far
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  • OP Equal_Individual 1135 yeah planning to vacation abroad
  • WeimGirl09 Stop setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. They're all adults. They can figure it out on their own!
  • MeloriaNest_ Exactly, you already carried them farther than most people ever could. Their panic doesn't mean you're wrong, it means they got used to leaning on you. You're allowed to step back and build your own life now
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  • Fluid-Corner-657 "That is what family does" only ever gets thrown at the one actually doing all the work. u gave up ur future for theirs, time to reclaim it.
  • _hateshi_ NTJ - every time one of your siblings calls you selfish, say you are not their parent. Siblings are all supposed to be equal so you can start asking them when they will pay you back when they get a job. It's not about the money, it's about changing their viewpoint. They get to have a better life because of your sacrifice. Now it's time to move forward and focus on yourself. I'm glad that your mom is supportive. That's all that matters.

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