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Coworker reports employee to HR for ‘being too quiet’ and employee pushes back on forced socialization in the workplace: ‘I prefer to keep my personal life private’

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  • An HR employee with a clipboard speaks to a male employee at her desk.
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  • "Coworker reported me to HR for ‘being too quiet.’"

    I work in a mid- sized corporate office. I do my job, I hit my deadlines, I'm polite, and I go home.
  • I'm not antisocial. I just don't feel the need to narrate my existence all day. There's one coworker on my team who treats the office like it's a podcast studio.
  • Constant talking. Personal stories. Weekend recaps. Commentary on everything. We're the same level. No managerial relationship.
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  • A few weeks ago she started making comments like: "You're so quiet." "Why don't you talk more?" "You should open up." I'd just smile and say, "I'm good." Apparently that wasn't good.
  • Last week I get a meeting invite from HR titled: "Team Culture Check-In." I walk in thinking it's something normal.
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  • HR says, very professionally, "It's been brought to our attention that you're not engaging much with the team and it may be impacting morale." Morale.
  • Because I... mind my own business? They said a coworker feels I'm "distant" and it makes collaboration
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  • For context: we collaborate just fine. We have zero missed deadlines. Zero communication issues. Everything work-related is handled.
  • So I asked, "Is there any concern about my performance?" "No." "Any missed communication?" "No." "Any complaints about work quality?" "No." "So this is about me not chatting enough?" Silence.
  • HR then gently suggested I try to "participate more socially." I said I'm happy to engage on work matters, but I prefer to keep my personal life private and I don't believe quietness equals disengagement.
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  • An employee in work attire stands, isolated from his other colleagues.
  • Now the coworker barely looks at me. And somehow I'm the one who got a culture talk.
  • Was I wrong for not just playing along with office small talk?
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  • Breatheme444 Things must be really slow at HR lately. whistling sounds (must look busy...)
  • OP AdventurousSpeech341 Apparently "does job quietly and effectively" is now a culture risk.
  • Ok-Method-1428 Something similar happened to me. I will be cordial with everyone but I'm not befriending any coworkers, especially at my current job because I know how they are. The best thing is the chat about things not related to your personal life. Don't bring politics, religion, any goals or aspirations. Just talk about something to make it seem like you are making an effort to get along with them, music, sports, shows. What did you do on the weekend "oh I just relaxed" or "I just slept". I
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  • OP AdventurousSpeech341 That's actually solid advice. I don't mind light small talk, I just don't want to feel like I owe anyone access to my personal life. Keeping it surface-level but polite seems like the safest middle ground.
  • flama_scientist You don't go to work to make friends, and no coworker should feel entitled to earn your friendship. A couple of years ago I reported to HR a coworker that used to come to my cubicle to talk about his love life and how hard was to find someone in his 60s. The guy never caught my silence or my indifference until one day I had enough. I became the office villain because he was only looking for a friend.
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