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“Please don't what, hooman? You didn't seem to finish the sentence. You just washed me, so I shouldn't… bark at the mailman? Oh, no, I know - I shouldn't zoomie later tonight around the house, knocking over furniture because I'm very fast. No? Wait, I understand, I shouldn't chase the squirrels up the tree. Got it. Don't worry, I will leave the squirrels alone. But, honestly, they should be braver… Don't you prefer I go out of that filthy mud puddle and teach them a lesson about courage?”
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“Don't pee on the couch!”, the dog is already doing that. “Don't chew the shoes!”, your dog is already doing that. “Don't run around the house at weird hours at night!”, you dog is already doing that. “Don't bark at the mailman!”, your dog is already doing that.
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“Hooman, why are you throwing away my favorite teddy bear? So what if it's missing an arm, a leg, both of its eyes and ears, and there are multiple tears where filling material is falling out, and it's all dusty, muddy, dirty, and full of my dried saliva. It's my teddy bear. And besides, every doggo needs a teddy bear. It's better to have a torn-up teddy bear than a torn-up couch, won't you say?”
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