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    Entitled mother-in-law demands son and daughter-in-law drive 6 hours with their newborn for an unplanned family vacation: 'I will not be going!'

    In-laws can be hard to reason with, but if you don't establish boundaries from the get-go, things will only get worse.

    This entitled mother-in-law had a habit of organizing family vacations and get-togethers without checking everyone else's schedules first. She would literally pick a weekend that worked for her wide-open schedule, book hotels and everything, and then send the information to the rest of her family as if they had no say in the matter. At first, it was easier for her adult kids and their partners to accept this behavior and adjust their schedules accordingly in order to appease their matriarch. However, once they started having children themselves, traveling with little notice or consideration for their work schedules became an issue that could no longer be ignored.

    This story was written from the perspective of the daughter-in-law, who had a newborn baby. Suddenly, her mother-in-law sent them an email without warning one day, announcing the logistics of their next vacation. The trip was already planned, and the hotels were already booked… once again, with zero input from other family members. Furthermore, the location of said hotel was a short trip distance-wise for the mother-in-law, but a six-hour trip for the daughter-in-law, her husband, and their six-month-old child. Talk about careless and insensitive!

    Author image for Ben Weiss Ben Weiss
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    • The most upsetting part of this story has got to be the fact that the daughter-in-law's husband did not seem to understand her perspective at all. Sure, we appreciate a son who wants to make his older mother happy, but refusing to take his wife's point of view into account is unacceptable. This is especially true when you consider just how strenuous the trip would be for them and their kid. 

      Why couldn't the mother-in-law come to them if she wanted a get-together so badly? Why couldn't she check in and see when they think a trip like this would be doable for their family? The answer is two-fold. On the one hand, it's the mother-in-law's fault for failing to consider everyone else's schedules. On the other hand, the author's husband and sibling are to be blamed for essentially giving her permission to behave this way. It's time to put an end to this lady's main character syndrome!

    • "[Am I overreacting] for refusing to go on a ‘vacation’ with my in-laws that was booked without our knowledge?"

      My MIL is extremely family-oriented and lives alone after being widowed about 10 years ago. I'm married to her eldest son and we have a baby. Her
      via TokenYeti658
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    • other son is also married with a toddler. Before we all had kids, she used to book family 'vacations' for all of us using a timeshare system she has without asking us if we wanted to go or even checking if the dates worked for us. This would often involve driving 3+ hours to a town that doesn't have anything we want to see or do.. She's
      via TokenYeti658
    • also done this with theatre tickets, sports tickets, etc. in her city, which is 5 hours away from us. We make the drive at least every 2-3 months and stay with her at her house for several days each time, so it's not like this is the only way she'll see us.
      via TokenYeti658
    • We mentioned multiple times (subtly) that she needs to check with us before booking things. I thought she got the memo until this Christmas she 'gifted' us all a week 'vacation' together in a ski town in MAY to celebrate a significant work anniversary for her. It's a 6 hour drive for us (closer for her and my BIL/SIL). I simply don't want to go.
      via TokenYeti658
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    • She said she chose that date specifically because it's before I return to work following my maternity leave....But being on maternity leave doesn't necessarily mean I'm available, and it definitely doesn't mean I want to incur the expense of food, gas, etc. on this 'gift'
      via TokenYeti658
    • If she had asked us before booking it and presented it as something she wanted to do to celebrate this milestone for her career, I would have SI d it up since I understand family time is very important to her and she doesn't have a spouse to celebrate this work anniversary with. However, I find
      via TokenYeti658
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    • the way she went about it infantalising and ultimately kind of manipulative. My BIL and SIL are also not thrilled. Neither of them are even certain they can get the time off work, but my husband and BIL seem determined to try to make it work without acknowledging the way she did it is not okay. I told my husband we can either
      via TokenYeti658
    • have a talk with her to tell her in no uncertain terms that she needs to stop spending money and making reservations without checking with us first, OR I will not be going on this 'vacation' (and neither will her exclusively br fed grandchild).
      via TokenYeti658
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    • k23_k23 NOR Just don't go. Tell her you already have other plans, but thanls for the invitation. But: You don'T have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. You need to set thee boundaries with HIM.
      via TokenYeti658
    • Original Elephant_27 NOR but since you kept showing up in the past, telling her "subtly" isn't going to cut it. The only way this ends is by saying no. "Sorry, we have other plans that weekend. I wish you would have checked with us first. Have fun though!" Period.
      via TokenYeti658
    • A woman and her mother-in-law exchange smiles at an outdoor barbecue.
      via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Here is an update from the author!

      Thanks everyone who commented on my original post. After the trip was initially presented by my mother in law to *crickets* and souring the mood before we all opened our gifts to one another, I let the matter settle for a few
      via TokenYeti658
    • days and then calmly explained to my husband that I will not be attending the trip. My original post said I would have S it up and went if MIL had asked us first, but after really thinking about it I know that I would have definitely pushed for different dates, a different location and shorter duration if we had really been consulted. I said I'm more
      via TokenYeti658
    • than happy to explain to MIL that I have. a limited capacity to go away and visit family, and we put a lot of thought into how we go about these visits since I also have siblings, parents and grandparents that live far away, not to mention that we need to leave some time to spend with our own family of three. I don't appreciate having these decisions taken away from us.
      via TokenYeti658
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    • He didn't try to convince me but he was clearly very disappointed and believes I should go. When I told him my maternity leave is precious time to me (and not anyone else's to determine how I will spend it) he said. that doesn't make any sense since the baby will be there too...somehow he
      via TokenYeti658
    • "doesn't understand" why this is different from another trip planned long ago with my coordination to visit my own family at a location and on dates we agreed to...
      via TokenYeti658
    • He then called his brother who was up front about the fact that he and my SIL aren't eager to go either and they all agreed that BIL will break the news. that none of us is going. Sadly my husband is a lot more sympathetic to my BIL wanting to spend his limited vacation time on a trip with his child
      via TokenYeti658
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    • and wife than he was to my own explanation. My husband is also insisting we all think of an alternative weekend getaway we can pitch to celebrate my MIL's work anniversary with her to soften the blow we won't be going (you read that right... he's trying. to come up with an alternative to the "Christmas gift" she gave us to celebrate HER).
      via TokenYeti658
    • Sigh. I know commenters are correct that I have a husband problem but there's only so much I can do. He's overall a wonderful man and there are worse things than a MIL who schemes to spend time with her sons and a husband who doesn't understand why I don't want to spend every possible
      via TokenYeti658
    • moment with his family and ultimately tries very hard to protect his mom's feelings at the expense of my peace. I'm sure this isn't the last headache I'll have with them.
      via TokenYeti658
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    • hummingbird_lane24 Nor Have you ever told your husband that he protects his moms feelings at the expense your peace? of
      via TokenYeti658
    • OP TokenYeti658 Yes.... In his perspective, it's normal and okay for family members to be inconvenienced in order to protect someone's feelings.
      via TokenYeti658
    • BabserellaWT With her saying it's "before your maternity leave is up"...she expected you to make a six hour drive with a very young baby? Is she high? That's not a "gift", that's a burden.
      via TokenYeti658
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    • OP TokenYeti658 Exactly
      via TokenYeti658
    • TA122278 Honestly I think having a husband who prioritizes his mother's feelings over his wife's peace is a pretty big problem that you are underreacting to. Being married to a man who doesn't get why you don't want to spend every moment with his mommy sounds like an absolute nightmare. Especially since she's manipulative and he's spineless. Not a great combination for you to live with for the rest of your life. I wish you luck!
      via TokenYeti658
    • OP TokenYeti658 You're not wrong, we've been together more than 10 years and this is by far our biggest recurring argument
      via TokenYeti658
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    • geekgirlwww Even your BIL has a backbone and dignity when dealing with the same mother. Your husband needs therapy desperately.
      via TokenYeti658
    • OP TokenYeti658 You're not wrong
      via TokenYeti658

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