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16-year-old agrees to babysit 6-year-old cousin until midnight after work, mom protests when aunt stays out until 2 AM: 'My daughter was exhausted and uncomfortable'

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  • a teenage girl sits on a couch with a cushion over her stomach, looking at her cell phone
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  • Am I wrong for being upset that my sister ignored my daughter’s babysitting boundary and minimized her discomfort?

    I'm a 38F and my sister is 33F. I was out of town with my husband celebrating my birthday when this happened. My sister asked my 16 year old daughter to babysit her 6 year old daughter for free. My daughter agreed, but she set one very clear boundary upfront: she could babysit until midnight. She had already worked earlier that day and was exhausted. My sister agreed to this boundary.
  • My daughter is extremely responsible, and my sister knows this. She also knows that my daughter will not go to sleep while she is responsible for a younger child.
  • Before my sister even went out, when I reiterated that she needed to be home by midnight because that's what my daughter was comfortable with, my sister asked, "Oh, she doesn't have work in the morning, right?” I said no, but she was still tired from working early that day. Looking back, this felt like she may have been testing whether she could stay out later than agreed.
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  • Midnight came and went, and my sister did not come home. Instead of asking for an extension, she texted my daughter and told her she would be there at 2 AM. She did not ask if that was okay. She informed her. My daughter was not given the opportunity to say no. My daughter is very kind and did not want to worry me while I was out of town celebrating my birthday. She planned to stay awake and handle the situation herself so I wouldn't have to get involved.
  • I only became involved because I noticed our doorbell never went off and my niece had not been picked up, and it was already over an hour past the agreed time. Around 1 AM, I tried calling my sister twice and her boyfriend once because her texts were vague and referenced "car issues," and I was trying to understand what was actually going on. It later became clear there were no car problems. They had simply taken one car and her friends were not ready to leave. All calls were ignored. They were
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  • By that point, my daughter was exhausted and uncomfortable. Even though the child was asleep, she did not feel comfortable going to sleep while still responsible for a younger child. Responsibility does not end just because a child is asleep. When I confronted my sister, instead of acknowledging that she broke the agreement, she told me I was overreacting because her child was asleep and said my daughter "should have just gone to bed."
  • She escalated the situation further by saying our relationship was ruined and that her child would never stay at my house again simply because I stood up for my daughter. She also brought up my older daughter (22F) in a completely unrelated way as a personal attack on me.
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  • For additional context, this is not the first time my sister has done this. She has told my daughter multiple times in the past that she would be back at a certain time and then shown up 2 to 3 hours later. This is the first time I've directly confronted her, largely because this time I was not home and my daughter was left dealing with it alone.
  • I have always helped my sister with childcare when she asks and have never seen it as a burden. I love my niece and have always considered it a privilege to help. This is simply the first time I've pushed back.
  • My mother called me and told me I shouldn't be mad because my sister is "going through a lot" and that I'm overreacting. I told my mom that I feel like I'm always expected to minimize my feelings and boundaries to keep everyone else happy, and that I'm used to being the one who absorbs the consequences of everyone else's choices, but I don't want to do that anymore.
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  • My issue is not that plans changed. My issue is that my sister repeatedly puts herself in situations where she cannot follow through with her responsibilities, extends childcare without consent, expects a 16 year old to absorb the inconvenience, and then minimizes my daughter's discomfort instead of taking accountability. She genuinely does not see this as a problem because her child was asleep. I don't think that matters. Responsibility doesn't end just because a child is asleep, and my daughte
  • a single bed covered with different patterned bed sheets surrounded by soft toys, a switched on lamp, and a globe
  • No-Solid3265 NTA. Let me guess: you obviously got pregnant with your oldest while a teen and your sister threw that in your face somehow. She clearly has no respect for your daughter's boundaries so you were not in the wrong.
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  • Impressive_Job_4852 NTA- Your sister is, your mother is treating her like the golden child, but the thing is, hard time or not, SHE decided to have her child, and she's responsible for them. She said she'd be back at midnight, and she's lied MULTIPLE times. Do not let your daughter be guilted into babysitting again because she'll keep doing. Let her struggle, no matter how hard she begs, no matter what your mother says. YOUR child and her well being comes first, period. If you keep letting your
  • NYCStoryteller NTA. Your sister is the AH. Guess your mom just volunteered to be the free babysitter going forward.
  • NTA teresajs Talk to your kids and explain why they shouldn't agree to babysit for your sister again in the future.
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  • Sweet_Buy 4908 NTA and your daughter deserves to be paid anytime she babysits.
  • NTA. Pollywoggle16 No more babysitting, especially for free....charge her an out landish fee and its paid up front at the begining of the night. Personally I'd refuse to baby sit again.
  • Moggetti NTA. But here's the thing. You know who your sister is. The real question is why you ever believed that your sister would follow through at all? She's unreliable and entitled. You know this already. So act based on this information. If she asks for babysitting help, ask yourself, "Ok. Am I ready for her to be gone for hours past the agreed upon time?" If the answer is no, then don't help her.
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  • Refrigerator Rare4463 NTA and your entitled sister can say bye-bye to free babysitting. I certainly wouldn't be doing her any babysitting related favors, not for a long time at least.
  • maybs32 Nta. Your sister is using your daughter (and you), and your mother is enabling her. That she "is going through a lot" doesn't give her carte blanche to be a douche. And she is. Good for you for finally standing up to her, I think maybe you should have earlier, to set an example for your daughter. She needs to learn not to let anyone treat her like crap too.
  • stonedsk8rsnow NTA my aunt did the same shit to me. She asked me to watch her 3 kids for a few hours and then didnt show up till the next morning still drunk, you arent overreacting, your sister is irresponsible and immature and she needs to learn that she cant keep doing this i recommend telling your daughter to not watch her kid again and set firm boundaries that if she cant be on time you guys wont watch her child

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