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Middle child decides to move out of toxic parents' home after they treat her like a burden compared to her two brothers: ‘I’m expected to… tolerate my parents' mood swings’

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  • a woman wearing a brown coat and a red scarf with an image of a mature woman overlayed
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  • "AITA for moving out after being told I’m a ‘burden’?"

    Hello Reddit, this is sticky situation and really need advice on how to handle this.
  • I (21F) graduated college a year early and have been living at home for about six months.
  • I have two brothers (23M and 18M), and growing up I was constantly compared to them and expected to "make up" for where I fell short.
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  • Despite that, I've been the one handling most of the responsibilities at home. I cook, clean, drive my family everywhere, watch the dog, help with family expenses, and act as the emotional mediator.
  • I'm expected to stay quiet, not show emotions, and tolerate my parents' mood swings. My parents heavily prioritize my younger brother, especially when it comes to his recruiting trips.
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  • They've gone on over ten of them, and every time I ask to join just one, I'm told to stay home, cancel my plans, and watch the dog...
  • often with less than a day's notice. While driving my mom to a car rental (for a trip I wasn't invited on), I said it hurt being left behind.
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  • She yelled at me, called me ungrateful, and said that I was a burden who should pay rent or move out.
  • Two weeks ago, right before Christmas, I tried to reassure my mom about finances since she was stressed.
  • The conversation suddenly turned into her yelling that I'm ungrateful, a financial burden (even though I pay for everything except rent), that she regrets sending me to college, and that I need to pay rent or leave.
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  • mature couple angry with their child while sitting on a sofa at home
  • That my friends pay rent, so I should too. When I said my 25F friend (who's her friend's daughter) doesn't and all my friends my age don't, she said I needed new friends because those friends are spoiled.
  • So now I'm planning to move out. The issue is timing. I'm starting a new job soon but don't know where in my state I'll be stationed yet, and I won't immediately have enough saved for first month's rent and a security deposit.
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  • My boyfriend is still in college, so I'd be paying for the apartment myself for the first 2-3 months.
  • My parents have been calling me ungrateful, saying they need me at home, keep saying if I leave, I am truly on my own, but also urging me to leave.
  • I don't know if asking for short- term help would just be held over my head forever, or if I should avoid asking at all.
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  • AITA for wanting to move out? Is this a reasonable boundary, or am I being selfish?

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