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"AITAH for respecting a worker's stated boundaries, leading to lower raises and bonuses than her coworker"
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It's ok, even healthy, to set boundaries, especially in the workplace. However, it is not the fault of others when the boundaries you have set for yourself become limiting to your workplace and development. I think that's what makes this topic so interesting, there's not really a clear right or wrong answer here, but merely a balance to be struck and grey areas where differences in expectation have caused a conflict due to a divergence of understanding of the realities of the situation.
Setting good boundaries is important for letting people know where you stand and that you can't be walked all over. But you also can't go too hard and be inflexible and unreachable, far behind the moats and castle walls that you have fortified yourself in. As with most things in life, it's delicate, and there is a balance to be struck.
Communication is important in any line of work, and when your "boundaries" begin to upset the normal operations of a business, you can't be surprised when they proceed to hurt your chances at promotion or a raise. But these things need to be communicated back and forth regularly enough that the boundary setter and the manager, focused on the business interests, understand where each one stands.
It's a difficult situation to navigate as a manager, too. You, of course, want to be unbiased, impartial, and fair. And being flexible with your staff is important, but usually the other side of that same coin is that they offer the same flexibility when business necessitates it. Being in a line of work where weekends and late hours for deadlines may be required occasionally, you would say that it's fair that the best workers, the top performers, would be available for most or even some of these periods.
But again, that's back to boundaries, perhaps the manager could have communicated more clearly as part of their own boundaries that it was fine for the worker to not be available for these periods, but that it may mean that, while they do good work, they fall behind their fellows who do the same level of work but are available and flexible for these periods of extraneous needs.
Either way, it does seem here that the "bias" that is showing is merely happenstance and a lack of communication. One worker simply cannot expect the same rewards and compensation as their coworkers when they are doing less work, regardless of circumstance.
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