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Toronto man visits girlfriend’s family in the Philippines, gets sick, labeled a bad provider, and gets kicked out at midnight after she consults an AI to justify it: ‘I left the gifts at her house and just flew back to Canada’

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  • Kicked out at midnight in a foreign country while dangerously sick because I didn't "act like a provider" on vacation.

    A Caucasian man speaks calmly while a Southeast Asian woman reacts dismissively with raised hands and an irritated expression, creating visible tension during a heated conversation on a couch.
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  • I (30M) just got back to Toronto from the Philippines, and I'm still trying to process a nightmare.
  • I've been with my GF (28F) for two years. In Toronto, she was a welcomed guest in my house.
  • My parents treated her like their own daughter and showed her nothing but respect. In Toronto, our relationship felt balanced.
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  • She would pay for dates from time to time and we bought each other gifts. I am. a student and I just finished my very last semester the same month we were in the Philippines.
  • I actually received my final grades while staying at her house, but she didn't even bother to ask about them.
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  • A man sits quietly on a bed with a tense, reflective expression while a woman sits beside him turned away with crossed arms, showing clear emotional distance after an argument.
  • I never got to celebrate finishing college because the focus was entirely on her demands. As soon as we arrived in the Philippines, I got incredibly sick.
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  • I was diagnosed with Acute Bronchitis and Bronchial Asthma in Acute Exacerbation. I was prescribed 7 different medications, including two antibiotics and strong steroids.
  • I was struggling to breathe and in constant pain. Despite being sick, I brought over $1,000 worth of gifts for her family.
  • I bought my GF gold earrings that cost $600. When I showed them to her mother, her mother's first question wasn't "thank you," it was "How much do they weigh?" because she wanted to check the gold value.
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  • I felt ashamed even offering to buy coffee or small meals because the prices seemed so low compared to Toronto that I felt it wasn't a "big enough" gesture, even though I was already giving so much in other ways.
  • Instead of care, I was mocked. Her family giggled at me for blowing my nose or for my bathroom habits while I was sick.
  • Sad and angry Asian woman Sitting With Unloved man sit apart on a bed after an apparent argument, the man looking away thoughtfully while the woman faces forward with a guarded, unsmiling expression.
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  • My GF started nagging me over a $5 7-11 bill, saying it was "the least I could do" right after her parents bought dinner.
  • She told me she was waiting for me to "show a provider mindset" by treating her whole family to meals.
  • I realized her definition of 'gratitude' was transactional and performative, while my definition was rooted in the two years of daily support, driving, and care I had already given her.
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  • The breaking point was when she showed me her phone. She had been talking to an Al to justify breaking up with
  • She fed it a one- sided story, and . the Al told her: My illness was a "manipulation tactic".
  • • Me feeling like an "outsider" was "good for her breakup plan". • I was a "bad guest" who was "sulking".
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  • After a massive argument where she insulted my mother, she told me to pack my bags and get out at 12:00 AM.
  • Her parents hid in their rooms while I, a sick man who could barely breathe, had to lug two suitcases and a box into the street in the middle of the night.
  • She sent me a final text claiming she "supported my life" this trip, ignoring the two years we built in Canada.
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  • I left the gifts at her house and just flew back to Toronto. Am I the asshole or is this as cruel as it feels?
  • EDIT: To put things into perspective, I've spent well over 15k in the last two years just on gas alone.
  • We saw each other almost every day, and her place was about 65 km round trip from mine.
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  • Every time she came over, I picked her up and dropped her off. I drove her to all her appointments, took her sister to hers, and helped her family whenever I could.
  • My mom went out of her way to make her feel welcome and at home, especially given how much she missed her family.
  • Meanwhile, when I was there, I was mocked over small things like my eating habits, bathroom habits, or even how I blew my nose.
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  • That contrast is a big part of why this hurt as much as it did. EDIT: After reading some thoughtful comments, I want to clarify a few things.
  • I don't believe she was scamming me or "playing the long game." That framing feels unfair and reductive.
  • She was independent before we met, arranged her own study and work visas, and had her own job and opportunities in Canada.
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  • She didn't need me to stay in the country, and I never viewed the relationship that way.
  • I do think cultural differences and family pressure played a significant role, especially how differently she behaved once we were around her parents.
  • The trip also coincided with me getting sick, which escalated everything and revealed dynamics I hadn't seen before, particularly around how support was handled when I wasn't well.
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  • This experience has been painful, but I'm trying to take it as a learning moment rather than framing it purely as betrayal.
  • Boundaries, communication, and how someone shows up when things aren't easy matter more than I realized.

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